Oh, fandom. Fandom is a funny thing. Fandom is what makes you crazy. It's what allows you to strike up conversations with people you never would have met. Travel to places you never would have gone. Wear things you never would have worn (body makeup and a bald cap? puh-leeze). Fandom is what drives to you seek out places to talk about your fandom.
Back in the early 2000s (doesn't that sound like forever ago), that's exactly what I did. I had started college and was working while doing school. I didn't live on campus which didn't allow much much chance to make new friends and socialize. So I did what a lot of us did during that time - I took to the internet. It was there that I found the StarWars.com message boards. Sadly, the boards no longer exist because the times have changed, but those message boards were a saving grace for me during that time. I made friendships with people from all over the world. I met up with folks in person in conventions. I connected with good people who shared a common interest, and it was Star Wars that wove us all together into this tapestry of awesome.
Today, while working on a mundane printing project at work, I thought about the boards for some reason. I was thinking about this blog and how things "used to be", and I rememered the old StarWars.com blogs of old. I'd forgotten all about it. Had I saved my entries before the blogs ended? Maybe I could find them on the "Wayback Machine" in the internet archives. So when I had a free moment at lunch, I pulled up the old StarWars.com. I had no luck, really. I found the blogs, yes, but searching through them page by page without remembering my old URL address didn't really seem like a good use of my lunch hour.
So I did a Google search, thinking I wouldn't turn up much because this thing has been dead for years. But lo and behold, I found a link to my old blog on Club Jade's website. First of all, I had never realized I'd been featured anywhere, which made me feel awesome about ten years too late - lol. But then I realized - holy cow, look at that, I'm talk about the Binary Sunset. That's this blog! The Twin Sun Destiny! There's a link!!
Back to the trusty Wayback Machine I went, and I plugged in my URL...and the memories flooded in. It was crazy. It was unfortunate I wasn't able to uncover all of my entries, but I read through a few of them. I made sure I read through the Binary Sunset one, though. I was curious as to how 10 year old younger me phrased this.
And I liked it. It seemed fitting. And I still totally agreed with it...
Thoughts on a Binary Sunset
by Lady Shada
date posted: Sep 26, 2006 7:49 PM
One simple look.
That's all it took to grab the attention, to kidnap the senses and pull them closer to simply see...and feel.
Just one fleeting moment. One simple binary sunset of purples and reds...and a sigh from a farmboy filled with wanderlust. A hoper that wanted more out of life than what his "family" had to offer him. A dreamer that knew his future lied along a different path than that of his peers.
A disappointed boy. A boy who simply watched the suns set on all of those adventures, hopes and dreams. And he stared hopelessly as they simply burned out, dying, falling...sinking into the sands of the very planet that held him back.
In that one moment, I became a fan. But "fan" isn't even the proper word for it, is it? "Fan" sounds too...fun. All too often, I take part in the playful side of this fandom. The collecting (Star Wars Legos decorate my computer desk), the costumes (my Jedi robe is hanging in its rightful place on my door)...all of that sort of "kid stuff" that no one really understands except you (oh, yeah, I own coloring books too...which have been used.) After all, that's what Star Wars is all about right? It's about the fantasy - that operatic space drama that we can use as an escape tactic to take us away from the real world if only for a moment.
What happens, though, when in one moment, that space drama that seemed like the biggest piece of fiction on earth reflects your reality?
In that one moment - that one look from Luke Skywalker as he watched those suns setting - I saw myself. Maybe it sounds silly. Maybe it sounds absurd. Maybe you'll say, "Shada, you need to get out more and meet people." But it's true. It happened. And every now and then, I still see it.
I don't just see it, either. I feel it. Every disappointment, every hurt, every...hollow ache inside of your chest that just...begs for something more. Something you know is out there waiting for you but you lack the means and the know-how and the courage and will-power to strive for it. And everything else around you just gobbles up that hope, that dream, and all you can do is just hang your head and walk away.
That's what made me a fan. It wasn't because I thought Han Solo was a dreamboat. It wasn't because I wanted to chop arms off like Obi-Wan Kenobi. And it wasn't because I wanted to fly an X-Wing. Okay...so it was partially because I wanted to fly an X-Wing, but that's not my point.
It was that one moment that started it, that let me identify with a character and connect to him. And then watch as he jumped one obstacle over another that stood in his way...and overcame the strongholds of the past to find his true destiny.
And he made me think I could do the same.
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