I look at this blog, and I feel intimidated. Kind of funny, really - it's a blog about Disney and Star Wars, and I look at it and go, "I don't want to write in that. It'll take too long. I'll sound stupid. There's too much to say, and I don't have the time to care about it."
It's all a lot of excuses because I feel like I need to talk about something. But the truth is, I don't need to talk about anything. I ran my first half marathon, and I feel like I need to write up this big, long post about everything that happened. But I don't need to do anything. I don't owe the world anything. I only owe it to myself to remember that it was amazing. I smiled the entire time I ran. I ran 13.1 miles with a freakin' chest cold, and I was never more grateful for hot weather and 90% humidity in my life. I could breathe because of that weather, and I believe it contributed to me getting through. My homemade Rapunzel-esque costume worked perfectly. I got pictures with princesses before the race started. They had fireworks going when I was running into Magic Kingdom. They played "Back in the Saddle Again" when I crossed into Frontierland,
and I thought of my Mom and Dad and all of the years we've spent
together in Florida building memories. That made me smile even more.
And I got through. I'm officially a Disney Half Marathon princess now. Pascal and I made our way through all of those miles to cross the finish line with a smile on our faces, and it was worth every moment of training that I put into it last year. I found my nerd husband (who was having a good health morning that morning), and he met me with a single, bright red rose. He was so proud of me. He was beaming. He took my picture, and he showed me video of me in the home stretch. He was cheering loudly on the video. I never got the chance to see him even though I looked, but he was here, and he was so, so proud. It made me feel amazing.
Would I do it again? Yes, I would. But I think I'm going to wait for Star Wars because I'm assuming that at some point in the future, that half marathon course will run through Star Wars Land...and I'm not missing out on that.
It's back to real life now - at least for a little bit. It sort of stunned me when I looked at the calendar just a bit ago and realized we're only a little more than a month away from our trip for Star Wars Celebration in Chicago. That's insane! With everything going on in life (and believe me, behind the scenes, there's a LOT of crap going on), I kind of forgot all about it. Which means I also forgot all about all of my grand plans for costuming and starting early and whatnot.
Right now, I'm sitting here thinking I might not even bring a costume. That feels odd considering I've at least had one costume at every convention I've attended. So I'm still thinking it through and deciding how I feel as time passes by. Honestly, my attentions are elsewhere in life right now, and costuming or sewing or creation of anything just feels like work. I have enough on my plate, and the last thing I want to do it accumulate more work and/or heartache for myself. Add on to that the fact that I actually gained weight while training for this half marathon (oops), and I don't want to make myself feel bad about the fact that some things just might not fit. I accept that because, hey, I was able to run a half marathon and finish strongly. I don't need to get ahead of myself and undermine my accomplishment. I'll get back to where I was, but I don't want to subject myself to the pain of feeling bad because such-and-such pants don't fit, and omgtheworldisgoingtoendbecausei'mfat.
So I'm over here kind of in limbo - looking at costume upgrade and changes I could make to existing costumes, not wanting to spend the money because of personal challenges we're facing at the moment, wondering if taking this trip is a good idea, but knowing that ultimately it is a good idea, curious about how long it'll take me to get back into a shape I'm 100% comfortable with, debating whether or not I should eat another girl scout cookie because they're too darned good, hoping our friends aren't annoyed that we haven't reached out to make plans with them, and wishing I could just sit and rest and not have this insane run-on sentence of worries flow through my head 24/7.
The paragraph about is why I don't write here (or anywhere) hardly at all. I feel obligated or concerned, and I don't write with reckless abandon like I used to. But this entire post was recklessly written with abandon (and then a little editing at the end), so maybe this is what I need to do. Maybe it's just like training for that half marathon. Take your time. Make yourself strong. Remember it's okay to fail. Remember it's okay to amend your plans. Remember that life doesn't always work the way you want it to, but it does work, and you can work within it. That's what I want to strive to do. I want to strive to keep moving, keep working, and keep pushing forward.
At a particularly rough patch this winter, I wrote a note on a purple post-it and attached it to my monitor at work. Dated January 16, 2019, it reads: "I have the strength to keep going - mentally and physically. I've proven it time and time again."
