I look at this blog, and I feel intimidated. Kind of funny, really - it's a blog about Disney and Star Wars, and I look at it and go, "I don't want to write in that. It'll take too long. I'll sound stupid. There's too much to say, and I don't have the time to care about it."
It's all a lot of excuses because I feel like I need to talk about something. But the truth is, I don't need to talk about anything. I ran my first half marathon, and I feel like I need to write up this big, long post about everything that happened. But I don't need to do anything. I don't owe the world anything. I only owe it to myself to remember that it was amazing. I smiled the entire time I ran. I ran 13.1 miles with a freakin' chest cold, and I was never more grateful for hot weather and 90% humidity in my life. I could breathe because of that weather, and I believe it contributed to me getting through. My homemade Rapunzel-esque costume worked perfectly. I got pictures with princesses before the race started. They had fireworks going when I was running into Magic Kingdom. They played "Back in the Saddle Again" when I crossed into Frontierland,
and I thought of my Mom and Dad and all of the years we've spent
together in Florida building memories. That made me smile even more.
And I got through. I'm officially a Disney Half Marathon princess now. Pascal and I made our way through all of those miles to cross the finish line with a smile on our faces, and it was worth every moment of training that I put into it last year. I found my nerd husband (who was having a good health morning that morning), and he met me with a single, bright red rose. He was so proud of me. He was beaming. He took my picture, and he showed me video of me in the home stretch. He was cheering loudly on the video. I never got the chance to see him even though I looked, but he was here, and he was so, so proud. It made me feel amazing.
Would I do it again? Yes, I would. But I think I'm going to wait for Star Wars because I'm assuming that at some point in the future, that half marathon course will run through Star Wars Land...and I'm not missing out on that.
It's back to real life now - at least for a little bit. It sort of stunned me when I looked at the calendar just a bit ago and realized we're only a little more than a month away from our trip for Star Wars Celebration in Chicago. That's insane! With everything going on in life (and believe me, behind the scenes, there's a LOT of crap going on), I kind of forgot all about it. Which means I also forgot all about all of my grand plans for costuming and starting early and whatnot.
Right now, I'm sitting here thinking I might not even bring a costume. That feels odd considering I've at least had one costume at every convention I've attended. So I'm still thinking it through and deciding how I feel as time passes by. Honestly, my attentions are elsewhere in life right now, and costuming or sewing or creation of anything just feels like work. I have enough on my plate, and the last thing I want to do it accumulate more work and/or heartache for myself. Add on to that the fact that I actually gained weight while training for this half marathon (oops), and I don't want to make myself feel bad about the fact that some things just might not fit. I accept that because, hey, I was able to run a half marathon and finish strongly. I don't need to get ahead of myself and undermine my accomplishment. I'll get back to where I was, but I don't want to subject myself to the pain of feeling bad because such-and-such pants don't fit, and omgtheworldisgoingtoendbecausei'mfat.
So I'm over here kind of in limbo - looking at costume upgrade and changes I could make to existing costumes, not wanting to spend the money because of personal challenges we're facing at the moment, wondering if taking this trip is a good idea, but knowing that ultimately it is a good idea, curious about how long it'll take me to get back into a shape I'm 100% comfortable with, debating whether or not I should eat another girl scout cookie because they're too darned good, hoping our friends aren't annoyed that we haven't reached out to make plans with them, and wishing I could just sit and rest and not have this insane run-on sentence of worries flow through my head 24/7.
The paragraph about is why I don't write here (or anywhere) hardly at all. I feel obligated or concerned, and I don't write with reckless abandon like I used to. But this entire post was recklessly written with abandon (and then a little editing at the end), so maybe this is what I need to do. Maybe it's just like training for that half marathon. Take your time. Make yourself strong. Remember it's okay to fail. Remember it's okay to amend your plans. Remember that life doesn't always work the way you want it to, but it does work, and you can work within it. That's what I want to strive to do. I want to strive to keep moving, keep working, and keep pushing forward.
At a particularly rough patch this winter, I wrote a note on a purple post-it and attached it to my monitor at work. Dated January 16, 2019, it reads: "I have the strength to keep going - mentally and physically. I've proven it time and time again."
