For the Love of a Princess

I look at this blog, and I feel intimidated.  Kind of funny, really - it's a blog about Disney and Star Wars, and I look at it and go, "I don't want to write in that.  It'll take too long.  I'll sound stupid.  There's too much to say, and I don't have the time to care about it."

It's all a lot of excuses because I feel like I need to talk about something.  But the truth is, I don't need to talk about anything.  I ran my first half marathon, and I feel like I need to write up this big, long post about everything that happened.  But I don't need to do anything.  I don't owe the world anything.  I only owe it to myself to remember that it was amazing.  I smiled the entire time I ran.  I ran 13.1 miles with a freakin' chest cold, and I was never more grateful for hot weather and 90% humidity in my life.  I could breathe because of that weather, and I believe it contributed to me getting through.  My homemade Rapunzel-esque costume worked perfectly.  I got pictures with princesses before the race started.  They had fireworks going when I was running into Magic Kingdom.  They played "Back in the Saddle Again" when I crossed into Frontierland, and I thought of my Mom and Dad and all of the years we've spent together in Florida building memories.  That made me smile even more.

And I got through.  I'm officially a Disney Half Marathon princess now.  Pascal and I made our way through all of those miles to cross the finish line with a smile on our faces, and it was worth every moment of training that I put into it last year.  I found my nerd husband (who was having a good health morning that morning), and he met me with a single, bright red rose.  He was so proud of me.  He was beaming.  He took my picture, and he showed me video of me in the home stretch.  He was cheering loudly on the video.  I never got the chance to see him even though I looked, but he was here, and he was so, so proud.  It made me feel amazing.

Would I do it again?  Yes, I would.  But I think I'm going to wait for Star Wars because I'm assuming that at some point in the future, that half marathon course will run through Star Wars Land...and I'm not missing out on that.

It's back to real life now - at least for a little bit.  It sort of stunned me when I looked at the calendar just a bit ago and realized we're only a little more than a month away from our trip for Star Wars Celebration in Chicago.  That's insane!  With everything going on in life (and believe me, behind the scenes, there's a LOT of crap going on), I kind of forgot all about it.  Which means I also forgot all about all of my grand plans for costuming and starting early and whatnot. 

Right now, I'm sitting here thinking I might not even bring a costume.  That feels odd considering I've at least had one costume at every convention I've attended.  So I'm still thinking it through and deciding how I feel as time passes by.  Honestly, my attentions are elsewhere in life right now, and costuming or sewing or creation of anything just feels like work.  I have enough on my plate, and the last thing I want to do it accumulate more work and/or heartache for myself.  Add on to that the fact that I actually gained weight while training for this half marathon (oops), and I don't want to make myself feel bad about the fact that some things just might not fit.  I accept that because, hey, I was able to run a half marathon and finish strongly.  I don't need to get ahead of myself and undermine my accomplishment.  I'll get back to where I was, but I don't want to subject myself to the pain of feeling bad because such-and-such pants don't fit, and omgtheworldisgoingtoendbecausei'mfat.

So I'm over here kind of in limbo - looking at costume upgrade and changes I could make to existing costumes, not wanting to spend the money because of personal challenges we're facing at the moment, wondering if taking this trip is a good idea, but knowing that ultimately it is a good idea, curious about how long it'll take me to get back into a shape I'm 100% comfortable with, debating whether or not I should eat another girl scout cookie because they're too darned good, hoping our friends aren't annoyed that we haven't reached out to make plans with them, and wishing I could just sit and rest and not have this insane run-on sentence of worries flow through my head 24/7.

The paragraph about is why I don't write here (or anywhere) hardly at all.  I feel obligated or concerned, and I don't write with reckless abandon like I used to.  But this entire post was recklessly written with abandon (and then a little editing at the end), so maybe this is what I need to do.  Maybe it's just like training for that half marathon.  Take your time.  Make yourself strong.  Remember it's okay to fail.  Remember it's okay to amend your plans.  Remember that life doesn't always work the way you want it to, but it does work, and you can work within it.  That's what I want to strive to do.  I want to strive to keep moving, keep working, and keep pushing forward.

At a particularly rough patch this winter, I wrote a note on a purple post-it and attached it to my monitor at work.  Dated January 16, 2019, it reads: "I have the strength to keep going - mentally and physically.  I've proven it time and time again."

As Han would say, "It's true.  All of it." 

The Training of a Princess

It's time to take over this space again with some Disney fun.  Well, hopefully it's fun - can you call training for a half marathon fun?  If not, then I think we should, and I'm determined to do my best to make it fun!

I've talked earlier in the year about this (check out the blog entry here), but we'll sum up the situation.  When my Nerd Husband fell last January and broke his hip, I realized that life throws you curve balls no matter how old you are.  You aren't excused from illness or hardship just because you're young.  There is no time like the present to do the things you want to do because tomorrow you might not be able to do them.  So I got a crazy idea - I was going to run my first half marathon.

I did my research.  I asked for advice in my online running groups.  I debated.  I trained for 5ks and a 10k throughout all of 2018.  And finally, I signed up for the Princess Half Marathon to be held in Walt Disney World on February 24, 2019.

My training was to officially start on October 23rd, but guess who came down with a chest cold on October 22nd?  Yep.  There's one of those little curve balls I talked about.  So I decided to postpone the start of my training until November 6th.  I'm two weeks behind, but I readjusted the training schedule to something I think works.  I also knew it would be better than pushing it while I wasn't well.  Starting anything while you don't feel good is a big de-motivator, in my opinion.

Speaking of motivation, I knew starting out the gate that I'd need to find some fun ways to spice up these training runs (because when I thought about it, running 10+ miles just really didn't sound like "fun").  I went to the Dollar Tree because that's my go-to place when I'm looking for cheap and fun ways to make a smile happen.  I picked up a crazy amount of Disney Princess stickers, and a set of Disney Princess puzzles (4 mini puzzles in one package).  I also picked up a few dry erase boards, some self-stick letters, and a couple packages of adhesive glitter paper.

Next, I knew I'd need some calendars for me to keep track of things on, so I went to the Disney Family website and found a printable calendar for November.  It looks like they produce a new calendar page each month, so I'll have to keep an eye open.

The first thing I wanted was an inspiration board - a place where I could cheer myself on, write notes, and leave post-its.  I used the largest dry erase board I had as well as some of the self-stick letters to create my "Run, Princess Shada" inspiration board.  ("Shada" is a Star Wars nickname that was given to me years ago by some very good friends of mine, and it's stuck with me for almost 20 years now.)  I still need to attach some string/yarn on the back so I can hang the board in a visible space, but I'm quite happy with it.

The next thing I knew I wanted was a little corner of my cubicle at work to be dedicated to my training.  Let's face it - if you work full time, you spend most of your awake time at work instead of at home.  That's where I knew I'd need to see motivation more than anywhere else.  I took my printed November calendar and hung it in my cubicle along with a Disney Princess dry erase board (that I modified to a bit with stickers to reflect my favorite princess, Rapunzel) to help me count down the days until race time.  I also printed and hung up a map of last year's race, along with a couple sheets of glitter Princess stickers that I could use to mark my completed training days on the printer calendar.

Let's talk a bit about this calendar because this is an unexpected find that I think will really help motivate me in the months to come.  The fun thing about these calendar pages is that they seem to add little fun days along the way.  Nachos Day was November 6th, and the 45th anniversary of Robin Hood was on November 8th for example.  Both of those days were training days, and I honestly didn't think of incorporating the "themes" into my day until I mentioned it to my Nerd Husband last night that I thought it might be cool to watch Robin Hood on its anniversary.  NH said, "We'll celebrate both themes tonight - nachos for dinner and watch Robin Hood." We did just that, and it was amazing.  So I'm going to do my best from here on out to incorporate the fun days into my training days. 

The last motivator that I came up with revolves around that group of Disney Princess puzzles I bought.  I love puzzles, and I don't feel like I do them all that often because they always end up in the way while I'm working on them.  But the few that I've complete and loved actually act as artwork above our fireplace on a rotating basis.  Right now, there's a Thomas Kincade Cinderella's Castle of there, and it's gorgeous.  Anyway, I digress...  The Disney Princess puzzles motivator is going to work a little something like this.

With each training session I complete, I "earn" one piece of the puzzle.  I won't draw my pieces from the pile until the end of each week, so I can draw up to three pieces at a time.  The pieces might be for any of the four puzzles, so that will be the tricky part.  I'll have to collect my earned pieces, sort them out based on which puzzle I think they go with, and the final goal is to assemble them as quickly as possible.  It's a bit of luck mixed with a bit of skill and a lot of making-this-up-as-I-go-along.  I think it'll be a good time.

I'll be posting quite a bit about this on social media when I can because I think it has the potential for a couple of good things:

1) Make people happy.  It sounds ridiculous, but honestly, I think my goal in life is to try and bring a smile or a laugh.  It's the reason I do a lot of what I do or share what I decide to share.  So if me making a silly face and talking about stickers makes your day, then follow along on my journey.

