I've been personally dealing with a huge increase in anxiety in the last...oh...I've lost count. Who cares anymore. But 2015 kind of put my and a lot of folks who are close to me through an emotional spin cycle, and it was tiring and upsetting and generally just not great. 2016 has so far been about trying to turn that emotional state around and getting back to being at least "okay" with things. I'm not great - far from it. There are days I want to cry, but then there are things that keep me going and make me realize, No - you are strong enough to do this. You can do this. One of those things is training for this Star Wars Dark Side 10K.
I'm not a runner, and I'm not an athlete. I never have been - until late fall 2014. Oddly enough, what inspired me to run was a geeky passion of costuming or cosplay as its known by now. I was putting together a Tomb Raider Reborn costume, and I wanted to feel stronger and more toned while wearing it. So I figured - okay, well, I can do push-ups every morning. And then I thought - okay, maybe I can start running (seriously - where did that thought even come from?). I expected that the best way to start running was to have a goal, and something I'd never done before in my life was run a 5K. So I picked a 5K that supported Prostate Cancer Research and Awareness (a cause close to my heart and life given my Dad's cancer history) and off I went.
And I did it.
I still don't like to call myself a runner, though. I'm not "into it" like a lot of folks. It's not my passion. Star Wars, however, is deeply rooted in my life, and it's a passion that fuels me to do crazy things. Like costume. And I guess run a 10K.
I think I'm getting off topic here, but the main thing is this - if you're fighting with anxiety or worries or depression or whatever, find the thing that makes you happy right at that moment and run with it (maybe even literally). The world is going to throw us crappy things every day, and we have to choose how we want to handle those crappy things. We can either go, "Well, that's crappy. I'm going to sit here and wallow in the crap until I feel crappier." Or we can go, "Well, that's crappy. I'm going to sit here for a little bit, but I won't wallow because...well, it's crap. I'm going to get up and see if there's less crap over there instead." I'm not always great at choosing the second option. I'm trying. That's all we can do is try (no matter what Yoda says - I'll fight the little pointy-eared dude on this one).
So we got back to training last night because the NH (Nerd Husband) was doing much better after his really awful bought of illness on Monday. It was pretty terrible. It's behind us now, and I'm grateful that he's doing so much better. He was able to make it though the entire 30 minute run with no issues! However, I actually ended up with the issue this time around - a pain in my right shin which kept getting worse throughout the run. I had a walk a couple of our running intervals, and the track was also pretty darned crowded last night because it was such a cold day. Plus, we haven't had a training session in nine days.
All of these issues came together to set us back in our pace to a 15:26 min/mile. I'm not happy with this, but I'm trying not to let it get to me. I know the reality of the situation and all of the factor, and I also know how well we've been doing up to this point. So that's what I'm going to try and focus on today, and then we'll see how Saturday (or Sunday) goes.
In other running news, I'm working on a costume for the 10K. I'm pretty excited about costuming anyway, so this added element of awesome to the event just makes me even more excited. I ran through so many ideas in my head before settling on one of them. I was really debating working on an x-wing fighter running outfit at first, but then I figured that this is the Dark Side 10K...so let's evil it up a bit. I didn't want to do Vader. Not a huge Boba fan, and a big fat fangirl "no" to Kylo Ren.
Then it hit me.
Ventress. Asajj Ventress.
More to come on that later...
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