As Han would say, "It's true. All of it."
Showing posts with label anxiety. Show all posts
Showing posts with label anxiety. Show all posts
Monday, March 4, 2019
Friday, November 9, 2018
The Training of a Princess
It's time to take over this space again with some Disney fun. Well, hopefully it's fun - can you call training for a half marathon fun? If not, then I think we should, and I'm determined to do my best to make it fun!
I've talked earlier in the year about this (check out the blog entry here), but we'll sum up the situation. When my Nerd Husband fell last January and broke his hip, I realized that life throws you curve balls no matter how old you are. You aren't excused from illness or hardship just because you're young. There is no time like the present to do the things you want to do because tomorrow you might not be able to do them. So I got a crazy idea - I was going to run my first half marathon.
I did my research. I asked for advice in my online running groups. I debated. I trained for 5ks and a 10k throughout all of 2018. And finally, I signed up for the Princess Half Marathon to be held in Walt Disney World on February 24, 2019.
My training was to officially start on October 23rd, but guess who came down with a chest cold on October 22nd? Yep. There's one of those little curve balls I talked about. So I decided to postpone the start of my training until November 6th. I'm two weeks behind, but I readjusted the training schedule to something I think works. I also knew it would be better than pushing it while I wasn't well. Starting anything while you don't feel good is a big de-motivator, in my opinion.
Speaking of motivation, I knew starting out the gate that I'd need to find some fun ways to spice up these training runs (because when I thought about it, running 10+ miles just really didn't sound like "fun"). I went to the Dollar Tree because that's my go-to place when I'm looking for cheap and fun ways to make a smile happen. I picked up a crazy amount of Disney Princess stickers, and a set of Disney Princess puzzles (4 mini puzzles in one package). I also picked up a few dry erase boards, some self-stick letters, and a couple packages of adhesive glitter paper.
Next, I knew I'd need some calendars for me to keep track of things on, so I went to the Disney Family website and found a printable calendar for November. It looks like they produce a new calendar page each month, so I'll have to keep an eye open.
The first thing I wanted was an inspiration board - a place where I could cheer myself on, write notes, and leave post-its. I used the largest dry erase board I had as well as some of the self-stick letters to create my "Run, Princess Shada" inspiration board. ("Shada" is a Star Wars nickname that was given to me years ago by some very good friends of mine, and it's stuck with me for almost 20 years now.) I still need to attach some string/yarn on the back so I can hang the board in a visible space, but I'm quite happy with it.
The next thing I knew I wanted was a little corner of my cubicle at work to be dedicated to my training. Let's face it - if you work full time, you spend most of your awake time at work instead of at home. That's where I knew I'd need to see motivation more than anywhere else. I took my printed November calendar and hung it in my cubicle along with a Disney Princess dry erase board (that I modified to a bit with stickers to reflect my favorite princess, Rapunzel) to help me count down the days until race time. I also printed and hung up a map of last year's race, along with a couple sheets of glitter Princess stickers that I could use to mark my completed training days on the printer calendar.
Let's talk a bit about this calendar because this is an unexpected find that I think will really help motivate me in the months to come. The fun thing about these calendar pages is that they seem to add little fun days along the way. Nachos Day was November 6th, and the 45th anniversary of Robin Hood was on November 8th for example. Both of those days were training days, and I honestly didn't think of incorporating the "themes" into my day until I mentioned it to my Nerd Husband last night that I thought it might be cool to watch Robin Hood on its anniversary. NH said, "We'll celebrate both themes tonight - nachos for dinner and watch Robin Hood." We did just that, and it was amazing. So I'm going to do my best from here on out to incorporate the fun days into my training days.
The last motivator that I came up with revolves around that group of Disney Princess puzzles I bought. I love puzzles, and I don't feel like I do them all that often because they always end up in the way while I'm working on them. But the few that I've complete and loved actually act as artwork above our fireplace on a rotating basis. Right now, there's a Thomas Kincade Cinderella's Castle of there, and it's gorgeous. Anyway, I digress... The Disney Princess puzzles motivator is going to work a little something like this.