2) Make people believe they can do what they set their minds to doing.  I realize we all have limitations and things that hold us back, but I do truly believe that we have a lot of power in our minds and bodies, even if they're "broken".  I've personally dealt with a history of mental illness for a vast majority of my life.  I know how broken your mind can feel.  While I've not dealt with physical disability and I know I can't imagine the full effect of the situation.  I know I've witnessed those who have dealt with it, and I've seen how broken their hearts can be when they can't achieve what they once could.  That's heartbreaking.  But I believe there are ways that we can work within a system and make things the best that we can make them.  We might not achieve what we could if we weren't "broken", but I believe that having to work within a system designed to hold you back makes your stronger, wiser, and more determined.  And it makes victory so much sweeter.  I want people to know that and remember it.

 While I'll be posting little blurbs on social media, I'll be keeping the bulk of my wordiness out of the limelight and leaving it here in my blog.  I know I get wordy when I write, and that's no for everyone.  But if it is for you, then it's here, and I hope it helps you in some small way, shape or form.

I've got this.  I can do this.  I know I can, and I believe I can.  I'm nervous that I can't.  There might be people who say I can't.  But the small voice inside of me that rises up in dark times whispers to me, "Run."

Struggles, Spoilers, and Songs

There's a lot going on these days.  At least that's what it feels like.  I'm not 100% sure if that's accurate or if that's just feelings, but it's what I'm going with at the moment.  There are people I love who are going through some really rough stuff right now.  I want to be there for them, but I'm struggling with some personal things, as well.  It makes me feel a bit like a selfish attention hog lately - "please, look at me and realize I'm struggling, too - help".  And when that doesn't work quite like the annoying 5 year old in me wants it to, I turn to my projects and bury myself in the work that takes over my mind and makes me happy (to a point).

That's a rather depressing introduction to a post that's meant to say...I finally finished my River Song costume.  (Is a blog that promises to focus on Disney and Star Wars allowed to be depressing and get off-topic by discussing Doctor Who?  You know what - I don't care.  Sure, it can.  Because it's my blog.  So there.  ;p)

There are elements of this costume I'm not 100% happy with, and I think that's all right for now.  All of my cosplay (I still have a hard time with that word because I used "costume" and "costumer" for years because that was when I started out this entire journey) is done simply and on a certain budget.  I like to try to make things from other things instead of spend my time tracking down screen accurate fabric for $40 a yard that requires me to then buy 3 packages of RIT dye to make it the right color.  I have nothing against that sort of thing, and I have a great deal of respect for the folks who go through it.  It takes a heck of a lot of work, and the results are impressive.  I get caught up in this mindset now and then - "how accurate do I need to make this?" or "should I buy this so it's 'right'?"  It's a very easy place to fall into, and it's not a bad thing if that's who you want to be.

However, I've come to believe that my real place in his cosplay world and my calling here is to prove to other people that they can do it.  You don't have to be a genius.  You don't have to break your bank.  You don't even have to have knowledge on how to sew.  And honestly, if you're out to just have fun - you don't need to be accurate.  You just have to be willing to try, to learn, and to work with what you have when you have it.  I want to encourage those people who are starting out - the people who feel like crap because someone told them something was "wrong" with their costume.  I've had younger folks come up to me at a convention, fangirling or fanboying out over something I've made and then degrading their own work as they're wearing it in front of me, feeling horrible that they can't be as good as someone else.  That's when I try to point out to them what I actually have here - a PVC pipe from Home Depot, some silver spray paint, a rubber inner tube from a bicycle tire, a thumbtack, a cell phone clip, some washers, a plastic cable clip, and some glue.  It's not much different from what they have at all.  And it's certainly not impossible to do with just some time, practice, and a new way of looking at things.

Wow, does this blog entry have a point?  Because if it does, I seem to be taking an awfully long time just to say I finally finished my River Song costume.  ;)  The costume is 100% complete and ready to go for the comic expo I'm attending this weekend.  I'm uncertain if she'll go out for one day or two because I anticipate this will be a fun one to walk around in.  I guess we'll just wait and see.

And since I'd like to try and follow-through what what I said above (about helping people realize they can do this sort of thing, too), I'd like to follow-up this post with another post talking all about the costume and how I made it work.  Look for that to come soon.

In the meantime, just remember that you can do it - whatever "it" is.  I know it sounds corny and awful, but I believe that if something lies within our realm of power to change and learn, then we can accomplish it.  I think it's easy to forget that because the world like to buck up against us and tell us we can't move.  Sometimes, it's true - we can't.  Sometimes we're just stuck.  But even in those times, your ability to fight forward and keep moving is a blessing, even when your heart, mind, and body are tired.  Keep going.  Keep moving.  Because it's getting closer. 

Whatever "it" is.

Here Sits a Girl

Here sits a girl who:

• is signed up to run the Disney Princess Half Marathon next February 24, 2019
• has a room reservation all set on Disney property
• made her Disney dining reservations 180 days in advance
• and snagged some sweet reservations
• and reserved a table at Victoria and Albert's because - why not, I can cancel if I decide not to splurge that much (never done this before, so it felt right to at least try)
• needs to buy plane tickets for February
• is trying to complete a River Song (Doctor Who, not even remotely part of the two major focuses of this blog, but cut me some slack) costume for a convention that happens in two weeks
• needs to take her cat to the vet for a check-up on Saturday and is freaking out about it stressing out said cat
• will be getting up early tomorrow (fingers crossed) to do training run
• is moving in ten thousand different directions mentally and can't really take the time to figure out which direction she should buckle down and follow
• just wanted to write a blog post to say that she did because this space shouldn't die.

A Girl Against the Universe - a Running Story

So a few years ago I picked up something I never thought I would - running.

I was always the little chubby kid in gym class.  The one that got picked last for teams.  The one that couldn't finish running "the mile" test.  The one that liked literature, music, and art way more than physical activity.  Then, a few years back, I was trying to think of something I had never done before.  I wanted a new goal - something brand new and shiny to work on achieving.  Something I never thought I'd ever be able to accomplish.  So I set out with a Couch to 5k app and a goal to run my first 5K.

I did it.  And from there I ran a couple more 5Ks.  Then the Nerd Husband and I trained for the Inaugural Star Wars Dark Side 10K at Walt Disney World.  It was freaking amazing.

Then our world blew up.  The Nerd Husband's grandfather grew sicker until he was finally diagnosed with pancreatic cancer.  He passed away quickly after a hellish fight.  Then my biological mother had a stroke while we were in Florida, and there I was - worrying for my family until I could get back home.  Then - most recently - we had an ice storm, and the Nerd Husband fell in our driveway and broke his left hip.  We lived with my parents for a month until he could come home and do the stairs (slowly and only once a day in the beginning).

Needless to say, we haven't been home much.  Our house has suffered for it.  We have suffered for it - physically and mentally.  It's been trying.  Running fell to the wayside.  Making it through to the next day was really the only goal.

During this last trial - the Nerd Husband's accident - I came up with my next plan.  In between sitting in the hospital with my husband and doing the drives back and forth from our house to gather things, take a shower or feed our kitty, it dawned on me that I wanted to show the universe it wouldn't break me.  It wouldn't throw all of this at me and see me back down without a fight.  I remember saying out loud, "No.  I refuse to feel like this, and I won't let you tear me down."  Plus, I was doing all of this to help someone else.  And I'd been helping other people for so long.  I needed to do something purely for me.

I vowed to figure out something I had never done before and make me feel badass, strong, and rebellious against the universe.  I thought about a tattoo or dyeing my hair another color.  But then my brain rested upon one thought...

I'll run a half marathon.

Not sure that was a normal train of thought.  But then again, I've never claimed to be normal.

I've always been interested in the runDisney half marathons.  I remember being there right after Princess weekend and seeing all of the people on the buses and in the parks with their medals.  It was really inspiring because there were people of all shapes, sizes, and walks of life.  It looked like a goal that anyone could obtain with training and tenacity.  I honestly wasn't sure if I'd ever be one of those people, but I wanted to be one of those people.  Plus, how wonderful would it be to run through the place that holds so many wonderful family memories for me.  Family and friends and people I don't have with me anymore.  They're all still there, in that place, in those moments.

The details are fuzzy on how it all came about, and it was a while before I put my mind to a permanent decision on when this would all go down.  I recall asking my virtual running group for advice, signing up for a local 10K (for experience and a time to submit), writing out a training schedule, and then eventually marking my vacation time in my work calendar for "February 2019".

Princess Half Marathon 2019 had been decided.

Now I have a little Disney Princess dry erase board from the Dollar Tree sitting in my cubicle at work, counting down the days to registration.  I have nerves floating around in my gut because the registration process got changed this year, and they pushed the dates further away than originally planned.  I have a countdown on my phone, and I'm debating where the best place to stay is and how to make this all work.

Best of all, I have a goal, and I'm nervous as hell about it - but it's mine.  And that is so stinking exciting that I can't even begin to explain to you how exciting it is.  This is mine, and no one can take it from me.  I know that bad things can happen, and chances are they totally will.  Who even knows what will/could happen when I'm away next February?  But bad stuff is going to happen no matter where you are, who you're with, or what you try to do to prevent it.  You can't prevent life.  Life finds a way.  The best you can do is live your life for you.  Do the things you can do while you can do them.  Share your strength and love with others.  And remember to be kind to you.  Always.  In all things.

Now, if you'll excuse me, this princess has a half marathon training schedule to contemplate.

