I did. Honestly. I promised myself that this would be a blog for happy things. Things that make me smile. Like Star Wars and Disney and family and friends and kittens and rainbows and all of that good stuff. Then I realized how long it had been since I'd written because - frankly - I haven't really had the energy to ramp up the happy feelings due to everything we've been dealing with on a personal level. To put it plain and simple, our family has suffered a couple of losses .
June 11: The first was an uncle of mine who was riding his motorcycle when he got hit head-on by a car. That was sudden, quick, out-of-the-blue. I had fond memories of him as a kid, and he was my mother's younger brother. I spent time helping Mom, and my friends helped me cry and work it out.
June 17: We attended the funeral, spent time with family, and tried to work through the craziness of the whole situation.
June 23: The Nerd Husband's grandfather - my adopted Papaw, basically - is sent him from a smaller county hospital to the larger city hospital
two hours away - where the NH and I live. This whole story starts much earlier - around the beginning of May. He had been in and out of the hospital multiple times with a few issues. At first they said it was gallbladder problems, so they took that out. But issues still persisted, and he ended up back in the hospital with what they called pancreatitis. They treated him, sent him home, and he ended up back again - another round of pancreatitis, they said. Treated him, sent him home, and back again to the hospital he went. Finally, on this trip to the hospital, some "spots" showed up on a scan, and the doctors suggested he go to another hospital to get the pancreas biopsy completed. They packed the whole family up in the cars (6 people), came up here to where the NH and I live, and went to the hospital for the biopsy.
That's where we found out it was pancreatic cancer which had also spread to the liver.
June 24: NH goes to the oral surgeon (one of my biggest fears ever) and has his wisdom teeth and other problem teeth removed (6 teeth total). I try not to freak out while helping him that day.
June 25: NH looks like the poster child for oral surgery with no swelling, no bruising, and able to eat with limited issues. I praise God because this really helps me deal with everything. We get a phone call from his family; Papaw is back in the hospital. I ask NH if he feels up to going down, and he does. So we go. We stay the night then go home.
June 27 - June 29: We work our butts off at work, call his family every day, get updates on the situation and what's going on, etc. We plan on leaving early from work on Friday, July 1st and driving down.
June 30 AM: NH speaks with his Mom on the phone; things appear to be about the same.
June 30 PM: NH speaks with his Mom on the phone; things have taken a turn for the worse. We drive down to visit his family because we just know that we should.
July 1 AM: We spend all day in the hospital. They decide to call in hospice. We help with paperwork and discussions and keeping family calm and uplifted and fed.
July 1 PM: Papaw passed away after the briefest battle of cancer I've ever had the history of witnessing.
From the research I've done, this is the way of pancreatic cancer; it masks itself as so many other things. Gallbladder, pancreatitis, etc. It doesn't even show up on scans until it's too late. A man who had been otherwise healthy and capable and hard-working and tenacious and spunky for 89 years was suddenly gone. A man with a love of life and family and God and Jesus and a faith so strong if could move mountains and build bridges...gone. A man who never failed to ask me, "So what are you working on now?" and would sit with me as I pulled out my phone to show him my latest craft or my sewing project or whatever other weird thing was going on. A man who taught me new things. A man who taught his family to love like he did. A man whose grandson I stole for my husband. This man is gone from this world now. But his legacy lives on forever in all of these things. You can never erase your impact on the world. Never.
So this is my post that blows the happy stuff out of the water: Star Wars and Disney and family and friends and kittens and rainbows and all of that good stuff blown to bits by one post. However, if I really stop and think about it, all of these things aren't truly 100% happy. Star Wars makes me cry (like a baby, actually, if we're talking The Force Awakens. Damn you, Kylo Ren. Yes. Damn. I'll even curse on the happy blog because that's how sad you make me). Disney makes me cry (thank you, Up. I was having a bad day and figured I'd take myself to a movie to make myself feel better about life...oh...oops. Cue Shada sinking into the theater seat so no one sees her sobs of ugly shame). There are sad moments that revolve around family and friends, too - losses and struggles that we all face. Kittens...okay, I don't cry in sadness for kittens. Unless they're being hurt or abused. Rainbows make me cry happy sometimes or cry sad if they make me think about people from the past.
So what I'm trying to say as I ramble on is this: Yes. It's my blog. Yes. It's a happy blog (mostly). Will we talk about sad things too? Well, of course. Star Wars is full of sad things. Disney is full of sad things. Life is full of sad things. You can't take the sad out of life because, if we did, where would we find the joy? The belly laughs? The bursts of sheer childlike wonder that fuel us to do crazy things? We have to have all of these things wrapped up in one - joy and sadness (thank you, Inside Out).
That's why the things I love work. That's why Star Wars works - because it's joy and sadness - it's life - mixed in one. That's why Disney works. That's why I love my family, my friends, my kitten (who is a cat now, and I love her even more), and my rainbows as well as the rainstorms that bring them.
They're all good things - even when they come with an order of bad on the side.
