For the Love of a Princess

I look at this blog, and I feel intimidated.  Kind of funny, really - it's a blog about Disney and Star Wars, and I look at it and go, "I don't want to write in that.  It'll take too long.  I'll sound stupid.  There's too much to say, and I don't have the time to care about it."

It's all a lot of excuses because I feel like I need to talk about something.  But the truth is, I don't need to talk about anything.  I ran my first half marathon, and I feel like I need to write up this big, long post about everything that happened.  But I don't need to do anything.  I don't owe the world anything.  I only owe it to myself to remember that it was amazing.  I smiled the entire time I ran.  I ran 13.1 miles with a freakin' chest cold, and I was never more grateful for hot weather and 90% humidity in my life.  I could breathe because of that weather, and I believe it contributed to me getting through.  My homemade Rapunzel-esque costume worked perfectly.  I got pictures with princesses before the race started.  They had fireworks going when I was running into Magic Kingdom.  They played "Back in the Saddle Again" when I crossed into Frontierland, and I thought of my Mom and Dad and all of the years we've spent together in Florida building memories.  That made me smile even more.

And I got through.  I'm officially a Disney Half Marathon princess now.  Pascal and I made our way through all of those miles to cross the finish line with a smile on our faces, and it was worth every moment of training that I put into it last year.  I found my nerd husband (who was having a good health morning that morning), and he met me with a single, bright red rose.  He was so proud of me.  He was beaming.  He took my picture, and he showed me video of me in the home stretch.  He was cheering loudly on the video.  I never got the chance to see him even though I looked, but he was here, and he was so, so proud.  It made me feel amazing.

Would I do it again?  Yes, I would.  But I think I'm going to wait for Star Wars because I'm assuming that at some point in the future, that half marathon course will run through Star Wars Land...and I'm not missing out on that.

It's back to real life now - at least for a little bit.  It sort of stunned me when I looked at the calendar just a bit ago and realized we're only a little more than a month away from our trip for Star Wars Celebration in Chicago.  That's insane!  With everything going on in life (and believe me, behind the scenes, there's a LOT of crap going on), I kind of forgot all about it.  Which means I also forgot all about all of my grand plans for costuming and starting early and whatnot. 

Right now, I'm sitting here thinking I might not even bring a costume.  That feels odd considering I've at least had one costume at every convention I've attended.  So I'm still thinking it through and deciding how I feel as time passes by.  Honestly, my attentions are elsewhere in life right now, and costuming or sewing or creation of anything just feels like work.  I have enough on my plate, and the last thing I want to do it accumulate more work and/or heartache for myself.  Add on to that the fact that I actually gained weight while training for this half marathon (oops), and I don't want to make myself feel bad about the fact that some things just might not fit.  I accept that because, hey, I was able to run a half marathon and finish strongly.  I don't need to get ahead of myself and undermine my accomplishment.  I'll get back to where I was, but I don't want to subject myself to the pain of feeling bad because such-and-such pants don't fit, and omgtheworldisgoingtoendbecausei'mfat.

So I'm over here kind of in limbo - looking at costume upgrade and changes I could make to existing costumes, not wanting to spend the money because of personal challenges we're facing at the moment, wondering if taking this trip is a good idea, but knowing that ultimately it is a good idea, curious about how long it'll take me to get back into a shape I'm 100% comfortable with, debating whether or not I should eat another girl scout cookie because they're too darned good, hoping our friends aren't annoyed that we haven't reached out to make plans with them, and wishing I could just sit and rest and not have this insane run-on sentence of worries flow through my head 24/7.

The paragraph about is why I don't write here (or anywhere) hardly at all.  I feel obligated or concerned, and I don't write with reckless abandon like I used to.  But this entire post was recklessly written with abandon (and then a little editing at the end), so maybe this is what I need to do.  Maybe it's just like training for that half marathon.  Take your time.  Make yourself strong.  Remember it's okay to fail.  Remember it's okay to amend your plans.  Remember that life doesn't always work the way you want it to, but it does work, and you can work within it.  That's what I want to strive to do.  I want to strive to keep moving, keep working, and keep pushing forward.

At a particularly rough patch this winter, I wrote a note on a purple post-it and attached it to my monitor at work.  Dated January 16, 2019, it reads: "I have the strength to keep going - mentally and physically.  I've proven it time and time again."

As Han would say, "It's true.  All of it." 

A Girl Against the Universe - a Running Story

So a few years ago I picked up something I never thought I would - running.

I was always the little chubby kid in gym class.  The one that got picked last for teams.  The one that couldn't finish running "the mile" test.  The one that liked literature, music, and art way more than physical activity.  Then, a few years back, I was trying to think of something I had never done before.  I wanted a new goal - something brand new and shiny to work on achieving.  Something I never thought I'd ever be able to accomplish.  So I set out with a Couch to 5k app and a goal to run my first 5K.