Illness, Schedules, and Good Enough Lists

Man, have I been down.

Last Wednesday I was running around, checking things off my list, got home, got ready to make dinner, went to go talk to the Nerd Husband, and then stood there in the living room and said, "I feel shivery.  Are you cold?"

Thus it began - the saga of the flu.

I foolishly thought perhaps I could slug through the beginnings of my feverish state by working on the costume and fighting it with some cold meds.  I finished off the Jyn Erso gloves which was a huge accomplishment, but after I dragged myself upstairs (almost literally), I realized just how little energy I had.  And my joints had started to ache.  I took my temperature (99 at that point), took another dose of medicine and went to bed.  I woke up in the middle of the night yelling at NH because I thought he was cutting me with his toes (yay, fever-brain).  I took my temp again at that point, and it hit 101.  The Tylenol in the cold meds wasn't cutting it, so I downed some ibuprofen and water, covered up my feverish self, and tried to sleep.

I stayed home from work on Thursday.  I kept the fever.  I also kept the fever for part of Friday, so I stayed home again.  There was no costuming.  There was no moving.  There was only the couch, my pillow, my blanket, my cat, my many fluids, what food I could eat, and Netflix.  Lots of Netflix.  Saturday and Sunday were more of the same, sadly enough, though this time quite feverless which was a welcomed relief.  Sunday night, I finally allowed myself just a little bit of work time on the costume as a way to relax.  It felt so good to feel kind of human again.

Monday was a rough work day for me - all the way around.  It felt like if it could go wrong, it did, and not just with work stuff.  It just felt like it was a day of bombardment, and I was so tired by the end of it.  But I started to perk up a bit more in the evening, and I allowed myself a bit more work time on the costume.  Getting things put together on that vest just made me feel happy.  I still didn't sleep well thanks to the cough I have, but such is the way of things.

This week will be a trial to get through, but I think it's possible to get through it.  There's a lot to do - personally, work-wise, and vacation-prep-wise, but I'm moving along as best I can.  There are some things that are just going to have to be written off, and that's okay.  But my brain still has a hard time writing them off.  It tends to think, "No, you can do this!"  I think the best way to combat that is to make myself a list.  Yay, lists!

The Jyn Erso "Good Enough" Versus "Ideal" Costume List

• Boots
• Good enough: as is
• Ideal: add boot covers and buckles, add weathering
• Pants
• Good enough: Kohl's slim-cut black pants, minor work required
• Need to replace one hook/eye
• Ideal: slim down thrift store pants, add pin tucks, twill tape, buckles, etc., and add weathering
• Belt
• Good enough: reuse Lara Croft belt
• Ideal: create an accurate Jyn belt, and add weathering
• Gun
• Good enough: empty holster
• Ideal: 3D print or foam replica, and add weathering
• Shirt
• Good enough: blue-gray 3/4 sleeve shirt from Kohl's
• Ideal: create accurate shirt from scratch, and add weathering
• Scarf
• Good enough: as is
• Ideal: add weathering
• Green jacket
• Good enough: as is (minus the Rogue One patch I sewed onto the sleeve for fun)
• Ideal: paint yellow stripes down the sides of the sleeves, and add weathering
• Brown vest
• Good enough: some work required
• Sew on remaining felt pieces (2) - Tuesday night
• Sew on storm flap to left side (1) - Tuesday night
• Sew on hook to right side (1) - Tuesday night
• Attach elastic waist - Tuesday or Wednesday night
• Sew/attach buckles to tubing (4) - buckles at top and bottom - Friday night
• Sew/attach tubing to both sides (2) - Friday night
• Ideal:
• Version 1: add weathering
• Version 2: make from scratch 
• Necklace
• Good enough: as is
• Ideal: honestly, even though mine isn't accurate, I like mine
• Pocket tool
• Good enough: flashlight from Meijer
• Ideal: 2 cylinders needed
• Vest ID Badge
• Good enough: no badge
• Ideal: create badge from craft foam and attach to vest

There's one other thing that I have to remember to make, and that's a new pair of bracers for Asajj Ventress.  Honestly, they won't take me long - maybe a half hour?  For some odd reason, I threw my old ones away - I have no idea why.  But I should be able to pull something together very easily with little worry.   I'd like to do those on Friday night, too.

Originally, Wednesday night was supposed to be my Mom's birthday celebration, but Mom and Dad are both down with the crud, as well.  Mom suggested we all get together when we're well, and that makes sense to me.  So now Wednesday might be packing night.  On Thursday, NH and I are going to swing by my sister and brother-in-law's place and drop off my nephew's birthday present.

Somewhere in the middle of everything, I'll rest.  I need that, too, because I'm still not great.  This cough makes my chest wheeze like Vader's breathing apparatus.

And you know, of course our flight leaves on Sunday.  I'm not cutting it close.  Nah.  It's all good.  Well, at least it's all good enough.

A Mixture of Things and Stuff

Just a little lunchtime update - because I need to share the awesome.

The baby shower (which was the second column on my massive to do list that I've been keeping for weeks now) was yesterday, and it went off without a hitch!  It was so awesome to have everyone come together for the planning, set-up, and clean-up of the whole event.  Our whole bunch worked together so well, and it made things so super easy.  I think everyone had a great time.

So now, that column on the to do list will get hidden, and we focus on only two columns - "Personal" and "Celebration" (as in Star Wars Celebration).  It's so satisfying to see the time dwindling down toward vacation, and yet I'm also slightly panicky on occasion.  However - just like the baby shower - I think this will all come together and be a pretty awesome event.

Costume-wise, I didn't do anything over the weekend because I was working on baby shower planning and whatnot.  But I did have some fun little costuming things that popped up last week at various times.  I did do some work Thursday and Friday nights, so we can talk a little bit about that, at least.

Thursday night I decided to take some time to work on yet another Asajj Ventress make-up test.  This one went really well, and I'm thrilled with the new make-up style that I'm testing out.  I managed to find some great matte eyeshadows for shading and defining, too.  I'll have to write-up a more detailed post on this later when I have time, but I think it'll work out really well.

Friday was St. Patrick's Day, so I wanted to follow tradition and wear some green but with a nerdy twist.  I pulled out my Her Universe Death Star Plans dress (because it has green in it), my almost-complete Jyn jacket, a Rogue One patch that I quickly stitched onto the jacket sleeve, and some shamrock socks.  I put it all together for a pretty nifty outfit, if I do say so myself.   Not one person noticed.  I so felt like a Rebel spy.  It was awesome.  Also, a little part of me was sad that no one noticed, but the other part of me felt cool for being such an expert undercover operative.  So points for me on the Imaginary Scoreboard of Life.

I also finished up the Kyber Crystal necklace on Friday night by adding the findings onto the leather cord and adding a dab of glue to keep it all secure.  I'm kind of proud of this little project for a few reasons.  First of all, it allowed me to use some items I already had sitting around the house (leather cording, wire, jewelry findings and jump rings).  The only things I purchased for this particular part of the costume was some E6000 glue (which I have never used before in my life and really need more practice with) and a little quartz crystal from a fun little local shop called Accent on Nature.  Secondly, I got to visit this awesome little store I otherwise might not have run into, and I actually ended up spending way more time looking around than I intended.  I found the employee working that evening was so engaging and willing to help out.  He wanted to see the image from the movie, and then he walked around to help me find ways to replicate the project.  It was extremely helpful for a person like me who has little to no experience in jewelry-making.  They also had shop kitties that roamed around and helped you out with your shopping experience.  It was pretty excellent.

Friday was also a test of some fabric paint for the Jyn jacket.  I tried a mixture of yellow acrylic and white Tulip "puffy paint" again to get that screen printed puff quality, but I'm either not mixing it at the correct ratio or the puffy paint properties just get lost when you mix in the acrylic.  I can't really mix too much more white in, though, because then my yellow starts to turn to a pastel, and Jyn is not an Easter egg.  I've been playing with mixing up some colors along with the yellow acrylic I have, too - just to see if another shade needs to be used.  But I can't find anything I like.  The black made it green.  The tan did almost the same thing as the white and turned it pastel yellow again.  And honestly, I kind of like how the yellow looks on its own.  So I might just go with that.  We'll see.

Finally - today - I decided to throw a bit more costume stuff together.  I grabbed the Kyber crystal necklace and the almost-complete Jyn jacket on my way out the door for work.  The Kyber crystal held up fantastically.  No issues.  However, the second run of the Jyn jacket actually caused some popped stitches in the back area.  I had created a little shoulder vent by using a blind hem stitch because I thought it looked better than an actual seam would down the back shoulders of the jacket.  However, two of the stitches popped when I tried to throw it over my shoulder this morning and pull it into place.  It tugged at the fibers of the fabric weave, too, and it kind of messed them up.  Not a big deal, really, but definitely one I'm going to have to revisit (do I care to add a seam or simply leave "as is").

Despite all of this, I think my next stop on this little project is working on the gloves.  I need to shorten those, add the wrist strap, and then those should be done and ready to go.  Once those are done, I'll figure out the next step and then the next, until - finally - we'll have something that's "close enough" and hopefully still looks pretty darned fun.

