The Training of a Princess

It's time to take over this space again with some Disney fun.  Well, hopefully it's fun - can you call training for a half marathon fun?  If not, then I think we should, and I'm determined to do my best to make it fun!

I've talked earlier in the year about this (check out the blog entry here), but we'll sum up the situation.  When my Nerd Husband fell last January and broke his hip, I realized that life throws you curve balls no matter how old you are.  You aren't excused from illness or hardship just because you're young.  There is no time like the present to do the things you want to do because tomorrow you might not be able to do them.  So I got a crazy idea - I was going to run my first half marathon.

I did my research.  I asked for advice in my online running groups.  I debated.  I trained for 5ks and a 10k throughout all of 2018.  And finally, I signed up for the Princess Half Marathon to be held in Walt Disney World on February 24, 2019.

My training was to officially start on October 23rd, but guess who came down with a chest cold on October 22nd?  Yep.  There's one of those little curve balls I talked about.  So I decided to postpone the start of my training until November 6th.  I'm two weeks behind, but I readjusted the training schedule to something I think works.  I also knew it would be better than pushing it while I wasn't well.  Starting anything while you don't feel good is a big de-motivator, in my opinion.

Speaking of motivation, I knew starting out the gate that I'd need to find some fun ways to spice up these training runs (because when I thought about it, running 10+ miles just really didn't sound like "fun").  I went to the Dollar Tree because that's my go-to place when I'm looking for cheap and fun ways to make a smile happen.  I picked up a crazy amount of Disney Princess stickers, and a set of Disney Princess puzzles (4 mini puzzles in one package).  I also picked up a few dry erase boards, some self-stick letters, and a couple packages of adhesive glitter paper.

Next, I knew I'd need some calendars for me to keep track of things on, so I went to the Disney Family website and found a printable calendar for November.  It looks like they produce a new calendar page each month, so I'll have to keep an eye open.

The first thing I wanted was an inspiration board - a place where I could cheer myself on, write notes, and leave post-its.  I used the largest dry erase board I had as well as some of the self-stick letters to create my "Run, Princess Shada" inspiration board.  ("Shada" is a Star Wars nickname that was given to me years ago by some very good friends of mine, and it's stuck with me for almost 20 years now.)  I still need to attach some string/yarn on the back so I can hang the board in a visible space, but I'm quite happy with it.

The next thing I knew I wanted was a little corner of my cubicle at work to be dedicated to my training.  Let's face it - if you work full time, you spend most of your awake time at work instead of at home.  That's where I knew I'd need to see motivation more than anywhere else.  I took my printed November calendar and hung it in my cubicle along with a Disney Princess dry erase board (that I modified to a bit with stickers to reflect my favorite princess, Rapunzel) to help me count down the days until race time.  I also printed and hung up a map of last year's race, along with a couple sheets of glitter Princess stickers that I could use to mark my completed training days on the printer calendar.

Let's talk a bit about this calendar because this is an unexpected find that I think will really help motivate me in the months to come.  The fun thing about these calendar pages is that they seem to add little fun days along the way.  Nachos Day was November 6th, and the 45th anniversary of Robin Hood was on November 8th for example.  Both of those days were training days, and I honestly didn't think of incorporating the "themes" into my day until I mentioned it to my Nerd Husband last night that I thought it might be cool to watch Robin Hood on its anniversary.  NH said, "We'll celebrate both themes tonight - nachos for dinner and watch Robin Hood." We did just that, and it was amazing.  So I'm going to do my best from here on out to incorporate the fun days into my training days. 

The last motivator that I came up with revolves around that group of Disney Princess puzzles I bought.  I love puzzles, and I don't feel like I do them all that often because they always end up in the way while I'm working on them.  But the few that I've complete and loved actually act as artwork above our fireplace on a rotating basis.  Right now, there's a Thomas Kincade Cinderella's Castle of there, and it's gorgeous.  Anyway, I digress...  The Disney Princess puzzles motivator is going to work a little something like this.

With each training session I complete, I "earn" one piece of the puzzle.  I won't draw my pieces from the pile until the end of each week, so I can draw up to three pieces at a time.  The pieces might be for any of the four puzzles, so that will be the tricky part.  I'll have to collect my earned pieces, sort them out based on which puzzle I think they go with, and the final goal is to assemble them as quickly as possible.  It's a bit of luck mixed with a bit of skill and a lot of making-this-up-as-I-go-along.  I think it'll be a good time.