As Han would say, "It's true. All of it."
Showing posts with label Princess Half Marathon 2019. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Princess Half Marathon 2019. Show all posts
Monday, March 4, 2019
Friday, November 9, 2018
The Training of a Princess
It's time to take over this space again with some Disney fun. Well, hopefully it's fun - can you call training for a half marathon fun? If not, then I think we should, and I'm determined to do my best to make it fun!
I've talked earlier in the year about this (check out the blog entry here), but we'll sum up the situation. When my Nerd Husband fell last January and broke his hip, I realized that life throws you curve balls no matter how old you are. You aren't excused from illness or hardship just because you're young. There is no time like the present to do the things you want to do because tomorrow you might not be able to do them. So I got a crazy idea - I was going to run my first half marathon.
I did my research. I asked for advice in my online running groups. I debated. I trained for 5ks and a 10k throughout all of 2018. And finally, I signed up for the Princess Half Marathon to be held in Walt Disney World on February 24, 2019.
My training was to officially start on October 23rd, but guess who came down with a chest cold on October 22nd? Yep. There's one of those little curve balls I talked about. So I decided to postpone the start of my training until November 6th. I'm two weeks behind, but I readjusted the training schedule to something I think works. I also knew it would be better than pushing it while I wasn't well. Starting anything while you don't feel good is a big de-motivator, in my opinion.
Speaking of motivation, I knew starting out the gate that I'd need to find some fun ways to spice up these training runs (because when I thought about it, running 10+ miles just really didn't sound like "fun"). I went to the Dollar Tree because that's my go-to place when I'm looking for cheap and fun ways to make a smile happen. I picked up a crazy amount of Disney Princess stickers, and a set of Disney Princess puzzles (4 mini puzzles in one package). I also picked up a few dry erase boards, some self-stick letters, and a couple packages of adhesive glitter paper.
Next, I knew I'd need some calendars for me to keep track of things on, so I went to the Disney Family website and found a printable calendar for November. It looks like they produce a new calendar page each month, so I'll have to keep an eye open.
The first thing I wanted was an inspiration board - a place where I could cheer myself on, write notes, and leave post-its. I used the largest dry erase board I had as well as some of the self-stick letters to create my "Run, Princess Shada" inspiration board. ("Shada" is a Star Wars nickname that was given to me years ago by some very good friends of mine, and it's stuck with me for almost 20 years now.) I still need to attach some string/yarn on the back so I can hang the board in a visible space, but I'm quite happy with it.
The next thing I knew I wanted was a little corner of my cubicle at work to be dedicated to my training. Let's face it - if you work full time, you spend most of your awake time at work instead of at home. That's where I knew I'd need to see motivation more than anywhere else. I took my printed November calendar and hung it in my cubicle along with a Disney Princess dry erase board (that I modified to a bit with stickers to reflect my favorite princess, Rapunzel) to help me count down the days until race time. I also printed and hung up a map of last year's race, along with a couple sheets of glitter Princess stickers that I could use to mark my completed training days on the printer calendar.
Let's talk a bit about this calendar because this is an unexpected find that I think will really help motivate me in the months to come. The fun thing about these calendar pages is that they seem to add little fun days along the way. Nachos Day was November 6th, and the 45th anniversary of Robin Hood was on November 8th for example. Both of those days were training days, and I honestly didn't think of incorporating the "themes" into my day until I mentioned it to my Nerd Husband last night that I thought it might be cool to watch Robin Hood on its anniversary. NH said, "We'll celebrate both themes tonight - nachos for dinner and watch Robin Hood." We did just that, and it was amazing. So I'm going to do my best from here on out to incorporate the fun days into my training days.
The last motivator that I came up with revolves around that group of Disney Princess puzzles I bought. I love puzzles, and I don't feel like I do them all that often because they always end up in the way while I'm working on them. But the few that I've complete and loved actually act as artwork above our fireplace on a rotating basis. Right now, there's a Thomas Kincade Cinderella's Castle of there, and it's gorgeous. Anyway, I digress... The Disney Princess puzzles motivator is going to work a little something like this.