An Update on Why There's No Update

I've been wanting to write out a post just so I can try to keep up with things a bit more regularly, but I find that every time I put some words on the screen, I just end up deleting them.  I think it's because it's mostly just my daily ramblings about costume projects.  Issues I'm having with sewing or creating things.  Or just posts that say, "omg I completed 2 things and have 50 more left to go!"  So I delete those types of posts, and this blog just sits silently.

Well, no more, my friends!  Today you will get an update on why there hasn't been an update.  Actually, I already updated you on that (see opening paragraph).  So now...on to an update of rambling and half-finished proportions!

My life has been reduced down into four columns on a spreadsheet, and that spreadsheet is my current tie to sanity.  I have a white column with the date, a purple column for personal things, a pink column for baby shower planning, and a blue column for Star Wars Celebration preparation.  I update my list every day, multiple times a day.  I italicize any items to make them as "done".  A row gets hidden when the day is over.  Leftover tasks that don't get italicized get moved to another day.  It's simplistic but oh-so-effective for me in this hectic time.

I wanted to give a run-down of the Celebration preparation activities that have actually happened.  I think if I see them listed out, it'll make me feel better.  (And we don't have to talk about the things that are left to do because that will not make me feel better...)

What Has Happened (Since Monday, February 13th)

• Finished last hand-stitched hem on finger of Jyn gloves
• Kohl's shopping for blue-gray shirt and pants for Jyn
• Failure on first trip
• Success on the second trip!
• Got Asajj Ventress make-up in mail; did 2nd make-up test
• 1st make-up test was done with old paint that was already on-hand and was completed prior to 2/13
• Painted test stripes with puff paint and puff paint/acrylic mix for Jyn jacket
• Heated up iron and tested puff paint
• Puff paint really puffs; puff paint/acrylic mix did nothing
• New Jyn vest arrived from eBay; too small but will work
• Old Jyn vest was blogged about previously; a tan piece of blah that will probably sit this one out
• Trip to thrift store for Jyn items - no luck
• Trip to JoAnn's to buy fabric for Jyn scarf - no luck
• Trip to WalMart to buy fabric for Jyn scarf - success
• New Asajj make-up arrived
• Asajj princess dress and raven finger puppet arrives (this silly idea deserve it's own post, really; maybe someday)
• Try on princess dress
• Stare at awkwardly fitting dress in the mirror
• Prep dress for return
• Give dress to Nerd Husband to drop off to UPS for return
• Keep raven finger puppet because he's amazingly awesome
• Buy more thread from JoAnn's
• Check out thrift store for friend's planned Cassian costume and send pics to friend
• Check out thrift store for dark brown webbing or belts - no luck
• Find Asajj skirt in dirty clothes and wash skirt
• Restitch shoulder seam on Jyn jacket
• Repin and finish blind stitch on Jyn jacket back
• Finish sleeve detail on Jyn jacket
• Work on Jyn necklace

 What's funny is that after I read this, I realize there are other things in there that I completed that I didn't list out!  How unfair of me is that; I just didn't give myself credit for those things.  For shame on me.  Seriously.

Now I have to stop.  Because writing a blog post was not on my To Do list.

But it is now.

Because marking "done" things in italicized font is my life.

Jyn Costume Update - Shirt & Pants

I take back all of the mean, nasty things I uttered about Kohl's when I left there on Monday night.  On Tuesday, they were redeemed.  I ended up finding the "good enough" Jyn shirt online with free shipping to store.  Plus, they were having a two day sale, which knocked it down about half-price.  I ordered it and went to pick it up Tuesday night before I got home.

The moment I walked into Kohl's, it started pouring down rain, so I figured I might as well waste some time and let it die down.  I started looking through clearance racks for the fun of it, and I ran across a pair of black pants which would be excellent for Jyn.  They aren't perfect by any means, but they had the right shape.  I could use them as a template (if I have time), or I can use them as a costume piece.  I went to try them on, and I loved them.  One of the little hook/eyes was broken, though, but I held onto them anyway.

I went to pick up my shirt, double-checked the size and color, and then went up to the front of the store to check out with my new-found pants.  I was mulling the situation over about the broken hook/eye.  Technically, the item is damaged, so I kind of thought I had a good chance on asking for an additional discount.  After all, it worked at JoAnn Fabrics with the vest fabric I bought.  But they were also on super-clearance, so I really wasn't sure.

I got up to the counter, showed the cashier the issue, and asked, "This might be a dumb question, but could you give me a little extra discount on these?"

She responded with, "Not a dumb question at all.  I can do 15%."

Sold.  And more proof that it never hurts to ask politely.

So I walked out the door with a Jyn shirt and Jyn pants.  My Jyn might be looking a little pristine with all of this new clothing - lol.  Not exactly what I was aiming for, but it'll work in a pinch.  And we are definitely in a pinch.  I'm keeping track of my To Do list in a spreadsheet, day-by-day, trying to make all of this work.  It's satisfying to see the things get crossed off, so I've gotta stick with that mentality.  If things get bumped to different days, I can't let that deter me.  I'll get there as best I can.

Help Me, Obi-Wan Kenobi. I'm a Big Ol' Mope.

Mope.  That was the word of the day yesterday.  Mope mope mope.  Which is kind of a funny word when you think of it.

Last night was another discouraging night in the land of costumes.  It was a bad brain day, and those days tend to be plaguing me more often than not lately.  I let my pessimistic person out to play a bit, and a few people got the brunt of it at work.  I'm thankful for their patience, but it can't be easy when someone responds to your "things will get better" with "no, they won't - they never do."  Yep.  Cringe-worthy pessimistic response of despair right there.  Really, I should have just said "thank you" and taken their words to be encouraging.  Instead, I sank further into my personal mope until the mopery clouded every other single thing I did that night.

I went shopping for some supplies for a baby shower that we're throwing for a friend, and I then questioned everything I purchased when I got home.  I also went shopping for a couple of costume items - a "good enough" shirt and pants for Jyn Erso and a necklace for a Once Upon a Time Disney Bounding project that another friend of mine and I are working on for April (that's another post).  I found a necklace, but it wasn't what I had originally intended to purchase; it just looked cool.  I didn't find pants.  I found a shirt that was perfect - but it wasn't in my size and it wasn't on sale.  I did manage to find a couple of cool t-shirts for my Nerd Husband and my bro-in-law, but I still kind of left feeling let down.  I then hit a thrift store nearby (which I shouldn't have; I never have luck at this particular one), and then decided - since I'm out - I might as well try Marshall's because they're right across the street.

Nothing.  Nothing nothing nothing.  Grr.

I got home and saw that all of my fun eBay purchases had arrived today (3 of them) - a baby shower item, a Jyn vest, and the Disney Bound shirt.  The baby shower item was a vintage book in great condition.  Check.  The Jyn vest was...awful.  The wrong color (tan - my fault, should have read better - but the pictures made it look less tan that it is which is...pretty darned tan).  It fit funky.  It was just ugh.  Which - unfortunately - that disappointment carried over into the Disney Bound shirt (which I really think will be pretty cool despite it not being 100% my style).

So I sat on the couch, clicked through eBay, and moped.  I texted a friend with a mope that consisted of something along the lines of "I give up - meh".  I moped on Facebook about the Kohl's shirt.  I even flat-out admitted to the Nerd Husband I was moping.

NH:  Are you tired?
Me:  No.  But if you're tired, you should go lie down.
NH:  I don't want to leave you down here by yourself.
Me:  I'm okay.
NH:  What are you going to do?
Me:  Mope.

Yep.  It kind of went like that.

In the middle of all of my moping, I had some people who reached out.  I kind of shut out the light they were shedding on the situation last night, but this morning I want to thank them.  All of them.  My sister-in-law for offering to look for the shirt at another Kohl's.  My friend on Facebook who gave me the info about getting free shipping if you order a different size of the same item from a Kohl's kiosk.  My friend who listened and responded to my moping texts with encouragement.  My NH for putting up with my sorry butt.

You all must have done your job well, because - in the middle of my moping - I made a snap-decision to purchase a new brown vest on eBay.  It's on it's way.  I figure if it doesn't work, then at least it's in nice enough condition that I can wear it in "real" life.  I went to bed and laid there for what felt like forever, trying to sleep, until finally I drifted off into weird dreams.

This morning, I woke up with a renewed s sense of Lara Croft-ness - that is to say, "Eff you, world.  I got this.  You tell me I can't do something?  Watch me."  So today was spent with me trying to sort through some crafting items this morning, organize in my brain what I'd like to try to work on, and figure out where I can get some pieces to make this new brown vest look at least a little like Jyn.  I reached out to another friend of mine who I knew recently put in a drip-line irrigation system for his outdoor garden.  He has spare black tubing, and I asked if I could steal a length of it.  Done - and free for me (thank you, friend!).  I've got plans to go through my "bits and bobbles" box and see what I can pull out to make some greeblies.  And a new text from the friend I moped to last night gave me encouragement to make sure this project doesn't feel like "work" to me - let it be my thing that isn't work in the midst of all of this other crap.  Enjoy it.  (Thank you, friend - I'm going to try.)

So to all of you - my Obi-Wan Kenobis in my time of need - I sincerely thank you for the hope you gave to this mope.  May the Force be with you always, my friends.