I'll be posting quite a bit about this on social media when I can because I think it has the potential for a couple of good things:

1) Make people happy.  It sounds ridiculous, but honestly, I think my goal in life is to try and bring a smile or a laugh.  It's the reason I do a lot of what I do or share what I decide to share.  So if me making a silly face and talking about stickers makes your day, then follow along on my journey.

2) Make people believe they can do what they set their minds to doing.  I realize we all have limitations and things that hold us back, but I do truly believe that we have a lot of power in our minds and bodies, even if they're "broken".  I've personally dealt with a history of mental illness for a vast majority of my life.  I know how broken your mind can feel.  While I've not dealt with physical disability and I know I can't imagine the full effect of the situation.  I know I've witnessed those who have dealt with it, and I've seen how broken their hearts can be when they can't achieve what they once could.  That's heartbreaking.  But I believe there are ways that we can work within a system and make things the best that we can make them.  We might not achieve what we could if we weren't "broken", but I believe that having to work within a system designed to hold you back makes your stronger, wiser, and more determined.  And it makes victory so much sweeter.  I want people to know that and remember it.

 While I'll be posting little blurbs on social media, I'll be keeping the bulk of my wordiness out of the limelight and leaving it here in my blog.  I know I get wordy when I write, and that's no for everyone.  But if it is for you, then it's here, and I hope it helps you in some small way, shape or form.

I've got this.  I can do this.  I know I can, and I believe I can.  I'm nervous that I can't.  There might be people who say I can't.  But the small voice inside of me that rises up in dark times whispers to me, "Run."

River Song Parachute (Zeeda) Dress Cosplay

In my previous post, I got a little broody and serious, so I'm going to try to brush that dust off my coattails and move forward!  I mentioned I'd finally finished my River Song costume from the reboot of the tv show "Doctor Who".  I wasn't much of a Doctor Who fan when the Nerd Husband first started watching (I think I actually picked on a him a bit for watching such a silly show - sorry about that, NH).  But somewhere along the line, I got sucked in a bit.  Then I got sucked in even more.  And then I met River Song.

River is one of those characters that I instantly fell in love with.  She's brilliant, witty, beautiful, mysterious, adventure-seeking, and she has a heart so full of love for the people she cares about.  Plus, she's an archeologist, and that kind of felt a bit like a female Indiana Jones to me.  I'm sold.  Plus - the HAIR!

I've done a River costume once before - the all-denim outfit from "The Impossible Astronaut" (picture comparison below).

Original Costume

My Costume

I loved how this one turned out - plus I got to wear a western gunbelt which made the little kid in my squee like I was four years old again in my spurs, boots, vest, and cowboy hat.  I waited a long time on eBay to get a gunbelt like that in my price range (and one that would fit my hips, but that's a whole other matter).

However, there's another particular costume I had my sights on.  She wears it a few times throughout Series 6 in such episodes as "Day of the Moon" and "A Good Man Goes to War". 

Original Costume

My Costume

From here on out, it's going to be some in-depth costume talk and pictures.  If that's your thing, you're welcome to stay with me and keep on reading.  If it's not, then this blog is not for you.  ;)

Let's start on this journey and talk about what I learned, what I liked, and what I don't particularly care for.

Dress
The dress River wears in these episodes is actually based on an All Saints Zeeda dress.  Based on my many hours of reading, it sounds like a few modifications might have been made to the original Zeeda dress, however, on the whole it is largely screen-accurate as-is.  The problem these days is:
1.) They are no longer in stock at All Saints.
2.) They run somewhere in the $250-$500 price range every time I see one pop up on eBay.
3.) They're really difficult to find in a US size 10 (which seems to correspond to a UK size 14).

I've seriously had this dress (and all of its keywords) set-up as saved searches on my eBay account for probably the last three years.  I never had anything that remotely came into my price range, and I started to lose hope.  I started checking out other types of dresses that I could just add a zipper to, and I even bought a couple of patterns to frankenstein together to get me a decent pattern to sew my own.  And then I found an alternate dress - a Lagenlook parachute dress in a light taupe color.  I asked the seller for the measurement from armpit to armpit (always a deciding factor), and it was on the lowest end of what I could manage.  So I bought it - because hey, it was worth the risk.  The price was right (around $36 or so, I believe), and now was the time.