With each training session I complete, I "earn" one piece of the puzzle. I won't draw my pieces from the pile until the end of each week, so I can draw up to three pieces at a time. The pieces might be for any of the four puzzles, so that will be the tricky part. I'll have to collect my earned pieces, sort them out based on which puzzle I think they go with, and the final goal is to assemble them as quickly as possible. It's a bit of luck mixed with a bit of skill and a lot of making-this-up-as-I-go-along. I think it'll be a good time.
I'll be posting quite a bit about this on social media when I can because I think it has the potential for a couple of good things:
1) Make people happy. It sounds ridiculous, but honestly, I think my goal in life is to try and bring a smile or a laugh. It's the reason I do a lot of what I do or share what I decide to share. So if me making a silly face and talking about stickers makes your day, then follow along on my journey.
2) Make people believe they can do what they set their minds to doing. I realize we all have limitations and things that hold us back, but I do truly believe that we have a lot of power in our minds and bodies, even if they're "broken". I've personally dealt with a history of mental illness for a vast majority of my life. I know how broken your mind can feel. While I've not dealt with physical disability and I know I can't imagine the full effect of the situation. I know I've witnessed those who have dealt with it, and I've seen how broken their hearts can be when they can't achieve what they once could. That's heartbreaking. But I believe there are ways that we can work within a system and make things the best that we can make them. We might not achieve what we could if we weren't "broken", but I believe that having to work within a system designed to hold you back makes your stronger, wiser, and more determined. And it makes victory so much sweeter. I want people to know that and remember it.
While I'll be posting little blurbs on social media, I'll be keeping the bulk of my wordiness out of the limelight and leaving it here in my blog. I know I get wordy when I write, and that's no for everyone. But if it is for you, then it's here, and I hope it helps you in some small way, shape or form.
I've got this. I can do this. I know I can, and I believe I can. I'm nervous that I can't. There might be people who say I can't. But the small voice inside of me that rises up in dark times whispers to me, "Run."
I've talked earlier in the year about this (check out the blog entry here), but we'll sum up the situation. When my Nerd Husband fell last January and broke his hip, I realized that life throws you curve balls no matter how old you are. You aren't excused from illness or hardship just because you're young. There is no time like the present to do the things you want to do because tomorrow you might not be able to do them. So I got a crazy idea - I was going to run my first half marathon.
I did my research. I asked for advice in my online running groups. I debated. I trained for 5ks and a 10k throughout all of 2018. And finally, I signed up for the Princess Half Marathon to be held in Walt Disney World on February 24, 2019.
My training was to officially start on October 23rd, but guess who came down with a chest cold on October 22nd? Yep. There's one of those little curve balls I talked about. So I decided to postpone the start of my training until November 6th. I'm two weeks behind, but I readjusted the training schedule to something I think works. I also knew it would be better than pushing it while I wasn't well. Starting anything while you don't feel good is a big de-motivator, in my opinion.
Speaking of motivation, I knew starting out the gate that I'd need to find some fun ways to spice up these training runs (because when I thought about it, running 10+ miles just really didn't sound like "fun"). I went to the Dollar Tree because that's my go-to place when I'm looking for cheap and fun ways to make a smile happen. I picked up a crazy amount of Disney Princess stickers, and a set of Disney Princess puzzles (4 mini puzzles in one package). I also picked up a few dry erase boards, some self-stick letters, and a couple packages of adhesive glitter paper.
Next, I knew I'd need some calendars for me to keep track of things on, so I went to the Disney Family website and found a printable calendar for November. It looks like they produce a new calendar page each month, so I'll have to keep an eye open.
The first thing I wanted was an inspiration board - a place where I could cheer myself on, write notes, and leave post-its. I used the largest dry erase board I had as well as some of the self-stick letters to create my "Run, Princess Shada" inspiration board. ("Shada" is a Star Wars nickname that was given to me years ago by some very good friends of mine, and it's stuck with me for almost 20 years now.) I still need to attach some string/yarn on the back so I can hang the board in a visible space, but I'm quite happy with it.
