So a few years ago I picked up something I never thought I would - running.
I was always the little chubby kid in gym class. The one that got picked last for teams. The one that couldn't finish running "the mile" test. The one that liked literature, music, and art way more than physical activity. Then, a few years back, I was trying to think of something I had never done before. I wanted a new goal - something brand new and shiny to work on achieving. Something I never thought I'd ever be able to accomplish. So I set out with a Couch to 5k app and a goal to run my first 5K.
I did it. And from there I ran a couple more 5Ks. Then the Nerd Husband and I trained for the Inaugural Star Wars Dark Side 10K at Walt Disney World. It was freaking amazing.
Then our world blew up. The Nerd Husband's grandfather grew sicker until he was finally diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. He passed away quickly after a hellish fight. Then my biological mother had a stroke while we were in Florida, and there I was - worrying for my family until I could get back home. Then - most recently - we had an ice storm, and the Nerd Husband fell in our driveway and broke his left hip. We lived with my parents for a month until he could come home and do the stairs (slowly and only once a day in the beginning).
Needless to say, we haven't been home much. Our house has suffered for it. We have suffered for it - physically and mentally. It's been trying. Running fell to the wayside. Making it through to the next day was really the only goal.
During this last trial - the Nerd Husband's accident - I came up with my next plan. In between sitting in the hospital with my husband and doing the drives back and forth from our house to gather things, take a shower or feed our kitty, it dawned on me that I wanted to show the universe it wouldn't break me. It wouldn't throw all of this at me and see me back down without a fight. I remember saying out loud, "No. I refuse to feel like this, and I won't let you tear me down." Plus, I was doing all of this to help someone else. And I'd been helping other people for so long. I needed to do something purely for me.
I vowed to figure out something I had never done before and make me feel badass, strong, and rebellious against the universe. I thought about a tattoo or dyeing my hair another color. But then my brain rested upon one thought...
I'll run a half marathon.
Not sure that was a normal train of thought. But then again, I've never claimed to be normal.
I've always been interested in the runDisney half marathons. I remember being there right after Princess weekend and seeing all of the people on the buses and in the parks with their medals. It was really inspiring because there were people of all shapes, sizes, and walks of life. It looked like a goal that anyone could obtain with training and tenacity. I honestly wasn't sure if I'd ever be one of those people, but I wanted to be one of those people. Plus, how wonderful would it be to run through the place that holds so many wonderful family memories for me. Family and friends and people I don't have with me anymore. They're all still there, in that place, in those moments.
The details are fuzzy on how it all came about, and it was a while before I put my mind to a permanent decision on when this would all go down. I recall asking my virtual running group for advice, signing up for a local 10K (for experience and a time to submit), writing out a training schedule, and then eventually marking my vacation time in my work calendar for "February 2019".
Princess Half Marathon 2019 had been decided.
Now I have a little Disney Princess dry erase board from the Dollar Tree sitting in my cubicle at work, counting down the days to registration. I have nerves floating around in my gut because the registration process got changed this year, and they pushed the dates further away than originally planned. I have a countdown on my phone, and I'm debating where the best place to stay is and how to make this all work.
Best of all, I have a goal, and I'm nervous as hell about it - but it's mine. And that is so stinking exciting that I can't even begin to explain to you how exciting it is. This is mine, and no one can take it from me. I know that bad things can happen, and chances are they totally will. Who even knows what will/could happen when I'm away next February? But bad stuff is going to happen no matter where you are, who you're with, or what you try to do to prevent it. You can't prevent life. Life finds a way. The best you can do is live your life for you. Do the things you can do while you can do them. Share your strength and love with others. And remember to be kind to you. Always. In all things.
Now, if you'll excuse me, this princess has a half marathon training schedule to contemplate.