I absolutely adore this dress.  I had two little blow-outs in some of the stitching while I was at the con, but nothing that I can't fix later (one in the armhole and one in a skirt panel).  I did have a tricky situation finding an undergarment that wouldn't be visible with the style of armholes this dress has, but a strapless bra did the trick.  So happy I took the risk and got this dress.

Wide Brown Belt
The wide brown belt with the bronze-looking studs is actually another off-the-rack item from All Saints.  It's the Anina belt, and it's another one of those items that is highly sought after and - thus - highly expensive when I find them on eBay.  That was a large "no" for me, so I figured it'd be a good thing to make from scratch.  There are some wonderful DIY tutorials out there from other River cosplayers, and I found these two particularly helpful:
https://sweetieoolong.livejournal.com/1078.html
http://ifyougiveagirlaneedle.blogspot.com/2016/11/all-saints-anina-belt-construction.html

I actually ended up using the same studs that Jordan mentions in her tutorial (see second link listed above), and they were so simple to use!  It was simply a matter of cutting my vinyl, punching my holes, adding the studs, and voila - belt.  That makes it sound a lot faster than it actually took (because punching belt holes is exhausting), but overall, it was a pretty simple and fun project.

My vinyl came from JoAnn Fabrics, and it should be a very easy thing to locate in the Home Decor fabric section.  It'll be on a very large roll, and you just take it up to the cutting counter and get what you need.  I believe I purchased 1/4 of a yard, and that was plenty for my belt and my vortex manipulator (more on that later). 

As for my process, I didn't 100% think this out, so I could have done things a little better.  Not a huge deal, thought, and I made it work.  Just to give a basic rundown...

I cut a long strip of the vinyl 4" tall by however wide my fabric was (probably 55" or so).  I knew I'd be using the brass studs/holes for fastening the belt, but my vinyl wasn't quite sturdy enough to stand up to that kind of use.  To give everything a little more strength on the end of my belt, I folded wrong-sides together in order to get me a bit of overlap on the back, and  I "pinned" this with a clothes pin to mark my place.  I then repeated the same fold on the other side of the belt (always remembering the overlap I'd need for my brass studs).

Instead of sewing down the folds I made, I used E6000 adhesive to glue the two backs of the vinyl together.  It worked wonderfully, and I'd definitely use it again.  I glued both of my folded sections, and I let them dry under some weights for 24 hours.

24 hours later, it was time to measure and punch some holes.  I used the measurements provided in the links above to create a cardboard template to use to mark my punch holes.  Using a silver Sharpie, I marked all of my holes down the length of my belt.* 

*This is where I would have changed something.  I spent so much time trying to figure out how far apart in length these holes should be, and I finally arrived on a particular number...but I never took into account the entire length of the belt I'd just cut and glued.  Yikes!  So if I were to offer advice, measure the length of your belt first.  Let's say your belt is 36 inches long.  Figure out how many holes you can evenly space along 36 inches.  For example, if you want your holes to be spaced 1.5 inches apart, then you can fit 24 sets of holes.  If you have an odd number for your belt length, seriously...do the math as best you can and flub the rest.  That's what I did, and no one is the wiser that I have one set of holes that's entirely too far away from its neighbor.  Oops.

I then used a leather hole punch I borrowed from a friend of mine to punch all of my holes.  You can find leather hole punches at craft stores or get one from Amazon.  I used a tabletop hole punch, which saved my hand from cramping.  I used the smallest setting available to me and tested it on a scrap piece of fabric first to make sure it would work with my brass studs.  Once I was satisfied with it, I punched.  And punched.  And punched some more.

The screw-back brass studs were the last piece, and they were incredibly easy to use.  If you've every worked with a screwdriver at all, you can probably figure this one out.

The last step was trying on that belt and making sure it fit.  In my case, it was actually slightly large, but I wasn't about to stress about it.  I have enough things to worry about in life; it's not worth it.  So I tugged it a little further down my waist, gave myself a smile of approval, and moved on.  I hope you can do the same.  :)


Curious about that vortex manipulator?  Want to know more about the Nerf gun repaint job?  Stay tuned until next time... (Maybe not exactly the next time, but eventually we can talk about it.)

Struggles, Spoilers, and Songs

There's a lot going on these days.  At least that's what it feels like.  I'm not 100% sure if that's accurate or if that's just feelings, but it's what I'm going with at the moment.  There are people I love who are going through some really rough stuff right now.  I want to be there for them, but I'm struggling with some personal things, as well.  It makes me feel a bit like a selfish attention hog lately - "please, look at me and realize I'm struggling, too - help".  And when that doesn't work quite like the annoying 5 year old in me wants it to, I turn to my projects and bury myself in the work that takes over my mind and makes me happy (to a point).