The next thing I knew I wanted was a little corner of my cubicle at work to be dedicated to my training. Let's face it - if you work full time, you spend most of your awake time at work instead of at home. That's where I knew I'd need to see motivation more than anywhere else. I took my printed November calendar and hung it in my cubicle along with a Disney Princess dry erase board (that I modified to a bit with stickers to reflect my favorite princess, Rapunzel) to help me count down the days until race time. I also printed and hung up a map of last year's race, along with a couple sheets of glitter Princess stickers that I could use to mark my completed training days on the printer calendar.
Let's talk a bit about this calendar because this is an unexpected find that I think will really help motivate me in the months to come. The fun thing about these calendar pages is that they seem to add little fun days along the way. Nachos Day was November 6th, and the 45th anniversary of Robin Hood was on November 8th for example. Both of those days were training days, and I honestly didn't think of incorporating the "themes" into my day until I mentioned it to my Nerd Husband last night that I thought it might be cool to watch Robin Hood on its anniversary. NH said, "We'll celebrate both themes tonight - nachos for dinner and watch Robin Hood." We did just that, and it was amazing. So I'm going to do my best from here on out to incorporate the fun days into my training days.
The last motivator that I came up with revolves around that group of Disney Princess puzzles I bought. I love puzzles, and I don't feel like I do them all that often because they always end up in the way while I'm working on them. But the few that I've complete and loved actually act as artwork above our fireplace on a rotating basis. Right now, there's a Thomas Kincade Cinderella's Castle of there, and it's gorgeous. Anyway, I digress... The Disney Princess puzzles motivator is going to work a little something like this.
With each training session I complete, I "earn" one piece of the puzzle. I won't draw my pieces from the pile until the end of each week, so I can draw up to three pieces at a time. The pieces might be for any of the four puzzles, so that will be the tricky part. I'll have to collect my earned pieces, sort them out based on which puzzle I think they go with, and the final goal is to assemble them as quickly as possible. It's a bit of luck mixed with a bit of skill and a lot of making-this-up-as-I-go-along. I think it'll be a good time.
I'll be posting quite a bit about this on social media when I can because I think it has the potential for a couple of good things:
1) Make people happy. It sounds ridiculous, but honestly, I think my goal in life is to try and bring a smile or a laugh. It's the reason I do a lot of what I do or share what I decide to share. So if me making a silly face and talking about stickers makes your day, then follow along on my journey.
2) Make people believe they can do what they set their minds to doing. I realize we all have limitations and things that hold us back, but I do truly believe that we have a lot of power in our minds and bodies, even if they're "broken". I've personally dealt with a history of mental illness for a vast majority of my life. I know how broken your mind can feel. While I've not dealt with physical disability and I know I can't imagine the full effect of the situation. I know I've witnessed those who have dealt with it, and I've seen how broken their hearts can be when they can't achieve what they once could. That's heartbreaking. But I believe there are ways that we can work within a system and make things the best that we can make them. We might not achieve what we could if we weren't "broken", but I believe that having to work within a system designed to hold you back makes your stronger, wiser, and more determined. And it makes victory so much sweeter. I want people to know that and remember it.
While I'll be posting little blurbs on social media, I'll be keeping the bulk of my wordiness out of the limelight and leaving it here in my blog. I know I get wordy when I write, and that's no for everyone. But if it is for you, then it's here, and I hope it helps you in some small way, shape or form.
I've got this. I can do this. I know I can, and I believe I can. I'm nervous that I can't. There might be people who say I can't. But the small voice inside of me that rises up in dark times whispers to me, "Run."
Thursday, August 30, 2018
Here Sits a Girl
Here sits a girl who:
- is signed up to run the Disney Princess Half Marathon next February 24, 2019
- has a room reservation all set on Disney property
- made her Disney dining reservations 180 days in advance
- and snagged some sweet reservations
- and reserved a table at Victoria and Albert's because - why not, I can cancel if I decide not to splurge that much (never done this before, so it felt right to at least try)
- needs to buy plane tickets for February
- is trying to complete a River Song (Doctor Who, not even remotely part of the two major focuses of this blog, but cut me some slack) costume for a convention that happens in two weeks
- needs to take her cat to the vet for a check-up on Saturday and is freaking out about it stressing out said cat
- will be getting up early tomorrow (fingers crossed) to do training run
- is moving in ten thousand different directions mentally and can't really take the time to figure out which direction she should buckle down and follow
- just wanted to write a blog post to say that she did because this space shouldn't die.