I did it.  And from there I ran a couple more 5Ks.  Then the Nerd Husband and I trained for the Inaugural Star Wars Dark Side 10K at Walt Disney World.  It was freaking amazing.

Then our world blew up.  The Nerd Husband's grandfather grew sicker until he was finally diagnosed with pancreatic cancer.  He passed away quickly after a hellish fight.  Then my biological mother had a stroke while we were in Florida, and there I was - worrying for my family until I could get back home.  Then - most recently - we had an ice storm, and the Nerd Husband fell in our driveway and broke his left hip.  We lived with my parents for a month until he could come home and do the stairs (slowly and only once a day in the beginning).

Needless to say, we haven't been home much.  Our house has suffered for it.  We have suffered for it - physically and mentally.  It's been trying.  Running fell to the wayside.  Making it through to the next day was really the only goal.

During this last trial - the Nerd Husband's accident - I came up with my next plan.  In between sitting in the hospital with my husband and doing the drives back and forth from our house to gather things, take a shower or feed our kitty, it dawned on me that I wanted to show the universe it wouldn't break me.  It wouldn't throw all of this at me and see me back down without a fight.  I remember saying out loud, "No.  I refuse to feel like this, and I won't let you tear me down."  Plus, I was doing all of this to help someone else.  And I'd been helping other people for so long.  I needed to do something purely for me.

I vowed to figure out something I had never done before and make me feel badass, strong, and rebellious against the universe.  I thought about a tattoo or dyeing my hair another color.  But then my brain rested upon one thought...

I'll run a half marathon.

Not sure that was a normal train of thought.  But then again, I've never claimed to be normal.

I've always been interested in the runDisney half marathons.  I remember being there right after Princess weekend and seeing all of the people on the buses and in the parks with their medals.  It was really inspiring because there were people of all shapes, sizes, and walks of life.  It looked like a goal that anyone could obtain with training and tenacity.  I honestly wasn't sure if I'd ever be one of those people, but I wanted to be one of those people.  Plus, how wonderful would it be to run through the place that holds so many wonderful family memories for me.  Family and friends and people I don't have with me anymore.  They're all still there, in that place, in those moments.

The details are fuzzy on how it all came about, and it was a while before I put my mind to a permanent decision on when this would all go down.  I recall asking my virtual running group for advice, signing up for a local 10K (for experience and a time to submit), writing out a training schedule, and then eventually marking my vacation time in my work calendar for "February 2019".

Princess Half Marathon 2019 had been decided.

Now I have a little Disney Princess dry erase board from the Dollar Tree sitting in my cubicle at work, counting down the days to registration.  I have nerves floating around in my gut because the registration process got changed this year, and they pushed the dates further away than originally planned.  I have a countdown on my phone, and I'm debating where the best place to stay is and how to make this all work.

Best of all, I have a goal, and I'm nervous as hell about it - but it's mine.  And that is so stinking exciting that I can't even begin to explain to you how exciting it is.  This is mine, and no one can take it from me.  I know that bad things can happen, and chances are they totally will.  Who even knows what will/could happen when I'm away next February?  But bad stuff is going to happen no matter where you are, who you're with, or what you try to do to prevent it.  You can't prevent life.  Life finds a way.  The best you can do is live your life for you.  Do the things you can do while you can do them.  Share your strength and love with others.  And remember to be kind to you.  Always.  In all things.

Now, if you'll excuse me, this princess has a half marathon training schedule to contemplate.

A Mixture of Things and Stuff

Just a little lunchtime update - because I need to share the awesome.

The baby shower (which was the second column on my massive to do list that I've been keeping for weeks now) was yesterday, and it went off without a hitch!  It was so awesome to have everyone come together for the planning, set-up, and clean-up of the whole event.  Our whole bunch worked together so well, and it made things so super easy.  I think everyone had a great time.

So now, that column on the to do list will get hidden, and we focus on only two columns - "Personal" and "Celebration" (as in Star Wars Celebration).  It's so satisfying to see the time dwindling down toward vacation, and yet I'm also slightly panicky on occasion.  However - just like the baby shower - I think this will all come together and be a pretty awesome event.

Costume-wise, I didn't do anything over the weekend because I was working on baby shower planning and whatnot.  But I did have some fun little costuming things that popped up last week at various times.  I did do some work Thursday and Friday nights, so we can talk a little bit about that, at least.