That's a rather depressing introduction to a post that's meant to say...I finally finished my River Song costume.  (Is a blog that promises to focus on Disney and Star Wars allowed to be depressing and get off-topic by discussing Doctor Who?  You know what - I don't care.  Sure, it can.  Because it's my blog.  So there.  ;p)

There are elements of this costume I'm not 100% happy with, and I think that's all right for now.  All of my cosplay (I still have a hard time with that word because I used "costume" and "costumer" for years because that was when I started out this entire journey) is done simply and on a certain budget.  I like to try to make things from other things instead of spend my time tracking down screen accurate fabric for $40 a yard that requires me to then buy 3 packages of RIT dye to make it the right color.  I have nothing against that sort of thing, and I have a great deal of respect for the folks who go through it.  It takes a heck of a lot of work, and the results are impressive.  I get caught up in this mindset now and then - "how accurate do I need to make this?" or "should I buy this so it's 'right'?"  It's a very easy place to fall into, and it's not a bad thing if that's who you want to be.

However, I've come to believe that my real place in his cosplay world and my calling here is to prove to other people that they can do it.  You don't have to be a genius.  You don't have to break your bank.  You don't even have to have knowledge on how to sew.  And honestly, if you're out to just have fun - you don't need to be accurate.  You just have to be willing to try, to learn, and to work with what you have when you have it.  I want to encourage those people who are starting out - the people who feel like crap because someone told them something was "wrong" with their costume.  I've had younger folks come up to me at a convention, fangirling or fanboying out over something I've made and then degrading their own work as they're wearing it in front of me, feeling horrible that they can't be as good as someone else.  That's when I try to point out to them what I actually have here - a PVC pipe from Home Depot, some silver spray paint, a rubber inner tube from a bicycle tire, a thumbtack, a cell phone clip, some washers, a plastic cable clip, and some glue.  It's not much different from what they have at all.  And it's certainly not impossible to do with just some time, practice, and a new way of looking at things.

Wow, does this blog entry have a point?  Because if it does, I seem to be taking an awfully long time just to say I finally finished my River Song costume.  ;)  The costume is 100% complete and ready to go for the comic expo I'm attending this weekend.  I'm uncertain if she'll go out for one day or two because I anticipate this will be a fun one to walk around in.  I guess we'll just wait and see.

And since I'd like to try and follow-through what what I said above (about helping people realize they can do this sort of thing, too), I'd like to follow-up this post with another post talking all about the costume and how I made it work.  Look for that to come soon.

In the meantime, just remember that you can do it - whatever "it" is.  I know it sounds corny and awful, but I believe that if something lies within our realm of power to change and learn, then we can accomplish it.  I think it's easy to forget that because the world like to buck up against us and tell us we can't move.  Sometimes, it's true - we can't.  Sometimes we're just stuck.  But even in those times, your ability to fight forward and keep moving is a blessing, even when your heart, mind, and body are tired.  Keep going.  Keep moving.  Because it's getting closer. 

Whatever "it" is.

Here Sits a Girl

Here sits a girl who:

• is signed up to run the Disney Princess Half Marathon next February 24, 2019
• has a room reservation all set on Disney property
• made her Disney dining reservations 180 days in advance
• and snagged some sweet reservations
• and reserved a table at Victoria and Albert's because - why not, I can cancel if I decide not to splurge that much (never done this before, so it felt right to at least try)
• needs to buy plane tickets for February
• is trying to complete a River Song (Doctor Who, not even remotely part of the two major focuses of this blog, but cut me some slack) costume for a convention that happens in two weeks
• needs to take her cat to the vet for a check-up on Saturday and is freaking out about it stressing out said cat
• will be getting up early tomorrow (fingers crossed) to do training run
• is moving in ten thousand different directions mentally and can't really take the time to figure out which direction she should buckle down and follow
• just wanted to write a blog post to say that she did because this space shouldn't die.

A New Month with New Jitters

I turned the Star Wars calendar in our kitchen to the new month of August, and I smiled when Rey showed up.  I thought, "How fitting.  There's our girl showing me that I can move forward and do anything."  Then I got to work, and I turned the Star Wars calendar in my cubicle to show the new month of August, and I smiled when Chewbacca's grin showed up on the page.  I thought, "There's a true friend if ever there was one."