Wednesday, August 1, 2018
A New Month with New Jitters
I turned the Star Wars calendar in our kitchen to the new month of August, and I smiled when Rey showed up. I thought, "How fitting. There's our girl showing me that I can move forward and do anything." Then I got to work, and I turned the Star Wars calendar in my cubicle to show the new month of August, and I smiled when Chewbacca's grin showed up on the page. I thought, "There's a true friend if ever there was one."
Then I saw the sparkly Disney Princess Sticker that was marking Tuesday, August 7th on my calendar, and I thought, "Are you insane? Are you actually going to sign up to run a half marathon at Disney? It costs so much? What if you can't make it? What if you get swept? You're not a real runner because you walk and run in intervals. Remember yesterday when we looked at the proof of time submission and your 10K doesn't even qualify to get you in a higher corral? You're slow. You're overweight. You're out of shape. You're not a runner. What makes you think you can do this?"
I realized at that moment that the only thing holding me back from what I can do is my own mind. And what an evil little mind I have. Look at that - up there! All of those horrible things I said to myself in just a few seconds worth of thought-space. And I suppose that's true for a lot of us. A lot of us are harder on ourselves that we need to be. We put ourselves down, and we corral ourselves into these safe little corners where we can hide so no one will ever see how "inadequate" we are. We set our own limitations in our minds, but those limitations do not define who we truly are. It's really our effort to break through those barriers that forces us to grow and become the people we are meant to be.
Next Tuesday, August 7th is registration day for the Princess Half Marathon at Walt Disney World. I'm going to do my best to secure myself a spot. I have a hotel room lined up on Disney property (had to call to make the reservation since it wasn't even available to reserve online that far in advance). I've priced out plane tickets, and I'm ready to purchase those as soon as I know I have a spot in the race. I'm trying to heal up from a pulled neck muscle before I get back into any real running/exercise again, but then it's time to gear up and start training. I got nervous when I looked at training schedules. TI checked out a couple of different schedules. One stated that I should be comfortable running 3 miles a day 3 days a week. Yeah...that doesn't usually happen with me. lol Maybe 1.5-2 miles 3 days a week? I guess I'm not that far off, but it did make me start to second-guess this plan. I ran a slow 5k in July, and a slow 10k in June. Why am I doing this again?
To prove that I can. To be able to say I did. To be able to celebrate an accomplishment that I never once dreamed I'd be celebrating. To be able to go on an adventure and say, "Yeah, I ran that race, and it was amazing."
Fingers crossed. The single digit countdown to registration ticks on...
Then I saw the sparkly Disney Princess Sticker that was marking Tuesday, August 7th on my calendar, and I thought, "Are you insane? Are you actually going to sign up to run a half marathon at Disney? It costs so much? What if you can't make it? What if you get swept? You're not a real runner because you walk and run in intervals. Remember yesterday when we looked at the proof of time submission and your 10K doesn't even qualify to get you in a higher corral? You're slow. You're overweight. You're out of shape. You're not a runner. What makes you think you can do this?"
I realized at that moment that the only thing holding me back from what I can do is my own mind. And what an evil little mind I have. Look at that - up there! All of those horrible things I said to myself in just a few seconds worth of thought-space. And I suppose that's true for a lot of us. A lot of us are harder on ourselves that we need to be. We put ourselves down, and we corral ourselves into these safe little corners where we can hide so no one will ever see how "inadequate" we are. We set our own limitations in our minds, but those limitations do not define who we truly are. It's really our effort to break through those barriers that forces us to grow and become the people we are meant to be.