Thursday night I decided to take some time to work on yet another Asajj Ventress make-up test.  This one went really well, and I'm thrilled with the new make-up style that I'm testing out.  I managed to find some great matte eyeshadows for shading and defining, too.  I'll have to write-up a more detailed post on this later when I have time, but I think it'll work out really well.

Friday was St. Patrick's Day, so I wanted to follow tradition and wear some green but with a nerdy twist.  I pulled out my Her Universe Death Star Plans dress (because it has green in it), my almost-complete Jyn jacket, a Rogue One patch that I quickly stitched onto the jacket sleeve, and some shamrock socks.  I put it all together for a pretty nifty outfit, if I do say so myself.   Not one person noticed.  I so felt like a Rebel spy.  It was awesome.  Also, a little part of me was sad that no one noticed, but the other part of me felt cool for being such an expert undercover operative.  So points for me on the Imaginary Scoreboard of Life.

I also finished up the Kyber Crystal necklace on Friday night by adding the findings onto the leather cord and adding a dab of glue to keep it all secure.  I'm kind of proud of this little project for a few reasons.  First of all, it allowed me to use some items I already had sitting around the house (leather cording, wire, jewelry findings and jump rings).  The only things I purchased for this particular part of the costume was some E6000 glue (which I have never used before in my life and really need more practice with) and a little quartz crystal from a fun little local shop called Accent on Nature.  Secondly, I got to visit this awesome little store I otherwise might not have run into, and I actually ended up spending way more time looking around than I intended.  I found the employee working that evening was so engaging and willing to help out.  He wanted to see the image from the movie, and then he walked around to help me find ways to replicate the project.  It was extremely helpful for a person like me who has little to no experience in jewelry-making.  They also had shop kitties that roamed around and helped you out with your shopping experience.  It was pretty excellent.

Friday was also a test of some fabric paint for the Jyn jacket.  I tried a mixture of yellow acrylic and white Tulip "puffy paint" again to get that screen printed puff quality, but I'm either not mixing it at the correct ratio or the puffy paint properties just get lost when you mix in the acrylic.  I can't really mix too much more white in, though, because then my yellow starts to turn to a pastel, and Jyn is not an Easter egg.  I've been playing with mixing up some colors along with the yellow acrylic I have, too - just to see if another shade needs to be used.  But I can't find anything I like.  The black made it green.  The tan did almost the same thing as the white and turned it pastel yellow again.  And honestly, I kind of like how the yellow looks on its own.  So I might just go with that.  We'll see.

Finally - today - I decided to throw a bit more costume stuff together.  I grabbed the Kyber crystal necklace and the almost-complete Jyn jacket on my way out the door for work.  The Kyber crystal held up fantastically.  No issues.  However, the second run of the Jyn jacket actually caused some popped stitches in the back area.  I had created a little shoulder vent by using a blind hem stitch because I thought it looked better than an actual seam would down the back shoulders of the jacket.  However, two of the stitches popped when I tried to throw it over my shoulder this morning and pull it into place.  It tugged at the fibers of the fabric weave, too, and it kind of messed them up.  Not a big deal, really, but definitely one I'm going to have to revisit (do I care to add a seam or simply leave "as is").

Despite all of this, I think my next stop on this little project is working on the gloves.  I need to shorten those, add the wrist strap, and then those should be done and ready to go.  Once those are done, I'll figure out the next step and then the next, until - finally - we'll have something that's "close enough" and hopefully still looks pretty darned fun.

Help Me, Obi-Wan Kenobi. I'm a Big Ol' Mope.

Mope.  That was the word of the day yesterday.  Mope mope mope.  Which is kind of a funny word when you think of it.

Last night was another discouraging night in the land of costumes.  It was a bad brain day, and those days tend to be plaguing me more often than not lately.  I let my pessimistic person out to play a bit, and a few people got the brunt of it at work.  I'm thankful for their patience, but it can't be easy when someone responds to your "things will get better" with "no, they won't - they never do."  Yep.  Cringe-worthy pessimistic response of despair right there.  Really, I should have just said "thank you" and taken their words to be encouraging.  Instead, I sank further into my personal mope until the mopery clouded every other single thing I did that night.

I went shopping for some supplies for a baby shower that we're throwing for a friend, and I then questioned everything I purchased when I got home.  I also went shopping for a couple of costume items - a "good enough" shirt and pants for Jyn Erso and a necklace for a Once Upon a Time Disney Bounding project that another friend of mine and I are working on for April (that's another post).  I found a necklace, but it wasn't what I had originally intended to purchase; it just looked cool.  I didn't find pants.  I found a shirt that was perfect - but it wasn't in my size and it wasn't on sale.  I did manage to find a couple of cool t-shirts for my Nerd Husband and my bro-in-law, but I still kind of left feeling let down.  I then hit a thrift store nearby (which I shouldn't have; I never have luck at this particular one), and then decided - since I'm out - I might as well try Marshall's because they're right across the street.