With each training session I complete, I "earn" one piece of the puzzle. I won't draw my pieces from the pile until the end of each week, so I can draw up to three pieces at a time. The pieces might be for any of the four puzzles, so that will be the tricky part. I'll have to collect my earned pieces, sort them out based on which puzzle I think they go with, and the final goal is to assemble them as quickly as possible. It's a bit of luck mixed with a bit of skill and a lot of making-this-up-as-I-go-along. I think it'll be a good time.
I'll be posting quite a bit about this on social media when I can because I think it has the potential for a couple of good things:
1) Make people happy. It sounds ridiculous, but honestly, I think my goal in life is to try and bring a smile or a laugh. It's the reason I do a lot of what I do or share what I decide to share. So if me making a silly face and talking about stickers makes your day, then follow along on my journey.
2) Make people believe they can do what they set their minds to doing. I realize we all have limitations and things that hold us back, but I do truly believe that we have a lot of power in our minds and bodies, even if they're "broken". I've personally dealt with a history of mental illness for a vast majority of my life. I know how broken your mind can feel. While I've not dealt with physical disability and I know I can't imagine the full effect of the situation. I know I've witnessed those who have dealt with it, and I've seen how broken their hearts can be when they can't achieve what they once could. That's heartbreaking. But I believe there are ways that we can work within a system and make things the best that we can make them. We might not achieve what we could if we weren't "broken", but I believe that having to work within a system designed to hold you back makes your stronger, wiser, and more determined. And it makes victory so much sweeter. I want people to know that and remember it.
While I'll be posting little blurbs on social media, I'll be keeping the bulk of my wordiness out of the limelight and leaving it here in my blog. I know I get wordy when I write, and that's no for everyone. But if it is for you, then it's here, and I hope it helps you in some small way, shape or form.
I've got this. I can do this. I know I can, and I believe I can. I'm nervous that I can't. There might be people who say I can't. But the small voice inside of me that rises up in dark times whispers to me, "Run."
I've talked earlier in the year about this (check out the blog entry here), but we'll sum up the situation. When my Nerd Husband fell last January and broke his hip, I realized that life throws you curve balls no matter how old you are. You aren't excused from illness or hardship just because you're young. There is no time like the present to do the things you want to do because tomorrow you might not be able to do them. So I got a crazy idea - I was going to run my first half marathon.
I did my research. I asked for advice in my online running groups. I debated. I trained for 5ks and a 10k throughout all of 2018. And finally, I signed up for the Princess Half Marathon to be held in Walt Disney World on February 24, 2019.
My training was to officially start on October 23rd, but guess who came down with a chest cold on October 22nd? Yep. There's one of those little curve balls I talked about. So I decided to postpone the start of my training until November 6th. I'm two weeks behind, but I readjusted the training schedule to something I think works. I also knew it would be better than pushing it while I wasn't well. Starting anything while you don't feel good is a big de-motivator, in my opinion.
Speaking of motivation, I knew starting out the gate that I'd need to find some fun ways to spice up these training runs (because when I thought about it, running 10+ miles just really didn't sound like "fun"). I went to the Dollar Tree because that's my go-to place when I'm looking for cheap and fun ways to make a smile happen. I picked up a crazy amount of Disney Princess stickers, and a set of Disney Princess puzzles (4 mini puzzles in one package). I also picked up a few dry erase boards, some self-stick letters, and a couple packages of adhesive glitter paper.
Next, I knew I'd need some calendars for me to keep track of things on, so I went to the Disney Family website and found a printable calendar for November. It looks like they produce a new calendar page each month, so I'll have to keep an eye open.
The first thing I wanted was an inspiration board - a place where I could cheer myself on, write notes, and leave post-its. I used the largest dry erase board I had as well as some of the self-stick letters to create my "Run, Princess Shada" inspiration board. ("Shada" is a Star Wars nickname that was given to me years ago by some very good friends of mine, and it's stuck with me for almost 20 years now.) I still need to attach some string/yarn on the back so I can hang the board in a visible space, but I'm quite happy with it.