Next Tuesday, August 7th is registration day for the Princess Half Marathon at Walt Disney World. I'm going to do my best to secure myself a spot. I have a hotel room lined up on Disney property (had to call to make the reservation since it wasn't even available to reserve online that far in advance). I've priced out plane tickets, and I'm ready to purchase those as soon as I know I have a spot in the race. I'm trying to heal up from a pulled neck muscle before I get back into any real running/exercise again, but then it's time to gear up and start training. I got nervous when I looked at training schedules. TI checked out a couple of different schedules. One stated that I should be comfortable running 3 miles a day 3 days a week. Yeah...that doesn't usually happen with me. lol Maybe 1.5-2 miles 3 days a week? I guess I'm not that far off, but it did make me start to second-guess this plan. I ran a slow 5k in July, and a slow 10k in June. Why am I doing this again?
To prove that I can. To be able to say I did. To be able to celebrate an accomplishment that I never once dreamed I'd be celebrating. To be able to go on an adventure and say, "Yeah, I ran that race, and it was amazing."
Fingers crossed. The single digit countdown to registration ticks on...
Tuesday, June 19, 2018
A Girl Against the Universe - a Running Story
So a few years ago I picked up something I never thought I would - running.
I was always the little chubby kid in gym class. The one that got picked last for teams. The one that couldn't finish running "the mile" test. The one that liked literature, music, and art way more than physical activity. Then, a few years back, I was trying to think of something I had never done before. I wanted a new goal - something brand new and shiny to work on achieving. Something I never thought I'd ever be able to accomplish. So I set out with a Couch to 5k app and a goal to run my first 5K.
I did it. And from there I ran a couple more 5Ks. Then the Nerd Husband and I trained for the Inaugural Star Wars Dark Side 10K at Walt Disney World. It was freaking amazing.
Then our world blew up. The Nerd Husband's grandfather grew sicker until he was finally diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. He passed away quickly after a hellish fight. Then my biological mother had a stroke while we were in Florida, and there I was - worrying for my family until I could get back home. Then - most recently - we had an ice storm, and the Nerd Husband fell in our driveway and broke his left hip. We lived with my parents for a month until he could come home and do the stairs (slowly and only once a day in the beginning).
Needless to say, we haven't been home much. Our house has suffered for it. We have suffered for it - physically and mentally. It's been trying. Running fell to the wayside. Making it through to the next day was really the only goal.
During this last trial - the Nerd Husband's accident - I came up with my next plan. In between sitting in the hospital with my husband and doing the drives back and forth from our house to gather things, take a shower or feed our kitty, it dawned on me that I wanted to show the universe it wouldn't break me. It wouldn't throw all of this at me and see me back down without a fight. I remember saying out loud, "No. I refuse to feel like this, and I won't let you tear me down." Plus, I was doing all of this to help someone else. And I'd been helping other people for so long. I needed to do something purely for me.
I vowed to figure out something I had never done before and make me feel badass, strong, and rebellious against the universe. I thought about a tattoo or dyeing my hair another color. But then my brain rested upon one thought...
I'll run a half marathon.
Not sure that was a normal train of thought. But then again, I've never claimed to be normal.
I've always been interested in the runDisney half marathons. I remember being there right after Princess weekend and seeing all of the people on the buses and in the parks with their medals. It was really inspiring because there were people of all shapes, sizes, and walks of life. It looked like a goal that anyone could obtain with training and tenacity. I honestly wasn't sure if I'd ever be one of those people, but I wanted to be one of those people. Plus, how wonderful would it be to run through the place that holds so many wonderful family memories for me. Family and friends and people I don't have with me anymore. They're all still there, in that place, in those moments.
The details are fuzzy on how it all came about, and it was a while before I put my mind to a permanent decision on when this would all go down. I recall asking my virtual running group for advice, signing up for a local 10K (for experience and a time to submit), writing out a training schedule, and then eventually marking my vacation time in my work calendar for "February 2019".
Princess Half Marathon 2019 had been decided.
Now I have a little Disney Princess dry erase board from the Dollar Tree sitting in my cubicle at work, counting down the days to registration. I have nerves floating around in my gut because the registration process got changed this year, and they pushed the dates further away than originally planned. I have a countdown on my phone, and I'm debating where the best place to stay is and how to make this all work.