Nothing.  Nothing nothing nothing.  Grr.

I got home and saw that all of my fun eBay purchases had arrived today (3 of them) - a baby shower item, a Jyn vest, and the Disney Bound shirt.  The baby shower item was a vintage book in great condition.  Check.  The Jyn vest was...awful.  The wrong color (tan - my fault, should have read better - but the pictures made it look less tan that it is which is...pretty darned tan).  It fit funky.  It was just ugh.  Which - unfortunately - that disappointment carried over into the Disney Bound shirt (which I really think will be pretty cool despite it not being 100% my style).

So I sat on the couch, clicked through eBay, and moped.  I texted a friend with a mope that consisted of something along the lines of "I give up - meh".  I moped on Facebook about the Kohl's shirt.  I even flat-out admitted to the Nerd Husband I was moping.

NH:  Are you tired?
Me:  No.  But if you're tired, you should go lie down.
NH:  I don't want to leave you down here by yourself.
Me:  I'm okay.
NH:  What are you going to do?
Me:  Mope.

Yep.  It kind of went like that.

In the middle of all of my moping, I had some people who reached out.  I kind of shut out the light they were shedding on the situation last night, but this morning I want to thank them.  All of them.  My sister-in-law for offering to look for the shirt at another Kohl's.  My friend on Facebook who gave me the info about getting free shipping if you order a different size of the same item from a Kohl's kiosk.  My friend who listened and responded to my moping texts with encouragement.  My NH for putting up with my sorry butt.

You all must have done your job well, because - in the middle of my moping - I made a snap-decision to purchase a new brown vest on eBay.  It's on it's way.  I figure if it doesn't work, then at least it's in nice enough condition that I can wear it in "real" life.  I went to bed and laid there for what felt like forever, trying to sleep, until finally I drifted off into weird dreams.

This morning, I woke up with a renewed s sense of Lara Croft-ness - that is to say, "Eff you, world.  I got this.  You tell me I can't do something?  Watch me."  So today was spent with me trying to sort through some crafting items this morning, organize in my brain what I'd like to try to work on, and figure out where I can get some pieces to make this new brown vest look at least a little like Jyn.  I reached out to another friend of mine who I knew recently put in a drip-line irrigation system for his outdoor garden.  He has spare black tubing, and I asked if I could steal a length of it.  Done - and free for me (thank you, friend!).  I've got plans to go through my "bits and bobbles" box and see what I can pull out to make some greeblies.  And a new text from the friend I moped to last night gave me encouragement to make sure this project doesn't feel like "work" to me - let it be my thing that isn't work in the midst of all of this other crap.  Enjoy it.  (Thank you, friend - I'm going to try.)

So to all of you - my Obi-Wan Kenobis in my time of need - I sincerely thank you for the hope you gave to this mope.  May the Force be with you always, my friends.

P.S. - And I ordered the shirt from Kohl's today.  In my size.  And it was on sale with free shipping to the store.  Boom, baby.  I win this round.

Operation Orchid (or How Shada Intends To Become A Princess)

I have a lot of crazy ideas that never come to fruition - this is true.  I have more fabric in my stash to make random costumes of craziness that come to me on a whim.  I currently have enough fabric to make Leia's ceremonial gown probably twice, as well as a fabric for a costume for Morrigan from video game "Dragon Age".  I even have parts of these costumes that are completed!  Shoes for Leia, a skirt for Morrigan that's been drafted and cut and sewn together and looks awesome.

But they sit.  Leia has sat for years - I can't even begin to tell you how long.  It's embarrassing, really, when I think about it because it makes me sound like I'm unable to complete any projects.  I know this isn't true; I finished a Leia Endor gown in about a month or two before Star Wars Celebration the last time.  So I'm capable of working and completing an outfit.  I guess I just get sidetracked by real life.

Which leads me to where I am now - with grand ideas and pretty fabric but sidetracked by life.

We've been dealing with a lot going on, honestly.  It all hovers around the not-so-great things in life like hospitals and sickness and death and medical tests and recovery.  I shudder when I think about it.  So since this blog was created as a positive outlet for me, I'm going to try and set that aside right now and focus on the really cool ideas and things that have happened lately.

The best is Operation Orchid.

I didn't even know this project was going to have a cool behind-the-scenes spy-mission type name, but now it just makes it even better.  I have a good friend of mine to thank for that, and us both being Once Upon a Time fans just made it that much cooler (if you can say this is cool).  So some backstory before I get ahead of myself here...