The next thing I knew I wanted was a little corner of my cubicle at work to be dedicated to my training. Let's face it - if you work full time, you spend most of your awake time at work instead of at home. That's where I knew I'd need to see motivation more than anywhere else. I took my printed November calendar and hung it in my cubicle along with a Disney Princess dry erase board (that I modified to a bit with stickers to reflect my favorite princess, Rapunzel) to help me count down the days until race time. I also printed and hung up a map of last year's race, along with a couple sheets of glitter Princess stickers that I could use to mark my completed training days on the printer calendar.
Let's talk a bit about this calendar because this is an unexpected find that I think will really help motivate me in the months to come. The fun thing about these calendar pages is that they seem to add little fun days along the way. Nachos Day was November 6th, and the 45th anniversary of Robin Hood was on November 8th for example. Both of those days were training days, and I honestly didn't think of incorporating the "themes" into my day until I mentioned it to my Nerd Husband last night that I thought it might be cool to watch Robin Hood on its anniversary. NH said, "We'll celebrate both themes tonight - nachos for dinner and watch Robin Hood." We did just that, and it was amazing. So I'm going to do my best from here on out to incorporate the fun days into my training days.
The last motivator that I came up with revolves around that group of Disney Princess puzzles I bought. I love puzzles, and I don't feel like I do them all that often because they always end up in the way while I'm working on them. But the few that I've complete and loved actually act as artwork above our fireplace on a rotating basis. Right now, there's a Thomas Kincade Cinderella's Castle of there, and it's gorgeous. Anyway, I digress... The Disney Princess puzzles motivator is going to work a little something like this.
With each training session I complete, I "earn" one piece of the puzzle. I won't draw my pieces from the pile until the end of each week, so I can draw up to three pieces at a time. The pieces might be for any of the four puzzles, so that will be the tricky part. I'll have to collect my earned pieces, sort them out based on which puzzle I think they go with, and the final goal is to assemble them as quickly as possible. It's a bit of luck mixed with a bit of skill and a lot of making-this-up-as-I-go-along. I think it'll be a good time.
I'll be posting quite a bit about this on social media when I can because I think it has the potential for a couple of good things:
1) Make people happy. It sounds ridiculous, but honestly, I think my goal in life is to try and bring a smile or a laugh. It's the reason I do a lot of what I do or share what I decide to share. So if me making a silly face and talking about stickers makes your day, then follow along on my journey.
2) Make people believe they can do what they set their minds to doing. I realize we all have limitations and things that hold us back, but I do truly believe that we have a lot of power in our minds and bodies, even if they're "broken". I've personally dealt with a history of mental illness for a vast majority of my life. I know how broken your mind can feel. While I've not dealt with physical disability and I know I can't imagine the full effect of the situation. I know I've witnessed those who have dealt with it, and I've seen how broken their hearts can be when they can't achieve what they once could. That's heartbreaking. But I believe there are ways that we can work within a system and make things the best that we can make them. We might not achieve what we could if we weren't "broken", but I believe that having to work within a system designed to hold you back makes your stronger, wiser, and more determined. And it makes victory so much sweeter. I want people to know that and remember it.
While I'll be posting little blurbs on social media, I'll be keeping the bulk of my wordiness out of the limelight and leaving it here in my blog. I know I get wordy when I write, and that's no for everyone. But if it is for you, then it's here, and I hope it helps you in some small way, shape or form.
I've got this. I can do this. I know I can, and I believe I can. I'm nervous that I can't. There might be people who say I can't. But the small voice inside of me that rises up in dark times whispers to me, "Run."
Wednesday, September 12, 2018
Struggles, Spoilers, and Songs
There's a lot going on these days. At least that's what it feels like. I'm not 100% sure if that's accurate or if that's just feelings, but it's what I'm going with at the moment. There are people I love who are going through some really rough stuff right now. I want to be there for them, but I'm struggling with some personal things, as well. It makes me feel a bit like a selfish attention hog lately - "please, look at me and realize I'm struggling, too - help". And when that doesn't work quite like the annoying 5 year old in me wants it to, I turn to my projects and bury myself in the work that takes over my mind and makes me happy (to a point).