P.S. - And I ordered the shirt from Kohl's today.  In my size.  And it was on sale with free shipping to the store.  Boom, baby.  I win this round.

Reflections of Celebration

I'm sitting here realizing that in two months, I will be boarding a plane to soar through the clouds to take me to Orlando.  Not just for Disney.  Not just for Universal.  But for Star Wars Celebration 2017.  2017, people.  How crazy is that?  Then again, maybe it's not all that crazy for you.  Maybe your life is going swimmingly and the years have gone by in the same manner, day in and day out.  I'm betting the probability of that is low.  Very low.  So if you're like me in some way, you're going to look at the year 2017 and think, "How did we get here?"  If you're even further like me, you're looking at Star Wars Celebration 2017 and thinking, "How did we get here?"

Let's have a boring history lesson.  Perhaps if you imagine it being related to you by C-3PO, it will make things slightly less boring.  Maybe. 

Celebration has a history that intertwined with the release of the Star Wars Prequel trilogy, and Celebration I was held from April 30-May 2, 1999 at the Wings Over the Rockies Air and Space Museum in Denver, Colorado.  The event was held three weeks before the official release of The Phantom Menace, and it was the first Star Wars convention since 1987. 

When Attack of the Clones was set to release, Celebration II was held in Indianapolis, Indiana from May 3-5, 2002.   I missed out on this one by about a week.  I found out about it maybe a week after the convention had been held, but there was no way I (at the time, a poor, young college freshman) could have made the journey by car and paid my way into the con.  But I vowed that I could make it to the next one - because I had faith their would be a next one.  I gathered up an old coffee can, printed out a little label with Obi-Wan staring at me and "Celebration III Fund" written in Star Wars font.  I put every dollar I earned and every penny I found into that little can. 

When Celebration III rolled around from April 21-24, 2005 in Indianapolis, I was there.  My funds had taken me this far, even though I ended up a bit shy due to some unforeseen issues with hotel rooms.  But thanks to the grace of a friend who allowed me to pay back my bill monthly, I was there.  A college senior.  There with a Jedi costume of my own, in the middle of a severe bout of depression, but so stinking excited because I was freaking there.  I met people I had talked to on the StarWars.com message boards from all over the word (the board are history now, sadly enough, but I still miss them).  I waited for hours just to get into the dumb Celebration store.  I saw props and costumes.  I tried to get into lines that were always "capped" due to capacity.  It was one heck of an experience, though - even when dealing with a tough time in my own personal life.  I wouldn't trade it.

Since my days at Celebration III, I have made every effort, saved my pennies, and attended each Celebration held in the US: IV, V, VI, and Anaheim 2015 (why did we stop numbering them?).  My fellow fans around the world have been able to take part of international Celebrations held in England, Japan, Germany, and back to England again.

So that's how we got here.  That's how a poor college freshman who missed out made sure she didn't miss out later on.  That's how that 19 year old kid grew into a 34 year old adult(?) who still does a lot of child-like things despite having grown-up responsibilities.  And that's how we've made it to 2017 and will push on to Celebration 2017.  We learn.  We grow.  We fall down.  We pick ourselves back up.  We learn some more.  And we grow some more.  It's a process, one that I've been following like everyone else has in life.

And it's a cause for Celebration in my book.

"It's Rogue. Rogue One."

Today is the day that I have long-awaited.  From the moment that I scraped my knuckles on the low ceiling of the Celebration Anaheim auditorium when Gareth Edwards showed us the "first trailer" for the film Rogue One.  It wasn't even a trailer, he said.  It was just some stock footage from the Lucasfilm archives that they spliced together.  But it was perfect.  So epic and so perfect that I cheered and pumped my fists in the air and then - of course - punched the ceiling and scraped myself all up.

But it was worth it.

That TIE fighter flying through the trees.  The overlay of Obi-Wan Kenobi's voice talking about the Death Star.  The music swelling until finally the TIE breaks from tree cover.  Then there it is.  What is that?  Looming on the horizon...  OMG IT'S THE DEATH STAR.  That's pretty much how it went.  And I don't think I've seen that clip since that first day, but I can remember it.

(There are only fan-shot videos of this trailer online.  I can't find any sort of official release for it, which makes me so, so sad.  This is the best video I can find of the trailer: Rogue One Celebration Teaser Trailer.)

And now - so many awful days of 2015 and 2016 later (seriously, these last two years have sucked beyond measure) - I am sitting here waiting for my 8:00 PM EST showing of Rogue One.  I've been through the death of a beloved pet, illness close to home, assisting friends and family with personal trauma and loss, cancer and a loss of a grandparent-in-law due to said cancer, and most recently my mother (56 years old) suffered a stroke and is in the hospital.  None of this mentions my own inner-workings of my mind, which is not always a pretty place.  And this also doesn't mention all of the other crap that's going on in this world that makes you feel like you're carrying it all on your shoulders.  I'm almost too tired to even cry anymore when I feel depressed.  Mostly, my eyelids just twitch (speaking of which, it just happened - just now - twitching buggers).

None of that stuff I listed above really has a place in a "blog of happy" like I want this one to be, but this blog can't ignore the crappy stuff.  I've said that before.  Star Wars deals with the crappy stuff, and I have a feeling Rogue One is about to show me a lot of crappy circumstances that a lot of really normal people are going to have to step up the awesome and overcome.  But see, that's the thing - they overcome it.  The situation might stay crappy, but they don't let it determine what they can and cannot do.  I hope to be like that.  I hope to be a rebel against this world and its efforts to continuously bring me - and the people that I love - down.

I like to say that I go into these movies with "no expectations", but I know that's not true.  I'm expecting a lot of this movie, even though I actually say otherwise when I'm talking to someone verbally.  This movie...feels like it's being made for me.  I realize that's selfish and really unfounded.  Gareth Edwards knows nothing about me.  I sat in a room with him once - well, an auditorium.  I punched a ceiling for him, sure, but he doesn't know that.  But the thing is that this film goes back to what made me a Star Wars fan - overcoming the odds that are stacked against you and doing what you feel is "right" for you and the people around you.  It goes back to the Rebellion and overcoming evil and just trying to make sure that people aren't being oppressed or hurt by others.  It's going back to the twin sunsets - to knowing that your destiny lies out there waiting for you, but you don't know exactly how to reach out and grab it.

That's why I hold this movie in high regard - higher than I held The Force Awakens.  Higher than I hold Episode VIII.  This movie feels different because it is different.  And I believe that to be a very good thing.

How a "Planner" Became a "Pantser"

There's an event that happens around the world in November called NaNoWriMo.  To quote their description on Google, "NaNoWriMo is an annual (November) novel writing project that brings together professional and amateur writers from all over the world."  I've participated in Nano (as I'm going to call it for short) a few times in the past, as well as some of their smaller Camp NaNoWriMo events that they hold in April and July.  I have only completed my goal of 50,000 words once and that was in November 2013 (which Facebook kindly reminded me today with my "WINNER" picture I took).  All of my other attempts at fallen pitifully short of my goal, but that's okay - and I'm okay with it.  The point is that I tried, and I did my best to enjoy my writing while I was writing it.

Now you might be saying, "Hey, Shada," (which is my nickname, if you've forgotten).  "What's this writing business?  This doesn't have to do with Star Wars or Disney.  Isn't that what you said this blog was about?"

And I would say to you, "Now, you hold on to your horses just a gosh dern minute there, whippersnapper."  (My Nano novel that I "won" with as a western of sorts; I'm sorry.)  "You give me some time here, and I'm gonna learn you at thing or two about a'plannin' and a'pantsin'."

That just...sounds weird.  I am so sorry.  Moving on.


The terms "planner" and "pantser" are things that I learned about in the Nano writing community.  There were some people who carefully spent the month of October (or earlier) planning out their novel piece by piece.  Writing up character sheets.  Gathering research and information.  They were the "planner" group.  Then you have the people who sat down on November 1st with a blank slate.  Maybe a rough idea of where they wanted to go.  No solid leads or characters.  These are the people who are writing by the "seat of their pants" - the "pantser" group.

There are parts of me that have always been a planner.  I loved my little schedule/planner in high school that they gave us for free every year.  I'd get my different color pens out and color coordinate everything so I knew what was homework, what was personal, what was extracurricular.  When our Star Wars Celebration group prepares to go to a convention, I like to have group discussions, make hand-outs, discuss plan of attack and what we'd like to see.  I like to know what will be there when I'm going to a certain place.  I don't need to know exactly where I'm going to be at 2:15pm, but I like to know the things that are available to me, what times they're open, and what my "must dos" are.  And I like to have some things very planned - flight times, pick-up times, dinner dates and times, etc.  Things like that need planning.  You can't just show up at the airport and go, "Hello, sir, put me on an airplane.  I want to go to Florida."  That doesn't work.  I haven't tried it, but I'm assuming it doesn't work.

While I have usually considered myself a planner in my lifetime, I also know that I have a bit of a pantser in me, as well.  This goes back to the idea of I don't know where exactly I'm going to be at 2:15pm.  I hate hour-by-hour, minute-by-minute schedules.  I hate to feel like I've tied myself into a work-day schedule when I'm really just trying to have a weekend off or a vacation day.  That drives me batty and makes me more stressed because what happens if I don't obey my schedule?  What happens if I fail?  See?  Not fun for me.  When it comes to Nano, I'm also a "pantser".  Characters and writing need to flow.  If I force myself into the research element of it without really having purpose or care behind it, then I'll just feel stressed and bored and I won't want to write anymore.  Not really a productive attitude when you have 50,000 words to write.  