Then I saw the sparkly Disney Princess Sticker that was marking Tuesday, August 7th on my calendar, and I thought, "Are you insane?  Are you actually going to sign up to run a half marathon at Disney?  It costs so much?  What if you can't make it?  What if you get swept?  You're not a real runner because you walk and run in intervals.  Remember yesterday when we looked at the proof of time submission and your 10K doesn't even qualify to get you in a higher corral?  You're slow.  You're overweight.  You're out of shape.  You're not a runner.  What makes you think you can do this?"

I realized at that moment that the only thing holding me back from what I can do is my own mind.  And what an evil little mind I have.  Look at that - up there!  All of those horrible things I said to myself in just a few seconds worth of thought-space.  And I suppose that's true for a lot of us.  A lot of us are harder on ourselves that we need to be.  We put ourselves down, and we corral ourselves into these safe little corners where we can hide so no one will ever see how "inadequate" we are.  We set our own limitations in our minds, but those limitations do not define who we truly are.  It's really our effort to break through those barriers that forces us to grow and become the people we are meant to be.

Next Tuesday, August 7th is registration day for the Princess Half Marathon at Walt Disney World.  I'm going to do my best to secure myself a spot.  I have a hotel room lined up on Disney property (had to call to make the reservation since it wasn't even available to reserve online that far in advance).  I've priced out plane tickets, and I'm ready to purchase those as soon as I know I have a spot in the race.  I'm trying to heal up from a pulled neck muscle before I get back into any real running/exercise again, but then it's time to gear up and start training.  I got nervous when I looked at training schedules.  TI checked out a couple of different schedules.  One stated that I should be comfortable running 3 miles a day 3 days a week.  Yeah...that doesn't usually happen with me.  lol  Maybe 1.5-2 miles 3 days a week?  I guess I'm not that far off, but it did make me start to second-guess this plan.  I ran a slow 5k in July, and a slow 10k in June.  Why am I doing this again?

To prove that I can.  To be able to say I did.  To be able to celebrate an accomplishment that I never once dreamed I'd be celebrating.  To be able to go on an adventure and say, "Yeah, I ran that race, and it was amazing."

Fingers crossed.  The single digit countdown to registration ticks on...

A Girl Against the Universe - a Running Story

So a few years ago I picked up something I never thought I would - running.

I was always the little chubby kid in gym class.  The one that got picked last for teams.  The one that couldn't finish running "the mile" test.  The one that liked literature, music, and art way more than physical activity.  Then, a few years back, I was trying to think of something I had never done before.  I wanted a new goal - something brand new and shiny to work on achieving.  Something I never thought I'd ever be able to accomplish.  So I set out with a Couch to 5k app and a goal to run my first 5K.

I did it.  And from there I ran a couple more 5Ks.  Then the Nerd Husband and I trained for the Inaugural Star Wars Dark Side 10K at Walt Disney World.  It was freaking amazing.

Then our world blew up.  The Nerd Husband's grandfather grew sicker until he was finally diagnosed with pancreatic cancer.  He passed away quickly after a hellish fight.  Then my biological mother had a stroke while we were in Florida, and there I was - worrying for my family until I could get back home.  Then - most recently - we had an ice storm, and the Nerd Husband fell in our driveway and broke his left hip.  We lived with my parents for a month until he could come home and do the stairs (slowly and only once a day in the beginning).

Needless to say, we haven't been home much.  Our house has suffered for it.  We have suffered for it - physically and mentally.  It's been trying.  Running fell to the wayside.  Making it through to the next day was really the only goal.

During this last trial - the Nerd Husband's accident - I came up with my next plan.  In between sitting in the hospital with my husband and doing the drives back and forth from our house to gather things, take a shower or feed our kitty, it dawned on me that I wanted to show the universe it wouldn't break me.  It wouldn't throw all of this at me and see me back down without a fight.  I remember saying out loud, "No.  I refuse to feel like this, and I won't let you tear me down."  Plus, I was doing all of this to help someone else.  And I'd been helping other people for so long.  I needed to do something purely for me.

I vowed to figure out something I had never done before and make me feel badass, strong, and rebellious against the universe.  I thought about a tattoo or dyeing my hair another color.  But then my brain rested upon one thought...

I'll run a half marathon.