That's a rather depressing introduction to a post that's meant to say...I finally finished my River Song costume. (Is a blog that promises to focus on Disney and Star Wars allowed to be depressing and get off-topic by discussing Doctor Who? You know what - I don't care. Sure, it can. Because it's my blog. So there. ;p)
There are elements of this costume I'm not 100% happy with, and I think that's all right for now. All of my cosplay (I still have a hard time with that word because I used "costume" and "costumer" for years because that was when I started out this entire journey) is done simply and on a certain budget. I like to try to make things from other things instead of spend my time tracking down screen accurate fabric for $40 a yard that requires me to then buy 3 packages of RIT dye to make it the right color. I have nothing against that sort of thing, and I have a great deal of respect for the folks who go through it. It takes a heck of a lot of work, and the results are impressive. I get caught up in this mindset now and then - "how accurate do I need to make this?" or "should I buy this so it's 'right'?" It's a very easy place to fall into, and it's not a bad thing if that's who you want to be.
However, I've come to believe that my real place in his cosplay world and my calling here is to prove to other people that they can do it. You don't have to be a genius. You don't have to break your bank. You don't even have to have knowledge on how to sew. And honestly, if you're out to just have fun - you don't need to be accurate. You just have to be willing to try, to learn, and to work with what you have when you have it. I want to encourage those people who are starting out - the people who feel like crap because someone told them something was "wrong" with their costume. I've had younger folks come up to me at a convention, fangirling or fanboying out over something I've made and then degrading their own work as they're wearing it in front of me, feeling horrible that they can't be as good as someone else. That's when I try to point out to them what I actually have here - a PVC pipe from Home Depot, some silver spray paint, a rubber inner tube from a bicycle tire, a thumbtack, a cell phone clip, some washers, a plastic cable clip, and some glue. It's not much different from what they have at all. And it's certainly not impossible to do with just some time, practice, and a new way of looking at things.
Wow, does this blog entry have a point? Because if it does, I seem to be taking an awfully long time just to say I finally finished my River Song costume. ;) The costume is 100% complete and ready to go for the comic expo I'm attending this weekend. I'm uncertain if she'll go out for one day or two because I anticipate this will be a fun one to walk around in. I guess we'll just wait and see.
And since I'd like to try and follow-through what what I said above (about helping people realize they can do this sort of thing, too), I'd like to follow-up this post with another post talking all about the costume and how I made it work. Look for that to come soon.
In the meantime, just remember that you can do it - whatever "it" is. I know it sounds corny and awful, but I believe that if something lies within our realm of power to change and learn, then we can accomplish it. I think it's easy to forget that because the world like to buck up against us and tell us we can't move. Sometimes, it's true - we can't. Sometimes we're just stuck. But even in those times, your ability to fight forward and keep moving is a blessing, even when your heart, mind, and body are tired. Keep going. Keep moving. Because it's getting closer.
Whatever "it" is.
That's a rather depressing introduction to a post that's meant to say...I finally finished my River Song costume. (Is a blog that promises to focus on Disney and Star Wars allowed to be depressing and get off-topic by discussing Doctor Who? You know what - I don't care. Sure, it can. Because it's my blog. So there. ;p)
There are elements of this costume I'm not 100% happy with, and I think that's all right for now. All of my cosplay (I still have a hard time with that word because I used "costume" and "costumer" for years because that was when I started out this entire journey) is done simply and on a certain budget. I like to try to make things from other things instead of spend my time tracking down screen accurate fabric for $40 a yard that requires me to then buy 3 packages of RIT dye to make it the right color. I have nothing against that sort of thing, and I have a great deal of respect for the folks who go through it. It takes a heck of a lot of work, and the results are impressive. I get caught up in this mindset now and then - "how accurate do I need to make this?" or "should I buy this so it's 'right'?" It's a very easy place to fall into, and it's not a bad thing if that's who you want to be.