These two paragraphs only describe me and my style of writing and vacations and life.  Not everyone is the same, and that's okay!  It makes life uber-interesting when we're not all carbon-copy cookie-cutouts of each other.  We are not the Emperor's Clone Army!  (Which, really, is a bad example because even the clones prove that they aren't carbon-copies of each other despite having the same genetic structure...but I digress.)

What I'm really trying to say here is that my planner lifestyle has had to make a huge shift into the pantser lifestyle just because life (and myself) made it that way.  I learned that I can't be rigid in my plans and still expect myself to roll with the punches.  If there's an issue with one way of doing things, I can't keep doing things that way and not change to something else so I can get a different outcome.  I encountered a lot of crap over the years that bucked up against my planning abilities and threw me totally out of whack, so I finally learned to just say, "Fine.  You win.  We're wingin' this one."  And I learned that that's okay.  You can be a planner and a pantser, and there's nothing wrong with either of them.  

For me, a bit of both suits me just fine, and that's the attitude I'm trying to take toward my planning of our next Walt Disney World trip in December.  We've been dealing with so much this year - from personal illness, to family illness, to sudden losses and death, to depression and anxiety, to just living the day-to-day.  I didn't plan any of that, and if I'd clung so desperately to a personal plan during all of this craziness, I think I'd be a lot more insane than I currently am.  I had to let it go - all of it.  I could do what I could do only in that moment I could do it, and that was okay.  

I'm keeping that in mind as I'm looking at all of this Christmassy stuff at Disney and reading blogs and gathering information.  Some of it makes me really nervous because it's the typical things we hear when we read about Disney.  All of the websites tell me to plan - I need a plan.  I need to know which park I'm going to go to on which days.  I need to make advances dining reservations.  I don't have any FastPasses.  I don't have a Dining Plan, but it says I should have a Dining Plan.  I can't eat that much.  Omg.  What if we don't make it to blah?  What if we can't walk it?  What if we're sick?  What if it rains? 

I hate all of that.  All of it.  I understand that having a Disney vacation means you have to plan, yes.  But I personally believe in not making myself physically ill while planning the gosh dern thing (there's that old Nano novel coming back around again).  So when I've been doing my reading and researching, what I've been attempting to do is just make a list.  Make a list in my head of things I'd like to see, where they are, when they're available.  I have quite the list thanks to lots of different websites, including Disney Tourist Blog.  I found their articles to be quite helpful, including the self-tour of all of the decorations at the Disney resorts.  This was a big thing on the Nerd Husband's and my list, so it was helpful to find a bit of a guide to get us where we wanted to be.

Also, to allow us a bit more freedom in our time schedule and exploration, we decided to rent ourselves a car for this trip.  We have a lot of things we'd like to go outside of the Disney parks, and it can sometimes be rather trying to resort hop using Disney transportation.  So we chalked up the extra bit of money (which isn't bad, really), and we're going to test this out to see how we like having our own vehicle while on property.  I'm kind of excited to get to drive down there again; it's been a while.

Sitting back and reading all of this again, it sounds a little rambly - but the point I'm trying to make is that maybe you can take a step back from the uber-planning.  Even if you just take one day and leave it completely open, maybe that would help.  Just a day to say, "Hey, where do you want to go?  Let's go play."  Because really, that's what it's about, right?  Playing and creating memories with your family and friends and loved ones.  At least that's what it's always been about for me, and I need to remember that.  That should always come first when I sit down and come up with a plan by the seat of my pants.

I Promised Myself a Blog of Happy

I did.  Honestly.  I promised myself that this would be a blog for happy things.  Things that make me smile.  Like Star Wars and Disney and family and friends and kittens and rainbows and all of that good stuff.  Then I realized how long it had been since I'd written because - frankly - I haven't really had the energy to ramp up the happy feelings due to everything we've been dealing with on a personal level.  To put it plain and simple, our family has suffered a couple of losses . 

June 11: The first was an uncle of mine who was riding his motorcycle when he got hit head-on by a car.  That was sudden, quick, out-of-the-blue.  I had fond memories of him as a kid, and he was my mother's younger brother.  I spent time helping Mom, and my friends helped me cry and work it out. 

June 17: We attended the funeral, spent time with family, and tried to work through the craziness of the whole situation.

June 23: The Nerd Husband's grandfather - my adopted Papaw, basically - is sent him from a smaller county hospital to the larger city hospital two hours away - where the NH and I live.  This whole story starts much earlier - around the beginning of May.  He had been in and out of the hospital multiple times with a few issues.  At first they said it was gallbladder problems, so they took that out.  But issues still persisted, and he ended up back in the hospital with what they called pancreatitis.  They treated him, sent him home, and he ended up back again - another round of pancreatitis, they said.  Treated him, sent him home, and back again to the hospital he went.  Finally, on this trip to the hospital, some "spots" showed up on a scan, and the doctors suggested he go to another hospital to get the pancreas biopsy completed.  They packed the whole family up in the cars (6 people), came up here to where the NH and I live, and went to the hospital for the biopsy.

That's where we found out it was pancreatic cancer which had also spread to the liver.

June 24: NH goes to the oral surgeon (one of my biggest fears ever) and has his wisdom teeth and other problem teeth removed (6 teeth total).  I try not to freak out while helping him that day.

June 25: NH looks like the poster child for oral surgery with no swelling, no bruising, and able to eat with limited issues.  I praise God because this really helps me deal with everything.  We get a phone call from his family; Papaw is back in the hospital.  I ask NH if he feels up to going down, and he does.  So we go.  We stay the night then go home.

June 27 - June 29: We work our butts off at work, call his family every day, get updates on the situation and what's going on, etc.  We plan on leaving early from work on Friday, July 1st and driving down.

June 30 AM: NH speaks with his Mom on the phone; things appear to be about the same. 

June 30 PM: NH speaks with his Mom on the phone; things have taken a turn for the worse.  We drive down to visit his family because we just know that we should.

July 1 AM: We spend all day in the hospital.  They decide to call in hospice.  We help with paperwork and discussions and keeping family calm and uplifted and fed.

July 1 PM: Papaw passed away after the briefest battle of cancer I've ever had the history of witnessing.

From the research I've done, this is the way of pancreatic cancer; it masks itself as so many other things.  Gallbladder, pancreatitis, etc.  It doesn't even show up on scans until it's too late.  A man who had been otherwise healthy and capable and hard-working and tenacious and spunky for 89 years was suddenly gone.  A man with a love of life and family and God and Jesus and a faith so strong if could move mountains and build bridges...gone.  A man who never failed to ask me, "So what are you working on now?" and would sit with me as I pulled out my phone to show him my latest craft or my sewing project or whatever other weird thing was going on.  A man who taught me new things.  A man who taught his family to love like he did.  A man whose grandson I stole for my husband.  This man is gone from this world now.  But his legacy lives on forever in all of these things.  You can never erase your impact on the world.  Never.
   
So this is my post that blows the happy stuff out of the water: Star Wars and Disney and family and friends and kittens and rainbows and all of that good stuff blown to bits by one post.  However, if I really stop and think about it, all of these things aren't truly 100% happy.  Star Wars makes me cry (like a baby, actually, if we're talking The Force Awakens.  Damn you, Kylo Ren.  Yes.  Damn.  I'll even curse on the happy blog because that's how sad you make me).  Disney makes me cry (thank you, Up.  I was having a bad day and figured I'd take myself to a movie to make myself feel better about life...oh...oops.  Cue Shada sinking into the theater seat so no one sees her sobs of ugly shame).  There are sad moments that revolve around family and friends, too - losses and struggles that we all face.  Kittens...okay, I don't cry in sadness for kittens.  Unless they're being hurt or abused.  Rainbows make me cry happy sometimes or cry sad if they make me think about people from the past.

So what I'm trying to say as I ramble on is this:  Yes.  It's my blog.  Yes.  It's a happy blog (mostly).  Will we talk about sad things too?  Well, of course.  Star Wars is full of sad things.  Disney is full of sad things.  Life is full of sad things.  You can't take the sad out of life because, if we did, where would we find the joy?  The belly laughs?  The bursts of sheer childlike wonder that fuel us to do crazy things?  We have to have all of these things wrapped up in one - joy and sadness (thank you, Inside Out). 

That's why the things I love work.  That's why Star Wars works - because it's joy and sadness - it's life - mixed in one.  That's why Disney works.  That's why I love my family, my friends, my kitten (who is a cat now, and I love her even more), and my rainbows as well as the rainstorms that bring them.   

They're all good things - even when they come with an order of bad on the side.

Operation Orchid (or How Shada Intends To Become A Princess)

I have a lot of crazy ideas that never come to fruition - this is true.  I have more fabric in my stash to make random costumes of craziness that come to me on a whim.  I currently have enough fabric to make Leia's ceremonial gown probably twice, as well as a fabric for a costume for Morrigan from video game "Dragon Age".  I even have parts of these costumes that are completed!  Shoes for Leia, a skirt for Morrigan that's been drafted and cut and sewn together and looks awesome.