Not sure that was a normal train of thought.  But then again, I've never claimed to be normal.

I've always been interested in the runDisney half marathons.  I remember being there right after Princess weekend and seeing all of the people on the buses and in the parks with their medals.  It was really inspiring because there were people of all shapes, sizes, and walks of life.  It looked like a goal that anyone could obtain with training and tenacity.  I honestly wasn't sure if I'd ever be one of those people, but I wanted to be one of those people.  Plus, how wonderful would it be to run through the place that holds so many wonderful family memories for me.  Family and friends and people I don't have with me anymore.  They're all still there, in that place, in those moments.

The details are fuzzy on how it all came about, and it was a while before I put my mind to a permanent decision on when this would all go down.  I recall asking my virtual running group for advice, signing up for a local 10K (for experience and a time to submit), writing out a training schedule, and then eventually marking my vacation time in my work calendar for "February 2019".

Princess Half Marathon 2019 had been decided.

Now I have a little Disney Princess dry erase board from the Dollar Tree sitting in my cubicle at work, counting down the days to registration.  I have nerves floating around in my gut because the registration process got changed this year, and they pushed the dates further away than originally planned.  I have a countdown on my phone, and I'm debating where the best place to stay is and how to make this all work.

Best of all, I have a goal, and I'm nervous as hell about it - but it's mine.  And that is so stinking exciting that I can't even begin to explain to you how exciting it is.  This is mine, and no one can take it from me.  I know that bad things can happen, and chances are they totally will.  Who even knows what will/could happen when I'm away next February?  But bad stuff is going to happen no matter where you are, who you're with, or what you try to do to prevent it.  You can't prevent life.  Life finds a way.  The best you can do is live your life for you.  Do the things you can do while you can do them.  Share your strength and love with others.  And remember to be kind to you.  Always.  In all things.

Now, if you'll excuse me, this princess has a half marathon training schedule to contemplate.

Celebration Time, C'mon!

So it's finally been announced.  The big Star Wars Celebration for 2019.  It looks like we're finally headed to Chicago, April 11-15, 2019 at McCormick Place.  Apparently McCormick is the largest convention center in the US.  That sounds like a great opportunity for them to actually make use of the space and maybe make things a bit easier to get into.  Maybe.  We'll see. 

Celebration is a mixed bag for our little group that's been going for quite a few years now.  I personally still have fun, but I go in with very low expectations.  What makes it fun for me is the people I get to interact with, the costumes I get to create and wear, and the moments I get to spend with old and new friends.  What makes is frustrating for me is hanging my hopes on getting into a panel, but not being able to get into it because I didn't camp out all night just to get a ticket.  Or when they accidentally let in a group of people that didn't have wrist bands before they let in the wrist banded people.  Or when they only have ONE entrance open for security for thousands of people who need to all go through a metal detector which results in a line that wraps around the building for hours and hours just to get in. 

I feel like every convention has hiccups along the way, and Celebration has been no exception over the years.  I remember the "this line is capped" signs from Celebration III (my first convention experience ever).  Too many people.  Too small a space.  What are you going to do?  Plan better. 

But they never quite seem to make it to the "plan better" stage. 

One year, they did.  They got it right - or so it felt like they did.  That was when we were in Los Angeles for Celebration IV.  The worst part about that was that none of the hotels were within walking distance of the convention center.  You had to rely on transportation.  However, the convention center felt big, roomy, and there were things to do at all hours of the day and night.  It was easier to get tickets to see what you wanted (like Carrie Fisher's after-hours comedy show; buy your tickets separately on the internet before the event).  The store was a simple walk-in, find what you want, and walk-out.  Plus there were additional mini-store kiosks all over the exhibit hall!  Talk about making it easy to shop (and easy to spend more money).

But I haven't really seen these things return to a Celebration yet.  We seem to be back to the Celebration III ways of "you either stand in line for 5 hours to see George Lucas or you stand in line for 5 hours to go to exclusive store".  If you don't camp out over night, you don't get in to see anything. What makes this all worse is that - honestly - you really don't even have to pay money to be there.  Everything is live-streamed on the internet now, so you can "attend" Celebration without travel or ticket expenses if you so wish.  I realize that's both a good and a bad thing.  I personally wish there'd be at least a slight delay from the panels to the internet stream.  Let us feel like we have some exclusivity since we - you know - kind of paid to be here.