However, I've come to believe that my real place in his cosplay world and my calling here is to prove to other people that they can do it. You don't have to be a genius. You don't have to break your bank. You don't even have to have knowledge on how to sew. And honestly, if you're out to just have fun - you don't need to be accurate. You just have to be willing to try, to learn, and to work with what you have when you have it. I want to encourage those people who are starting out - the people who feel like crap because someone told them something was "wrong" with their costume. I've had younger folks come up to me at a convention, fangirling or fanboying out over something I've made and then degrading their own work as they're wearing it in front of me, feeling horrible that they can't be as good as someone else. That's when I try to point out to them what I actually have here - a PVC pipe from Home Depot, some silver spray paint, a rubber inner tube from a bicycle tire, a thumbtack, a cell phone clip, some washers, a plastic cable clip, and some glue. It's not much different from what they have at all. And it's certainly not impossible to do with just some time, practice, and a new way of looking at things.
Wow, does this blog entry have a point? Because if it does, I seem to be taking an awfully long time just to say I finally finished my River Song costume. ;) The costume is 100% complete and ready to go for the comic expo I'm attending this weekend. I'm uncertain if she'll go out for one day or two because I anticipate this will be a fun one to walk around in. I guess we'll just wait and see.
And since I'd like to try and follow-through what what I said above (about helping people realize they can do this sort of thing, too), I'd like to follow-up this post with another post talking all about the costume and how I made it work. Look for that to come soon.
In the meantime, just remember that you can do it - whatever "it" is. I know it sounds corny and awful, but I believe that if something lies within our realm of power to change and learn, then we can accomplish it. I think it's easy to forget that because the world like to buck up against us and tell us we can't move. Sometimes, it's true - we can't. Sometimes we're just stuck. But even in those times, your ability to fight forward and keep moving is a blessing, even when your heart, mind, and body are tired. Keep going. Keep moving. Because it's getting closer.
Whatever "it" is.
Friday, July 7, 2017
Dreams and Hope and Fandom
This blog has been sitting quietly for a while now. I pull it up now and then and stare at it - wondering what will fall on the page next. But nothing seems appropriate right now. I don't feel like going back and rehashing Celebration. I haven't looked through the convention photos much at all. I haven't worked on any new sewing projects. I don't have anything super-lined up and ready to go. The basement is still a mess from April, and I work on cleaning it up piece by piece, week by week.
The truth is we've had some challenging times going on personally, and that's really put me in a down place. I struggle to maintain a positive attitude, but my personal journal is full of a lot of swearing and sadness and blah right now. I don't want to bring that over here into this space because this place is different. I want to keep this as it is - hopeful. So today, when I was feeling a bit hopeful, I decided I'd swing by and give it a shot...and maybe make it Disney or Star Wars related.
Hope is a big thing in both of these fandoms. For example, in Disney, dreams are basically just far-fetched hopes, right? When you wish upon a star, your dreams come true. A dream is a wish your heart makes. I know you; I walked with you once upon a dream. You could seriously exchange dream for hope in each of these sentences, and really your meaning won't change much.
However, if you flip on over to Star Wars, dreams take on a little darker tone in some places. They become things we hope for or don't hope for - they aren't always good things. At nine years old, Anakin has a dream that he was a Jedi. In Attack of the Clones, Anakin keeps dreaming about Padmé. In Revenge of the Sith, Anakin dreams Padmé will die in childbirth. Luke looks around Dagobah and comments that it feels familiar like something out of a dream. These dreams are still steeped in hope, even if they contain darker elements. Hope of a future. Hope of love. Hope of saving the one you love. Hope of being in the right place at the right time.
It all comes back to one thing - dreams and hope. Disney and Star Wars can be reduced down to that if you boil it long enough. And so can life, really. Those are the things that I believe sustain us through the times when we're down or when it seems like we just can't catch a break. I believe that as long as we get up in them morning and go do our day-to-day thing and then lay back down to sleep at the end of the day, then we have hope. If there was no hope of a better tomorrow, then we wouldn't see the point. Some days we don't see the points, that's true. But you know what? We keep going. And that's magnificent, isn't it? That we have that power, that drive. That we can dream of a better day even when the current moment shows us everything to the contrary?
It's astounding what we're capable of if we'd just give ourselves the chance to shine.