But they sit.  Leia has sat for years - I can't even begin to tell you how long.  It's embarrassing, really, when I think about it because it makes me sound like I'm unable to complete any projects.  I know this isn't true; I finished a Leia Endor gown in about a month or two before Star Wars Celebration the last time.  So I'm capable of working and completing an outfit.  I guess I just get sidetracked by real life.

Which leads me to where I am now - with grand ideas and pretty fabric but sidetracked by life.

We've been dealing with a lot going on, honestly.  It all hovers around the not-so-great things in life like hospitals and sickness and death and medical tests and recovery.  I shudder when I think about it.  So since this blog was created as a positive outlet for me, I'm going to try and set that aside right now and focus on the really cool ideas and things that have happened lately.

The best is Operation Orchid.

I didn't even know this project was going to have a cool behind-the-scenes spy-mission type name, but now it just makes it even better.  I have a good friend of mine to thank for that, and us both being Once Upon a Time fans just made it that much cooler (if you can say this is cool).  So some backstory before I get ahead of myself here...

Utilizing the Annual Passes of Awesome, the Nerd Husband and I have a trip to Walt Disney World planned for October.  We'll be attending Mickey's Not So Scary Halloween Party (MNSSHP) while we're there, and it's the one chance that adults have to actually go to the Magic Kingdom in a costume.  I love any excuse to pull out a costume, so this just made me horribly happy.  The Nerd Husband and I had some conversations about possible costumes, but I recognize that cosplay is not the NH's "thing".  He's good enough to go along with my crazy hobby and let's me suck him into it now and then, sure.  But he really lets me lead on these adventures.

I spouted off a few ideas, but nothing huge:

• Rey in her Resistance Outfit and Poe Dameron (or maybe just his jacket because that's cool-looking)
• River Song and the 11th Doctor (really, we already have these costumes, but I would have wanted to make a new River dress - the green one - the impossible one)
• Rey and BB-8! (he made a face at this one - an "are you crazy?" kind of face, so I dropped it)
• Random Jedi (both of us)
• Leia dress and Random Jedi
• Marian Ravenwood and Indiana Jones
• Regina the Evil Queen and Robin Hood

I probably had a flurry of other ideas, and I couldn't settle on a darned thing.  Once Star Wars Celebration was announced for April 2017 (I guess that's something else I have to talk about), that kind of pushed my Rey costume plans forward for that con.  I could completed River Song, I think, but that wasn't really Disney.  I wanted something else.

The Once Upon a Time idea was good, but I wanted to try and stick to the easier side of the Disney costume rules which "discourages" floor length gowns.  I could put Regina and Robin in normal clothing, sure, but what's the fun in that?  So that went out the window.  Heck, if I was trying to stick to that rule, it kind of knocked quite a few things of my list, even when I started going through the lists of the princesses.

Until I ran into Rapunzel.  Whose skirt does not reach the floor.  And I went OMGFANGIRLSQUEE.

For the most part, I am not a Disney princess fangirl.  Not that there's anything wrong with the Disney princesses, but I didn't connect with any of them, really.  However, Tangled quickly became a favorite of mine, and on some weird note, I connected with Rapunzel as a character.  Here was a girl who was naive and knew it, but she wanted to change it as best she could.  She was scared to do so, but she did it anyway.  She waffled back and forth about whether or not she was right or wrong, and she fought for the things she believed in.  She took the good with the bad and hurt and cried and suffered, and then finds where she belongs.  I guess I liked that.

So my brain went, "Hey, why not Rapunzel?"

I responded, "But I don't want to wear a ginormous blonde wig in Florida in October."

My brain said, "Hey, she gets her hair cut at the end of the movie.  It's cute and it's brown and it's short."

I thought about it, and I gave into my brain.  That was how the Rapunzel dress came to be the next project of choice.

With any costume, you spend more time in research and search-for-resources mode than you do in the actual construction - I swear to you.  I've looked at more blogs, random Deviant Art pages, screen cap sites, and message boards than I can found.  I searched the dark corners of the internet for fabric stores.  I downloaded pictures on my tablet, my phone, employed my mother-in-law accidentally to help me out, and this project just sort of blew up and took over.  Granted, I let it - because it's exciting to work on something pretty for a change.

However, my research turned up kind of a bust when it came to the fabric arena.  I ended up purchasing a quilting cotton that I liked color-wise for the bodice, but it's cotton - I'm not sure how that will look, honestly.  So it's not even really officially a start.  The colors on this costume are just insanely impossible to match because you don't know if they're pinks or purples.  They're neither and they're both, and it's as frustrating as herding banthas (I imagine).

After searching JoAnn Fabric's, two local thrift stores, and a hole-in-the-wall sewing shop I found, I was still empty-handed on fabric.  I'd done numerous online searches to see if other bloggers or cosplayers had mentioned where they'd purchased their fabric or what color or anything.  Nothing.  Sigh.  Until one day...I did a search on a whim.  I was tired and was giving up.  And there it was: Writer, Cosplayer, and Digital Artist - Julie Hall.

I have no idea who Julie is, but I want to make sure this lady gets credit because boy, did she ever help me!  Thank you, Julie - from the bottom of my geeky heart.  She pointed me in the direction of Hobby Lobby which had the exact color of poly satin I had been looking for - Radiant Orchid.  My nearest Hobby Lobby is a bit of a way from me, and with everything going on I knew I wouldn't have a chance to get there for weeks.  I could purchase it online, sure, but I really hate not being able to see the fabric sometimes.

So I employed my friend M.  We'll call him M because it's safe, and it makes him sound sort of mysterious - like he should be in a James Bond movie or something.  M lives on the side of town maybe 2 minutes from the Hobby Lobby, so I thought about it a bit and then I sent him a message.

Me: Question for you.  Do you have plans to visit your Hobby Lobby anytime soon?  *insert long search explanation here*
M (without hesitation): I can totally go tomorrow morning.  What color are you looking for?

My friends are awesome.  They just are.

The next day, I get a text message at 9:02 in the morning from M: "I'm on my way to the Lobby.  Operation Orchid is now in effect!!"  M later sent me pictures - with flash, without flash, described the fabric as best he could, and even searched in the clearance bins for matching thread (though there was none).  He even brought a coupon to cut down on the already pretty cheap price of $4.99 a yard.

I bought 4 yards - grand total of $12.88.  That's some good shoppin', in my opinion, and Operation Orchid was a success.  I haven't figured out if just that part of it should be called Operation Orchid or if this whole project should be - I think I'm going to make that the title of the whole costume, though.  I just absolutely love it, and it feel so Once Upon A Timey.

I won't get to dig into that fabric for a while, and I won't be able to go out and search for any coordinating fabric for a while, either.  Again, real life (and not the good kind) is creeping in on me, and I just have to face it for a while.  But hopefully this good stuff will be waiting on me when I get back.

I just realized I used the name Shada in the title.  Do you remember who Shada is?  It's Me!  I haven't explained where that nickname came from, but that's another post for another time.  Until then...you just get a little reminder of a little something I posted ages ago.  And now back to your regularly scheduled program...

Bags Are Packed!

We completed our last scheduled run at the Community Center last night in preparation for the Star Wars Dark Side 10K at Walt Disney World this Saturday.  I figured it was fitting to choose locker #77 for my last run (Star Wars 1977...made sense to me).  We did an easy 2 miles of run/walk, no timer, but we kept up our regular 30/60 interval.  Aside from just feeling horribly tired in general, we both felt pretty good after this run.  Last night and the long run this past weekend have made both the Nerd Husband and me feel pretty good about this coming weekend. 

I think we can do this.

It's been fun perusing the Disboards, watching everyone get excited for the upcoming races.  People are posting pictures of their costumes - which always makes me happy to see what people come up with.  There are folks making dinner plans, discussing options on what to do regarding injuries, and people just generally fanboy and girl squeeing all over the place.  It reminds me of my old message board days on StarWars.com, and that makes me rather happy.  I need that right now, I think - just a bit of old fashioned happiness.

Our bag is packed and ready to go, aside from those "get ready" items that you kind of need to - you know - get ready.  Toothbrush, stuff like that.  That will get tossed in the suitcase early on Friday morning, and we'll head on out to the airport to start this year of Disney craziness off right.  I have a few things I still need to take care of - just have to work on getting my carry-on put together, and then I think I'm golden.  That will be my job this evening.

I had so many projects I wanted to complete for this trip.  My brain went into overdrive on creativity, but I had to nix those due to time and stress.  I didn't want to stress.  It wasn't worth it.  So I set those things off to the side for "later".  I'd like to come back to them, eventually.

For now, that's what I've got to share.  It's not much, but we're getting closer...

Training and Costuming - A Dark Side Update

There's quite a few things to be updated on in terms of the upcoming runDisney Star Wars Dark Side 10K race.  I keep watching my little race ticker count down the days, and it's so hard to believe that the Nerd Husband and I will be on a plane to Florida in just nine days.  9 days.  9.  When you write is as a numeral it just seems scary because it's just one digit.  Not two.  1 not 2.  Yep - see?  Scarier.