Utilizing the Annual Passes of Awesome, the Nerd Husband and I have a trip to Walt Disney World planned for October.  We'll be attending Mickey's Not So Scary Halloween Party (MNSSHP) while we're there, and it's the one chance that adults have to actually go to the Magic Kingdom in a costume.  I love any excuse to pull out a costume, so this just made me horribly happy.  The Nerd Husband and I had some conversations about possible costumes, but I recognize that cosplay is not the NH's "thing".  He's good enough to go along with my crazy hobby and let's me suck him into it now and then, sure.  But he really lets me lead on these adventures.

I spouted off a few ideas, but nothing huge:

• Rey in her Resistance Outfit and Poe Dameron (or maybe just his jacket because that's cool-looking)
• River Song and the 11th Doctor (really, we already have these costumes, but I would have wanted to make a new River dress - the green one - the impossible one)
• Rey and BB-8! (he made a face at this one - an "are you crazy?" kind of face, so I dropped it)
• Random Jedi (both of us)
• Leia dress and Random Jedi
• Marian Ravenwood and Indiana Jones
• Regina the Evil Queen and Robin Hood

I probably had a flurry of other ideas, and I couldn't settle on a darned thing.  Once Star Wars Celebration was announced for April 2017 (I guess that's something else I have to talk about), that kind of pushed my Rey costume plans forward for that con.  I could completed River Song, I think, but that wasn't really Disney.  I wanted something else.

The Once Upon a Time idea was good, but I wanted to try and stick to the easier side of the Disney costume rules which "discourages" floor length gowns.  I could put Regina and Robin in normal clothing, sure, but what's the fun in that?  So that went out the window.  Heck, if I was trying to stick to that rule, it kind of knocked quite a few things of my list, even when I started going through the lists of the princesses.

Until I ran into Rapunzel.  Whose skirt does not reach the floor.  And I went OMGFANGIRLSQUEE.

For the most part, I am not a Disney princess fangirl.  Not that there's anything wrong with the Disney princesses, but I didn't connect with any of them, really.  However, Tangled quickly became a favorite of mine, and on some weird note, I connected with Rapunzel as a character.  Here was a girl who was naive and knew it, but she wanted to change it as best she could.  She was scared to do so, but she did it anyway.  She waffled back and forth about whether or not she was right or wrong, and she fought for the things she believed in.  She took the good with the bad and hurt and cried and suffered, and then finds where she belongs.  I guess I liked that.

So my brain went, "Hey, why not Rapunzel?"

I responded, "But I don't want to wear a ginormous blonde wig in Florida in October."

My brain said, "Hey, she gets her hair cut at the end of the movie.  It's cute and it's brown and it's short."

I thought about it, and I gave into my brain.  That was how the Rapunzel dress came to be the next project of choice.

With any costume, you spend more time in research and search-for-resources mode than you do in the actual construction - I swear to you.  I've looked at more blogs, random Deviant Art pages, screen cap sites, and message boards than I can found.  I searched the dark corners of the internet for fabric stores.  I downloaded pictures on my tablet, my phone, employed my mother-in-law accidentally to help me out, and this project just sort of blew up and took over.  Granted, I let it - because it's exciting to work on something pretty for a change.

However, my research turned up kind of a bust when it came to the fabric arena.  I ended up purchasing a quilting cotton that I liked color-wise for the bodice, but it's cotton - I'm not sure how that will look, honestly.  So it's not even really officially a start.  The colors on this costume are just insanely impossible to match because you don't know if they're pinks or purples.  They're neither and they're both, and it's as frustrating as herding banthas (I imagine).

After searching JoAnn Fabric's, two local thrift stores, and a hole-in-the-wall sewing shop I found, I was still empty-handed on fabric.  I'd done numerous online searches to see if other bloggers or cosplayers had mentioned where they'd purchased their fabric or what color or anything.  Nothing.  Sigh.  Until one day...I did a search on a whim.  I was tired and was giving up.  And there it was: Writer, Cosplayer, and Digital Artist - Julie Hall.

I have no idea who Julie is, but I want to make sure this lady gets credit because boy, did she ever help me!  Thank you, Julie - from the bottom of my geeky heart.  She pointed me in the direction of Hobby Lobby which had the exact color of poly satin I had been looking for - Radiant Orchid.  My nearest Hobby Lobby is a bit of a way from me, and with everything going on I knew I wouldn't have a chance to get there for weeks.  I could purchase it online, sure, but I really hate not being able to see the fabric sometimes.

So I employed my friend M.  We'll call him M because it's safe, and it makes him sound sort of mysterious - like he should be in a James Bond movie or something.  M lives on the side of town maybe 2 minutes from the Hobby Lobby, so I thought about it a bit and then I sent him a message.