The truth is we've had some challenging times going on personally, and that's really put me in a down place. I struggle to maintain a positive attitude, but my personal journal is full of a lot of swearing and sadness and blah right now. I don't want to bring that over here into this space because this place is different. I want to keep this as it is - hopeful. So today, when I was feeling a bit hopeful, I decided I'd swing by and give it a shot...and maybe make it Disney or Star Wars related.
Hope is a big thing in both of these fandoms. For example, in Disney, dreams are basically just far-fetched hopes, right? When you wish upon a star, your dreams come true. A dream is a wish your heart makes. I know you; I walked with you once upon a dream. You could seriously exchange dream for hope in each of these sentences, and really your meaning won't change much.
However, if you flip on over to Star Wars, dreams take on a little darker tone in some places. They become things we hope for or don't hope for - they aren't always good things. At nine years old, Anakin has a dream that he was a Jedi. In Attack of the Clones, Anakin keeps dreaming about Padmé. In Revenge of the Sith, Anakin dreams Padmé will die in childbirth. Luke looks around Dagobah and comments that it feels familiar like something out of a dream. These dreams are still steeped in hope, even if they contain darker elements. Hope of a future. Hope of love. Hope of saving the one you love. Hope of being in the right place at the right time.
It all comes back to one thing - dreams and hope. Disney and Star Wars can be reduced down to that if you boil it long enough. And so can life, really. Those are the things that I believe sustain us through the times when we're down or when it seems like we just can't catch a break. I believe that as long as we get up in them morning and go do our day-to-day thing and then lay back down to sleep at the end of the day, then we have hope. If there was no hope of a better tomorrow, then we wouldn't see the point. Some days we don't see the points, that's true. But you know what? We keep going. And that's magnificent, isn't it? That we have that power, that drive. That we can dream of a better day even when the current moment shows us everything to the contrary?
It's astounding what we're capable of if we'd just give ourselves the chance to shine.
Friday, February 12, 2016
Anxiety, Depression, and Why Yoda is Totally Wrong
I've been personally dealing with a huge increase in anxiety in the last...oh...I've lost count. Who cares anymore. But 2015 kind of put my and a lot of folks who are close to me through an emotional spin cycle, and it was tiring and upsetting and generally just not great. 2016 has so far been about trying to turn that emotional state around and getting back to being at least "okay" with things. I'm not great - far from it. There are days I want to cry, but then there are things that keep me going and make me realize, No - you are strong enough to do this. You can do this. One of those things is training for this Star Wars Dark Side 10K.
I'm not a runner, and I'm not an athlete. I never have been - until late fall 2014. Oddly enough, what inspired me to run was a geeky passion of costuming or cosplay as its known by now. I was putting together a Tomb Raider Reborn costume, and I wanted to feel stronger and more toned while wearing it. So I figured - okay, well, I can do push-ups every morning. And then I thought - okay, maybe I can start running (seriously - where did that thought even come from?). I expected that the best way to start running was to have a goal, and something I'd never done before in my life was run a 5K. So I picked a 5K that supported Prostate Cancer Research and Awareness (a cause close to my heart and life given my Dad's cancer history) and off I went.
And I did it.
I still don't like to call myself a runner, though. I'm not "into it" like a lot of folks. It's not my passion. Star Wars, however, is deeply rooted in my life, and it's a passion that fuels me to do crazy things. Like costume. And I guess run a 10K.
I think I'm getting off topic here, but the main thing is this - if you're fighting with anxiety or worries or depression or whatever, find the thing that makes you happy right at that moment and run with it (maybe even literally). The world is going to throw us crappy things every day, and we have to choose how we want to handle those crappy things. We can either go, "Well, that's crappy. I'm going to sit here and wallow in the crap until I feel crappier." Or we can go, "Well, that's crappy. I'm going to sit here for a little bit, but I won't wallow because...well, it's crap. I'm going to get up and see if there's less crap over there instead." I'm not always great at choosing the second option. I'm trying. That's all we can do is try (no matter what Yoda says - I'll fight the little pointy-eared dude on this one).
