While I still know there are folks who haven't seen the movie (and have endeavored to remain unspoiled), I'm going to keep this introduction sparse. You can read on for the guts of my thoughts...
But be warned...
We're going to take this point by point as best I can. I've ranted and raved a lot about a great many things regarding this movie, so having to sort out my thoughts into works that actually make sense on a page might be challenging. So we'll make this as simple as possible. We might have to take this in sections, actually, because I might be able to go on about each of these points for quite a while.
So we'll start with my biggest issue.
First Viewing Issue #1: They killed Han Solo.
First Viewing Argument #1: This was a very long rant for me - in the movie theater, no less. I'm not usually one to get on a public soapbox, but I have to admit that I sort of did here.
From the moment Han was run through with that (now iconic) red, spitfire blade of Kylo Ren's, I think my brain shut down from the rest of the movie. I remember thinking to myself, I have to get out of here. I can't sit here. I won't. But our theater was almost completely full, and there was no way I was able to get out of there without causing some sort of scene. So I sat and endured the rest of the movie.
At some point, I forgot how the entire thing ended, and I couldn't really tell you what happened from that point forward. I'm usually a very bubbly fan of any movie credits, listening to each note and chord of the end credits. But I didn't care. I was the person who sat very quietly, not talking to our group, and looking at random crap on my phone. I was furious. I was hurt. I was grieving. My heart wanted to burst. I wanted to cry. And I was relieved when I could get up and leave the theater.
Inevitably, our group of seven started discussing how we felt. A few people loved it. A few people were okay with it. A few people were down right angry. I fell in that last group, and I started getting vocal about it when asked "why". (These are the points that I'm going to discuss and dissect later, so I'll spare you and not list them out now.) But while I was explaining my issues regarding the movie, the tears filled up in my eyes, and my anger started to quiver and give way to crying. So I shut myself up, pulled it together, shut up and went home.
I got ready for bed, and I remember sitting down on the edge of the bed just thinking. That's when the sobs started. Great, big, heart-wrenching sobs - the ugly cry kind - that lasted for about a solid hour. My husband tried to console me, ask me what was wrong, and I spent the first half of that hour saying, "It's just a stupid movie. I don't know why it's bothering me. It shouldn't bother me. This is stupid."
Then I started to realized why it was affecting me. That was the second half of my sob session - coming to grips with my own personal baggage and emotions that I took into the theater.
I stand by the idea that we all view things differently based on what we've seen, how we interpret things, and what has happened to us in our lives. We carry in a different assortment of baggage when we go see a movie, and different moments will affect people differently. That's why I've told people not to take my word on this movie - I knew my emotions clouded over most of it on accident.
In relation to Han's death, I carried in a few bags that would definitely make this hit closer to home:
1. Abandonment issues - biological father was nonexistent in my life.
2. Death of a true Father figure - my maternal grandfather adopted me, so he is "Dad" to me. We've almost lost him to cancer more times than I can count, and I'm dreading the day I actually do lose him. It's been on my mind lately quite a bit.
3. Harrison Ford is a hero figure in my mind - the first time I saw Harrison on the screen was at the ripe old age of 8 in "Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom". I was hooked from that moment on. I wanted to be Indy. I wanted to have adventures and be amazingly awesome and have a cool hat and get to do neat things. I dressed as Indiana Jones as a little girl for Trick Or Treat - about 3 times. Harrison Ford was tough and awesome, and he reminded me of my Dad in that manner. My Dad is a hero. Harrison Ford is a hero.
4. Grown kids who mistreat their parents for no reason - that's how I viewed Kylo Ren's outburst here. Whiny, stupid brat who was dissing Dad for absolutely no reason. I've seen my own parents hurt, and in this scene Han looked hurt. I don't like seeing the people I love hurt by other people, and it's the quickest way to make me hate you...or at least wish that mynocks would eat the power cables in your car so you're stranded in the middle of nowhere.
5. Harrison always wanted Han to die - it was a known fact that Harrison always wanted to die in Star Wars, and he wasn't really a big fan of the franchise in general. He didn't attend conventions (which is fine, really), and he didn't really talk about it in any sort of positive light. However, everything changed with this movie. He glowed about it - almost literally. I was so excited about it because Harrison was excited about it. And then that happened on the big screen, and I got instantly angry. "Of course he liked it," I said in the movie theater. "It's because they finally gave him what he wanted!"
Add all of this up together and you might be able to piece together why I had such an emotional outburst to this scene. It broke me, and I swiftly wanted revenge. If I had been Rey, I'm not 100% sure I would have made the Light-sided choice of letting Kylo Ren live.
Second Viewing Resolution #2: I am still not 100% okay with this.
It hurts like a true death, and it's going to make this movie very difficult for me to watch in the future. I didn't cry after I left the theater the second time. However, I did cry 20 minutes before Han even dies. I'm not sure which is more embarrassing. I actually had to bite my thumb to keep myself quiet. It was pitiful, and I kind of hated myself for it.
I'm also still not over the idea that Harrison might just be happy because he finally got his way. That could be a huge conjecture that I'm making, but it still weights on my mind now and then. Plus, I'm not sure it was essential to the storyline to kill him off. But I can't really say that with any sort of certainty because I don't know what the ultimate storyline is. No one does. That might be the most frustrating part about it.
For me, that one scene will make this movie like "Revenge of the Sith" - one that I pull out every now and then because I enjoy it up to a point. After that, I'll either leave, turn it off, or grab my box of tissues and be prepared to blubber out of my tear-filled eyes, "I hate this movie."
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