Me: Question for you.  Do you have plans to visit your Hobby Lobby anytime soon?  *insert long search explanation here*
M (without hesitation): I can totally go tomorrow morning.  What color are you looking for?

My friends are awesome.  They just are.

The next day, I get a text message at 9:02 in the morning from M: "I'm on my way to the Lobby.  Operation Orchid is now in effect!!"  M later sent me pictures - with flash, without flash, described the fabric as best he could, and even searched in the clearance bins for matching thread (though there was none).  He even brought a coupon to cut down on the already pretty cheap price of $4.99 a yard.

I bought 4 yards - grand total of $12.88.  That's some good shoppin', in my opinion, and Operation Orchid was a success.  I haven't figured out if just that part of it should be called Operation Orchid or if this whole project should be - I think I'm going to make that the title of the whole costume, though.  I just absolutely love it, and it feel so Once Upon A Timey.

I won't get to dig into that fabric for a while, and I won't be able to go out and search for any coordinating fabric for a while, either.  Again, real life (and not the good kind) is creeping in on me, and I just have to face it for a while.  But hopefully this good stuff will be waiting on me when I get back.

I just realized I used the name Shada in the title.  Do you remember who Shada is?  It's Me!  I haven't explained where that nickname came from, but that's another post for another time.  Until then...you just get a little reminder of a little something I posted ages ago.  And now back to your regularly scheduled program...

The Past of Fandom Relived

Oh, fandom.  Fandom is a funny thing.  Fandom is what makes you crazy.  It's what allows you to strike up conversations with people you never would have met.  Travel to places you never would have gone.  Wear things you never would have worn (body makeup and a bald cap?  puh-leeze).  Fandom is what drives to you seek out places to talk about your fandom.

Back in the early 2000s (doesn't that sound like forever ago), that's exactly what I did.  I had started college and was working while doing school.  I didn't live on campus which didn't allow much much chance to make new friends and socialize.  So I did what a lot of us did during that time - I took to the internet.  It was there that I found the StarWars.com message boards.  Sadly, the boards no longer exist because the times have changed, but those message boards were a saving grace for me during that time.  I made friendships with people from all over the world.  I met up with folks in person in conventions.  I connected with good people who shared a common interest, and it was Star Wars that wove us all together into this tapestry of awesome.

Today, while working on a mundane printing project at work, I thought about the boards for some reason.  I was thinking about this blog and how things "used to be", and I rememered the old StarWars.com blogs of old.  I'd forgotten all about it.  Had I saved my entries before the blogs ended?  Maybe I could find them on the "Wayback Machine" in the internet archives.  So when I had a free moment at lunch, I pulled up the old StarWars.com.  I had no luck, really.  I found the blogs, yes, but searching through them page by page without remembering my old URL address didn't really seem like a good use of my lunch hour.

So I did a Google search, thinking I wouldn't turn up much because this thing has been dead for years.  But lo and behold, I found a link to my old blog on Club Jade's website.  First of all, I had never realized I'd been featured anywhere, which made me feel awesome about ten years too late - lol.  But then I realized - holy cow, look at that, I'm talk about the Binary Sunset.  That's this blog!  The Twin Sun Destiny!  There's a link!!

Back to the trusty Wayback Machine I went, and I plugged in my URL...and the memories flooded in.  It was crazy.  It was unfortunate I wasn't able to uncover all of my entries, but I read through a few of them.  I made sure I read through the Binary Sunset one, though.  I was curious as to how 10 year old younger me phrased this.

And I liked it.  It seemed fitting.  And I still totally agreed with it...


Thoughts on a Binary Sunset 
by Lady Shada
date posted: Sep 26, 2006 7:49 PM

One simple look.

That's all it took to grab the attention, to kidnap the senses and pull them closer to simply see...and feel.

Just one fleeting moment. One simple binary sunset of purples and reds...and a sigh from a farmboy filled with wanderlust. A hoper that wanted more out of life than what his "family" had to offer him. A dreamer that knew his future lied along a different path than that of his peers.

A disappointed boy. A boy who simply watched the suns set on all of those adventures, hopes and dreams. And he stared hopelessly as they simply burned out, dying, falling...sinking into the sands of the very planet that held him back.

In that one moment, I became a fan. But "fan" isn't even the proper word for it, is it? "Fan" sounds too...fun. All too often, I take part in the playful side of this fandom. The collecting (Star Wars Legos decorate my computer desk), the costumes (my Jedi robe is hanging in its rightful place on my door)...all of that sort of "kid stuff" that no one really understands except you (oh, yeah, I own coloring books too...which have been used.) After all, that's what Star Wars is all about right? It's about the fantasy - that operatic space drama that we can use as an escape tactic to take us away from the real world if only for a moment.