Best of all, I have a goal, and I'm nervous as hell about it - but it's mine. And that is so stinking exciting that I can't even begin to explain to you how exciting it is. This is mine, and no one can take it from me. I know that bad things can happen, and chances are they totally will. Who even knows what will/could happen when I'm away next February? But bad stuff is going to happen no matter where you are, who you're with, or what you try to do to prevent it. You can't prevent life. Life finds a way. The best you can do is live your life for you. Do the things you can do while you can do them. Share your strength and love with others. And remember to be kind to you. Always. In all things.
Now, if you'll excuse me, this princess has a half marathon training schedule to contemplate.
I was always the little chubby kid in gym class. The one that got picked last for teams. The one that couldn't finish running "the mile" test. The one that liked literature, music, and art way more than physical activity. Then, a few years back, I was trying to think of something I had never done before. I wanted a new goal - something brand new and shiny to work on achieving. Something I never thought I'd ever be able to accomplish. So I set out with a Couch to 5k app and a goal to run my first 5K.
I did it. And from there I ran a couple more 5Ks. Then the Nerd Husband and I trained for the Inaugural Star Wars Dark Side 10K at Walt Disney World. It was freaking amazing.
Then our world blew up. The Nerd Husband's grandfather grew sicker until he was finally diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. He passed away quickly after a hellish fight. Then my biological mother had a stroke while we were in Florida, and there I was - worrying for my family until I could get back home. Then - most recently - we had an ice storm, and the Nerd Husband fell in our driveway and broke his left hip. We lived with my parents for a month until he could come home and do the stairs (slowly and only once a day in the beginning).
Needless to say, we haven't been home much. Our house has suffered for it. We have suffered for it - physically and mentally. It's been trying. Running fell to the wayside. Making it through to the next day was really the only goal.
During this last trial - the Nerd Husband's accident - I came up with my next plan. In between sitting in the hospital with my husband and doing the drives back and forth from our house to gather things, take a shower or feed our kitty, it dawned on me that I wanted to show the universe it wouldn't break me. It wouldn't throw all of this at me and see me back down without a fight. I remember saying out loud, "No. I refuse to feel like this, and I won't let you tear me down." Plus, I was doing all of this to help someone else. And I'd been helping other people for so long. I needed to do something purely for me.
I vowed to figure out something I had never done before and make me feel badass, strong, and rebellious against the universe. I thought about a tattoo or dyeing my hair another color. But then my brain rested upon one thought...
I'll run a half marathon.
Not sure that was a normal train of thought. But then again, I've never claimed to be normal.
I've always been interested in the runDisney half marathons. I remember being there right after Princess weekend and seeing all of the people on the buses and in the parks with their medals. It was really inspiring because there were people of all shapes, sizes, and walks of life. It looked like a goal that anyone could obtain with training and tenacity. I honestly wasn't sure if I'd ever be one of those people, but I wanted to be one of those people. Plus, how wonderful would it be to run through the place that holds so many wonderful family memories for me. Family and friends and people I don't have with me anymore. They're all still there, in that place, in those moments.
The details are fuzzy on how it all came about, and it was a while before I put my mind to a permanent decision on when this would all go down. I recall asking my virtual running group for advice, signing up for a local 10K (for experience and a time to submit), writing out a training schedule, and then eventually marking my vacation time in my work calendar for "February 2019".
Princess Half Marathon 2019 had been decided.
Now I have a little Disney Princess dry erase board from the Dollar Tree sitting in my cubicle at work, counting down the days to registration. I have nerves floating around in my gut because the registration process got changed this year, and they pushed the dates further away than originally planned. I have a countdown on my phone, and I'm debating where the best place to stay is and how to make this all work.
Best of all, I have a goal, and I'm nervous as hell about it - but it's mine. And that is so stinking exciting that I can't even begin to explain to you how exciting it is. This is mine, and no one can take it from me. I know that bad things can happen, and chances are they totally will. Who even knows what will/could happen when I'm away next February? But bad stuff is going to happen no matter where you are, who you're with, or what you try to do to prevent it. You can't prevent life. Life finds a way. The best you can do is live your life for you. Do the things you can do while you can do them. Share your strength and love with others. And remember to be kind to you. Always. In all things.
Now, if you'll excuse me, this princess has a half marathon training schedule to contemplate.
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