None of these things though keep me from going.  That's probably lack of good sense when I think about it, but I honestly think it's because there's something bigger that I get out of attending an event like this.  I like to look at things.  I like to watch people.  I like to wear my costumes, take pictures of other people's costumes, swap stories, encourage others.  I feel a sense of community at a convention like this.  I don't know if that's normal or not, but it is what it is.  So while some of our group are only thinking about attending a day or two at Celebration Chicago (which I respect and understand given the write-up of insanity that I posted above), I'm still planning on all 5 days.  I never know what this one will be like.  If that day doesn't seem like it'll work out, I'll leave early.  If that day ends up being amazing, then I'll take it home with me, along with a big smile spread across my face and a skip in my step like a five-year-old kid. 

Even through all of the crap that we've dealt with, I'm ready to Celebrate.

May the Fourth be with You!

Happy Star Wars Day!  That's what they're saying today, right?  It's on the news - newscasters breaking out the lightsabers and having a battle.  Companies are having sales.  The internet is talking about a new movie, where will Celebration be, the new Star Wars half marathon races in Walt Disney World next year...everything.  If you can name it and it's name is Star Wars, it's being talked about today.  May the Fourth.

This is an interesting day, I have to admit.  Because I remember a day when I had to hide my Star Wars novel spine inside my binder so no one could see a title.  I remember that "nerd shirts" were not a thing to be worn in public.  Things like that opened you up to ridicule and regret.  I had one nerdy friend growing up as a child (and even that wasn't close enough to how nerdy I really felt).  I met another nerdy friend toward the end of my high school years, but even then, we were both so busy hiding that aspect of who we were that we only really realized the true depth of our own nerdiness once it was time to go off to college.

Ah.  College.  The most formative years of my life.

The worst four years of my very existence on this planet earth.  And I do not exaggerate.

The loss of friends.  The loss of family.  The lack of guidance within a sports-driven university.  Sickness.  Loneliness.  Despair.  Severe depression.  Suicidal ideation.

And in the middle of it all: www.starwars.com/forums

The Star Wars message boards.  Back in the day, see, the interwebs had these things called "message boards".  Back then, we thought it was better to keep our real selves anonymous online, so we had fake screen names and avatars of anything other than ourselves.  And while the names and the avatars were fake, the personalities and the people were real (for the most part - but that's another post lol).  In those four years of hell, I found my solace and refuge in a little corner of the internet with people going through similar issues, trials, and thoughts.  I found people who liked the same things I did and did some of the same things I liked to do.  And here they all were - ripe for the friend-picking!

And picked them I did.  And then I was crazy and even met some of them in person (omgoodness this was scandalacious back in the day, people.  Lemme tell ya...)

And lemme also tell ya that it's one of the best things this little depressed, introverted, scared little soul ever did in her entire life.  Those four years of hell made me into who I am today - a tenacious little fighter who will not go softly into that good night.  I refused.  And I still refuse.  Because I have hope.  Hope doesn't have to me this idealistic image of what things will be - and unrealistic view of the world.  I hate false optimism.  Hate it.  Try to tell someone who is in hospice and dying of cancer to "have hope and think positive and you'll get better".  The world doesn't work that way, usually, and it's cruel to offer that kind of false hope.

But I do believe that you can have hope in any sort of situation you're in.  Personally - in the darkest of situations - my faith offers me hope beyond this world when there are no other options.  In most of the everyday cases, my heart gives me hope that I (and others) can overcome our situations or work within them to the best of our abilities.  I have hope that - while we might not be able to change things entirely - we can make them as good as we can in the given moment.  To some people, that's a frustrating point of view, I'm sure.  "If I can't fix it, what good is it, really?"

It's because - honestly - by doing one action filled with hope, you have no idea what you're actually affecting in the long-run.  Every tiny little action you take might not have a reaction now, but no one really knows what it will do years from now.  Decades.  Centuries.  To you, it's one moment.  To someone else, it will shape their lifetime.

Do I have hope that me making a copy for someone at work will change their life?  No.  C'mon.  Get real.  But do I have hope that me making a copy for someone at work and then dropping it off with a smile and a kind word might make their day a little better?  Yeah, I do.  Because an action that small can have that kind of power.  And when you empower others, there's no stopping them once they build up that strength.  That's amazing.  That's just astounding to me to think that we can affect that sort of change in someone through such a tiny little action.

But it's what life is about, I think.  Having hope.  Creating hope.  Living hope.

So happy Star Wars day.  May the Force be with you all.