What happens, though, when in one moment, that space drama that seemed like the biggest piece of fiction on earth reflects your reality?

In that one moment - that one look from Luke Skywalker as he watched those suns setting - I saw myself. Maybe it sounds silly. Maybe it sounds absurd. Maybe you'll say, "Shada, you need to get out more and meet people." But it's true. It happened. And every now and then, I still see it.

I don't just see it, either. I feel it. Every disappointment, every hurt, every...hollow ache inside of your chest that just...begs for something more. Something you know is out there waiting for you but you lack the means and the know-how and the courage and will-power to strive for it. And everything else around you just gobbles up that hope, that dream, and all you can do is just hang your head and walk away.

That's what made me a fan. It wasn't because I thought Han Solo was a dreamboat. It wasn't because I wanted to chop arms off like Obi-Wan Kenobi. And it wasn't because I wanted to fly an X-Wing. Okay...so it was partially because I wanted to fly an X-Wing, but that's not my point.

It was that one moment that started it, that let me identify with a character and connect to him. And then watch as he jumped one obstacle over another that stood in his way...and overcame the strongholds of the past to find his true destiny.

And he made me think I could do the same.

A General Update on Things and Stuff

There's just so much going on right now that I don't even really know where to start.  I know I've been quiet for a while because - surprise! - I've been sick again.  Yep.  Last Monday, my body decided to quit on me and gave me a fun little cold/mini sinus infection.  So far I haven't required a trip to the doctor; I've just been taking my cold meds on a regular basis and hoping again hope that it will go away soon.

But - surprise - it put us behind on training.  Again.  I'm going to try and readjust it as best I can, but I think from here on out, we're just going to have to do our best.  I think we'll be okay, but it will be a little harder because we won't be quite as prepared as we were hoping.  We're going to keep up with our schedule as best we can from now until race day, and I'm just going to keep my fingers crossed for no more illnesses!

In regards to the running costume, I got together with a couple of good friends the weekend before I got sick and had a "Sewing Weekend".  We all worked on various projects, and I brought along my Asajj running costume.  The only part I really managed to complete was the belt (and it's not really complete).  I ran into a snag with the belt buckle - didn't like my original idea.  I think that's going to get scrapped for another idea that's still in the making.  I was originally going to go back to JoAnn Fabrics on Monday night to pick up what I needed, and then - wham - sickness.  So that will probably be a weekend project for me.

In other fun news, Star Wars: The Force Awakens has a Blu-ray release date.  I'm seeing it all over my blog feed, with lots of news about deleted scenes, different covers released at different retailers, as well as who has what exclusives and whatnot.  It's insane.  I'm going to have to do research just to figure out where I want to go buy my copy so I can maximize my features.  (Which is funny because - despite my good intentions - I really only ever watch deleted scenes and that's it.) 

I remember the good old days when I just took my money down to the local Media Play (anyone else remember those?) and bought my VHS Star Wars Trilogy.  Yep.  Those were the days.

I'm seeing a lot of Episode VIII pictures and "spoilers" pop up on my blog feed, too.  They're little things that don't really matter much in terms of spoiling plot lines, but I think they're pretty fun.  They're definitely fueling my little brain.  I'm excited for the return of Mark Hamill, and I really can't wait to see what he has in store for us.  He's always been one of my favorites.

The other major thing I'm waiting on is Rogue One news.  A trailer.  Something!  It sounds like some "footage" was shown to Disney Shareholders as a recent meeting, but it really didn't sound like much more than we've already seen here and there on the internet.  Maybe we'll get something soon...

Until the next time, may the Force be with you!

Star Wars In Concert 2016

I've been on a bit of a hiatus for a while because I recently took a little trip down to Florida to visit Walt Disney World and Universal Studios theme parks.  A good time was had by all - despite the colder temperatures.  There are a number of things I'd like to talk about regarding the trip, but while I was catching up on my blog feed this morning, I saw this little gem:

Star Wars In Concert Coming To A City Near You In 2016.

I kind of flipped out.  I mean - I'm currently listening to The Force Awakens soundtrack, and then BOOM!  TheForce.net gives me this little tidbit to make me fangirl out all over the place.

I was blessed to be able to see this concert back in 2009.  I'd forgotten it was even that long ago until I looked it up.  2009 was a weird year for me.  I kind of "came out of my shell".  Having suffered too long from depression and feeling like it was holding me back, I tried out for a community theater production of You're a Good Man, Charlie Brown.  I scored the role of Lucy, and I was excited and freaked out at the same thing.  I'd done some bit parts here and there in high school.  But here I was an adult (debatable, I know), and this was the largest undertaking I'd ever set out to tackle.