So we got back to training last night because the NH (Nerd Husband) was doing much better after his really awful bought of illness on Monday. It was pretty terrible. It's behind us now, and I'm grateful that he's doing so much better. He was able to make it though the entire 30 minute run with no issues! However, I actually ended up with the issue this time around - a pain in my right shin which kept getting worse throughout the run. I had a walk a couple of our running intervals, and the track was also pretty darned crowded last night because it was such a cold day. Plus, we haven't had a training session in nine days.
All of these issues came together to set us back in our pace to a 15:26 min/mile. I'm not happy with this, but I'm trying not to let it get to me. I know the reality of the situation and all of the factor, and I also know how well we've been doing up to this point. So that's what I'm going to try and focus on today, and then we'll see how Saturday (or Sunday) goes.
In other running news, I'm working on a costume for the 10K. I'm pretty excited about costuming anyway, so this added element of awesome to the event just makes me even more excited. I ran through so many ideas in my head before settling on one of them. I was really debating working on an x-wing fighter running outfit at first, but then I figured that this is the Dark Side 10K...so let's evil it up a bit. I didn't want to do Vader. Not a huge Boba fan, and a big fat fangirl "no" to Kylo Ren.
Then it hit me.
Ventress. Asajj Ventress.
More to come on that later...
I'm not a runner, and I'm not an athlete. I never have been - until late fall 2014. Oddly enough, what inspired me to run was a geeky passion of costuming or cosplay as its known by now. I was putting together a Tomb Raider Reborn costume, and I wanted to feel stronger and more toned while wearing it. So I figured - okay, well, I can do push-ups every morning. And then I thought - okay, maybe I can start running (seriously - where did that thought even come from?). I expected that the best way to start running was to have a goal, and something I'd never done before in my life was run a 5K. So I picked a 5K that supported Prostate Cancer Research and Awareness (a cause close to my heart and life given my Dad's cancer history) and off I went.
And I did it.
I still don't like to call myself a runner, though. I'm not "into it" like a lot of folks. It's not my passion. Star Wars, however, is deeply rooted in my life, and it's a passion that fuels me to do crazy things. Like costume. And I guess run a 10K.
I think I'm getting off topic here, but the main thing is this - if you're fighting with anxiety or worries or depression or whatever, find the thing that makes you happy right at that moment and run with it (maybe even literally). The world is going to throw us crappy things every day, and we have to choose how we want to handle those crappy things. We can either go, "Well, that's crappy. I'm going to sit here and wallow in the crap until I feel crappier." Or we can go, "Well, that's crappy. I'm going to sit here for a little bit, but I won't wallow because...well, it's crap. I'm going to get up and see if there's less crap over there instead." I'm not always great at choosing the second option. I'm trying. That's all we can do is try (no matter what Yoda says - I'll fight the little pointy-eared dude on this one).
So we got back to training last night because the NH (Nerd Husband) was doing much better after his really awful bought of illness on Monday. It was pretty terrible. It's behind us now, and I'm grateful that he's doing so much better. He was able to make it though the entire 30 minute run with no issues! However, I actually ended up with the issue this time around - a pain in my right shin which kept getting worse throughout the run. I had a walk a couple of our running intervals, and the track was also pretty darned crowded last night because it was such a cold day. Plus, we haven't had a training session in nine days.
All of these issues came together to set us back in our pace to a 15:26 min/mile. I'm not happy with this, but I'm trying not to let it get to me. I know the reality of the situation and all of the factor, and I also know how well we've been doing up to this point. So that's what I'm going to try and focus on today, and then we'll see how Saturday (or Sunday) goes.
In other running news, I'm working on a costume for the 10K. I'm pretty excited about costuming anyway, so this added element of awesome to the event just makes me even more excited. I ran through so many ideas in my head before settling on one of them. I was really debating working on an x-wing fighter running outfit at first, but then I figured that this is the Dark Side 10K...so let's evil it up a bit. I didn't want to do Vader. Not a huge Boba fan, and a big fat fangirl "no" to Kylo Ren.
Then it hit me.
Ventress. Asajj Ventress.
More to come on that later...
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