I am not proud to report where the NH and I are on our training, but I am proud to report where we are on our training based on the craptucular winter we've had here in the lovely midwest of blah.  We have battled stomach illness, colds, fevers, bronchitis, muscle aches, ankle pain, foot pain plus vacation time and weekend-long visits with family.  But through all of this, we are sitting here looking at 51% of our total training sessions completed since December 16th.  That's...not a great number, but given everything we've dealt with and the extreme length of this training (which is crazy, now that I think about it), I'm happy with it.

I realize that if I were running this thing alone, I would have gone about this differently.  I think both NH and I are in the same boat when it comes to that.  We both realized not too long ago that we walk/run differently when the other person isn't with us.  For some reason, we both compensate for the other being there by slowly down (even when it's not necessary).  I think if we were both doing this as single runners, with no intent of staying together, we would be in a vastly different place than we are now.

However, our intent was to do this thing together.  So that's what we're doing, and we've both had to adjust for the other's illnesses and battles these past few months.  It's been a lesson in patience for me, and I'm sure he's had to adjust to some things as well.  It's so different to train with someone, and it doesn't always make it easy.  But this is something we both love, and I can't imagine not sharing it with my best friend.  That just doesn't make any sense to me, so onward and upward we go!

I've fixed up our training schedule for these last few days, and it goes a little something like this:

• Thu 4/7: 2.5 mile walk/run
• Sat 4/9: 5 mile walk/run (or as far as we can get)
• Mon 4/11: 30 min walk/run
• Wed 4/13: either a 30 min walk/run or a 30 min cross-training
• Fri 4/15: (in Florida) light walking at theme parks
• Sat 4/16: Race Day

So...this is the moment of truth time.  Right now I know we're capable of staying under the 16 minute/mile pace requirement, and that might be all we really need right now.  I know us.  We might not be runners, but we are finishers.  We're pretty fit for the most part, and we're definitely capable of walking this distance with no problems.  So I think that plus all of the course entertainment and the characters and the costumes and everything will carry us through to finish this with no problem.  That's what I'm holding on to - hope.  Because hope is a good thing and no good thing ever dies (thank you, Andy Dufresne).

In other fun Star Wars runDisney related news, I finished the daggone costume, yo!  Seriously, the Asajj Ventress Clone Wars inspired running costume is complete, and I - for the most part - am happy with it.  I ran into some issues, though, and I learned some things that I want to try and keep in mind for costumes in the future...

I'll share some pictures here, but I'll put all my process and notes under a cut.  So y'all don't get too bored if you don't want to be...  ;)

(clickable thumbnails)

Flowers and Gardens and Vader - Oh My!

In exactly one month, the runDisney Star Wars Dark Side race weekend kicks off with the 5K race on Friday morning.  That very same morning, the Nerd Husband and I will be on what I like to call the "butt crack of dawn" flight to Florida.  We will arrive at 7:35 AM.

Yes.  You read that right.  And yes.  We are crazy.

This trip is kind of an exciting one for both of us because it's incorporating so many awesome and wonderful things.

First, the inaugural runDisney Star Wars Dark Side races.  As I've mentioned before, we'll be participating in the 10K race on Saturday morning.  This is the first time either one of us has raced this distance, and I consider this a personal fitness goal.  This is also the first time either one of us has raced at Disney.  I've thought about it in the past.  Then I talked about it in the past.  Then it happened now.  So while this might be Walt Disney World's inaugural Dark Side race, this is our inaugural Disney Dark Side 10K race on all levels.  That's pretty special in my book of awesome.

Second, this trip falls right at the time of the NH's birthday.  The day after the race, we'll get to celebrate his birthday on his actual birthday at Disney.  That might sound kind of simple, but it feels kind of awesome.  I asked the NH if there was anything he wanted to do for his birthday or anywhere special he'd like to eat.  He chose Be Our Guest restaurant for dinner at Magic Kingdom, so that's our one major plan for the day.  We have a couple of FastPasses for that day, as well, and we'll just come and go as we please.  I might also have a surprise or two up my sleeve, but those are still in the works.  More to come on that later.  Much later.

Third, this trip marks the beginning of our "Year of Disney to Celebrate Five Years of Marriage".  That was my title I just now came up with it.  It's not great.  Actually, it's pretty bad.  I have a headache, and you'll have to forgive me.  The good title vibes are not yet flowing through my brain.  But this year marks our fifth wedding anniversary, and we decided that we were going to visit Florida at different times throughout the year, buy annual passes to the parks, and just spend our vacation time down there.  He's pretty excited about it (every time I turn around, he's looking up another dining menu), and I have to admit that I am, too.  I think it will be a great year.

Fourth, this trip falls during an event we have never been to - the Epcot Flower and Garden Festival.  We are garden people.  We have two garden boxes in our backyard which ususally contain tomatoes, green pepper, red peppers, jalapenos, any other kind of cool pepper we like, green beans, green onions, lettuce, herbs, and - on occasion - corn.  (I'm still learning on the corn.  It's been an experiment the last two years, and I've had...yeah, basically no success.  But we got half an ear last year!  So that's...something.)  We also love flowers, though we honestly don't take the time to do them around our own home.  We have a rose bush, a big old rose "tree" in the back yard, and I have some perennial phlox that I planted a while back.  When I do plant annuals, they tend to revisit a year or so later - like the rogue snapdragons that decided to nicely invade the walkway up to our front door.  Never planted them there.  Never even planted them in the ground.  Planted them near there - in a freaking pot.  Weird plants.  Anyway, Flower and Garden Festival - we're excied.

Fifth...well - the Epcot Flower and Garden Festival.  But this time, we're coming for the food, baby!  I saw this article on the Edible Gardens which will feature some of the fruits and veggies being used at the outdoor kitchens around EPCOT.  It made me super excited - like a little kid excited.  I obviously know what some of things look like, but I can honestly say I've never seen how pineapples, coconuts and mangos grow.  I think it will be really cool - food for our bellies and our brains.

Now we just have to wait.  And wait some more.  That's always the hard part.

Loosen That Belt Buckle - It's Pi Day!

Some progress and some setbacks.  I think that's the way life just tends to work, honestly.  I'm trying not to let it get to me too much.

No cross-training happened on Sunday due to the Nerd Husband coming down with some sort of bug.  Not sure what the bug was or is, but it definitely put him out of commission for the day.  I was a little bummed that we couldn't go (and really bummed he wasn't feeling well), but I have to admit that I was also pretty darned tired.  I did get out and get to the grocery store, and I stood on my feet for a while making pie dough for Pi Day today.  Does that count as exercise?  I'm going to say "yes" because then I will feel less guilty.

My bronchitis is still there - making itself known every now and then in little coughing spits.  My lungs don't hurt quite like they did, but there's still some gunk that's clingy around in there.  That's the annoying part.  We're scheduled to go to the community center on Tuesday, so maybe that will actually be able to happen.  Not sure about the running, but maybe some more cross-training just to get back up to speed.

I did have success in the running costume, though!  I have been having some fits with trying to figure out how to make this darned belt buckle for Asajj.  I tried a couple of different things.  Air dry clay ended up being too heavy and bulky to affix to the costume and run in.  I tried working with some actual air clay (lighter stuff), but I'm really not good at this whole sculpting thing.  I ended up scrapping that idea and going back to my sewing.  I had a basic design idea, but I could not figure out how to get the imitate the "raised edge" that goes around the buckle.  Finally, I figured it meant I had to learn something new - bias tape.

I've never worked with bias tape before, honestly - and to be honest again, I have never cut anything on the bias until I made this running skirt.  So I'm learning all sorts of new things with this project, I guess!  I bought some bias tape to check it out at JoAnn's, but it was the wrong color for my fabric.  So then that meant...I had to make my bias tape.  Myself.  Oh boy.  Luckily, I found this handy little doodad at JoAnn's for 40% off, and I figured out how to make my own bias tape...with a little trial and error.  Thankfully, I didn't need a lot, and I actually got the darned stuff sewed on and looking pretty decent without too maybe stitch ripping sessions.  To attach the buckle to the belt, I added a strap of black elastic onto the back of the buckle.  So the whole thing will keep its overall shape, I cut up two circle of plastic canvas, rolled them up, and stuffed them into the belt before I stitched it closed by hand.  It's awesome.  I love it.  It'll work.

Couple more things to work on regarding this costume now.  I have to figure out where to hem the skirt and complete that.  That will affect how long the tabard is.  I'll have to cut that, draw out my stencil pattern, and paint that on there.  That will take some time with drying and coats of paint and whatnot.  Then I have to figure out how to attach that tabard to the belt.  Not sure how to do that just yet, but I'll figure it out.  I also realized I have to adjust my belt clasp so that it is hidden by the belt buckle.  This will require a bit of cutting on the belt, some more stitching, and then finally stitching on the plastic clasp pieces.  I think that will be okay.

So much to do.  And this is the stuff that doesn't really matter - the running should matter.  Well, the running does matter, but unfortunately, life has dictated that the running can't matter right now.  Getting well is top priority, and I'd rather hold off, work on easy things, and then get back at it when the NH and I are both ready.

Oh, and hey - happy Pi Day!  I'm not sure how to make a Star Wars or Disney related pie (or pi) joke, so I'm just gonna leave it at that.  ;)