I tackled it.  And then I tackled another role in Little Shop of Horrors as one of the "muses".  Then there was a drama role in a show called Major Barbara. To tack on to that, one of my good friends at the time asked me out - and that put nerd husband and I on the path to where we are now.  (Poor guy, I might just have to call him Nerd Husband (NH?) from here on out.)  So let's see - depression, three community theater productions, new relationship...

...and oh yeah.  Star Wars Concert!  OMG!

That's pretty much how it felt when I heard this was announced and then immediately jumped on the bandwagon to buy tickets.  Nerd Husband and another Star Wars fannish friend of ours came along with me to the concert, and I think we were all blown away.  I actually still have the key chain I purchased sitting on my desk at work as a reminder.

Music has always been a deep love of mine, and John Williams has been a hero since I was old enough to realize who he was.  The man has a deep love for what he does and a magnificent ear and mind.  Every time I hear something new of his, I just have to marvel.  I will admit there have been times here lately that his music has sounded rehashed to me - maybe just reused or tired.  But with the newest Star Wars soundtrack, I cannot help but marvel at the new musical feast he has fed to fans.

You can bet if there's a way, I'll make it to this new concert!

Musings of a Geeky Kind

Right up front.  We're gonna say...

And now I'm gonna talk geeky, yo...

If there's one really, really awesome thing I can say about "The Force Awakens" it's that it's awakened (ha) this whole sleeper cell community of fans that have been quietly going back to their "real lives" after the craziness of the prequels.  Sure, the insanity of the massive Star Wars Celebration gave us some fuel for the fire (Celebration Anaheim was just this past April in 2015).  But the truth is that the Star Wars community - or at least the niche of it that I was a part of - basically became boring, mundane, normal people.  We carried on with jobs.  Relationships.  Bills.  Car issues.  All of this stuff that's just boring.  

And then cue the opening credits for "The Force Awakens".  

Now there is a community of people who used to post on StarWars.com back when we had message boards (remember "message boards", kids?) who have come together on Facebook.  They're sharing memes and theories and delving into analysis and articles and interviews.  They're trying to figure out "The Force Awakens" and all its secrets while also being simultaneously enthralled with "Rogue One", "Episode VIII" and "Episode IX".  These people that I knew back in the day when none of us really had a "real life" to speak of (or so it seemed) have no all put their real lives on hold to come back together and be nerds to the nth degree.

I got sucked into a nerdy discussion last night - which started with reading some threads in the Facebook group and then went into an in depth phone call with a friend of mine as we scoured Google images and Wiki pages for clues.

This is our story...

Unedited, Uninhibited Fangirl Squeeing

I have drafted and rewritten and ignored and then looked at and then ignored again a post for the last four days.  It's because these last four days have been a whirlwind of crazy, fangirl activity mixed in with real life responsibilities, and - frankly - I'm exhausted.  Writing seemed like too much of an effort, and I didn't want to have to edit down my ramblings to something that made sense.

I've been celebrating Star Wars week by "dressing up" my typically casual-esque Star Wars clothing to fit within the lines of my work place's business casual dress code.  I went shopping for fun necklaces, raided my closet for all sorts of items, and threw together awesome outfits.  I took more selfies than a teenager at lunchtime in the bathroom.  It was embarrassing - and amazingly fun.  I had every intention of writing a post a day this week - share an outfit or a story or just ramble.  But nope.  Just felt like it would take me too long to do it. 

So we'll forget the editing and the pictures and all of that.  This post will be unedited, uninhibited.  And ohmygoodnessi'msoexcitedbecausetheforceawakenscomesouttoday.

That's really what today is.  It's Star Wars Day.  It's a day of renewing our fandom, of bringing new friends into the fold, of coming together and seeing something we all love on the big screen again.

I thought I was blessed when I got to see the prequels released in the theater.  I missed out on the original trilogy by five years, and I didn't get to see them on the big screen until the Special Editions were released.  So when Episode I (and the other films) were released, I thought I was a lucky Star Wars fan.

Today - I realize I am far more lucky than I ever realized.  Or maybe, in my experience, there's no such thing as luck as Obi-Wan would say.  Maybe all of my life has pulled me to this silly little franchise because this is where I've found some happiness.  I've found true friendship here and spent so many good times surrounded by good people all in the name of Star Wars.  It sounds horribly silly when you type it out like that, but that's what honestly makes it all so special - the people we share this love with.

So I'm ignoring spoilers and reviews and photos of premiers and everything like that.  I'll be on internet shutdown for the majority of the day.  My showing starts at 8:00pm tonight.  Regular 2D, nothing fancy.  But I am so excited to sit down and share this with my fellow fans. 

May the Force be with us.  Always.